To want to go to bed after a night out rather than DTD?

[VPFT]

I’ve been out with two groups of (different) girlfriends this week and both times discussion was had around how they’d be going home ‘horny’ and up for DTD with their partners. Further comment was made about how their partners ‘expect it’ after a night out… and about how when their partners go on a night out they too come home wanting sex.

I was unable to contribute to these conversations because after a night out I just want to come home, have some water/cup of tea and go to sleep! DH is the same. Invariably it’s late/past our bedtime and getting some action couldn’t be further from our minds.

AIBU to think (hope!) that they’re the exception rather than the rule?!

Why would you hope that? Why does it matter what they or anyone else does as long as you and your DH are happy not having sex?

That is such a snippy answer. Mumsnet is a discussion forum, don't spoil it by just being nasty to people.

Yes, it is a discussion forum, and I joined in the discussion by asking the question “why”.

There’s no nastiness there.

I mean neither me or my partner expect it but it more than likely always happen after a night out 😂

But aren’t you shattered?! 😆

I’ve been thinking and maybe it depends on what alcohol does to you? If your reaction to it is to make you the life and soul of the party then maybe you’re up for sex after. For me I have a few then it sends me to sleep 😂

I always wondered if it was because they don't do it much normally 🤷‍♀️

To be fair, I would presume that your friends aren't often up for it and the alcohol helps with that, maybe they lose their inhibitions a bit. I wouldn't see that as the healthiest of relationships if they're possibly only up for it when they're drunk. Obv this might not necessarily be the case but it's another way to look at it.

My DW and I fall into your camp - usually the only thing filthy after a night on the tiles is a takeaway! 😅

I’d rather be ‘with it’ and not a drooling drunk mess.

Shocker, some people like to have sex after a night out & some don't. Its weird that you hope most people don't. Why do you care what others do?

Me and DH always have sex after a night out but we have a lot of sex anyway so no different to normal really.

If we've gone out together especially something a bit different to usual routine I'd say it's very likely to happen presuming we've both enjoyed ourselves and are in a good mood. I generally feel more 'playful' which often leads to sex.
I can't really comment if only one of is has gone out. If I was 'settled' in bed I probably wouldn't want disturbing but I think I'd be more up for chatting/joking when I got back and disturb him.

I love a bit of sex after a night out...however if I've fallen asleep on the sofa first, there's no bloody chance 😂

I find it strange that you and your friends talk about this when you go out, I have next to no interest in the sex lives of my mates. However I do tend to find that sometimes people who like to talk about how much sex they’re having, often aren’t having as much as you think!

But it’s different strokes for different folks isn’t it? As long and you and DH are happy with the current arrangement, then crack on.

I can't remember the last time dh or I got home from a night out with friends and dtd, more often than not the other is already in bed fast asleep 🤣

That is the difference. I was in to the rave scene when younger and of course you shag on ecstacy. I've never been a big drinker and was frustrated when I was in my 30/40s and boyfriends wanted to drink to the point of not being capable, for me it rounds off a night. We used to still do it the next day as well. It certainly isn't an indication of a sparse sex life.

I had friends like this and always thought it was sad that they had to get drunk to want to have sex with their husbands. Their husbands would encourage nights out just because it increased their chances of getting sex.

I prefer my sex sober.Can never be arsed when drinking so we'll do it in the morning or something

It depends

Sometimes we just go to bed and sleep sometimes DTD. Usually depends if we've reached that horny tipsy stage or not .

An excellent re-frame! I hadn’t thought about it from this perspective at all. Good point.

I find it a strange topic too - I didn’t bring it up in either situation. And I didn’t contribute to the conversation either because my experience is so out of line with theirs.