Is it too soon to send a sympathy card? (TW - death)

[SoVerySophie]

The son of a good friend was killed in a car accident last week. We were all friends with him as well as his dad and the shock and grief is huge. He was part of a wider circle of friends and we've all pulled together. We only found out yesterday morning.

It immediately occurred to me to a send a sympathy card, but the family are being very stoic and I don't think the full realisation has hit yet. Hence my uncertainty about sending a card, I don't want to cause any more upset by forcing the reality onto them.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Of course it’s not too soon. A card isn’t going to force anything on them that the death of their child hasn’t.

It is fine to send a card now. They may choose not to read them until later but they will probably be glad that you have acknowledged it. We lost a DC and appeared stoic but i was always pleased to get cards and we have kept them all.

No it isn't. Sorry for their loss and yours x

I would send it. It’ll be obvious what it is and if they aren’t ready to open cards then they can leave it to one side.

My dad was killed in a RTA a few weeks ago, we received cards within a few days, usually a day or two after people found out. It has never crossed my mind that a sympathy card was "too soon".

Get a blank card and write a memory or two in it. They will absolutely appreciate that.

If they aren't ready for cards they won't open them yet.

This happened last week?

They'll have loads of cards by now OP.

Send one as soon as you can

Send a card asap.

Absolutely send it.

They will get to it in their own time, but there is nothing worse when bereaved than thinking everyone is avoiding the topic. It happened.

I’m so very sorry to hear that.

We got several hand delivered within hours. It was lovely. The messages were so comforting.

It's best to send a card (or better still a short handwritten letter) as soon as you find out.

As you say it's a good friend, follow up with a call (a few days after your letter will arrive) and - taking your lead from them about frequency - stay in touch.

Send it now

@continentallentil thank you

Never too soon to send a sympathy/condolences card with a personal note.

Never too soon unless it's from Putin about an accident you're having next week.

By all means send it. Some families never open them, but that is for the recipients to decide.

It's absolutely fine to send a card! It is the cultural norm, and to a certain extent, I'd say expected - even in a family that might not usually "do" cards.

It certainly can't upset or traumatise them any more than they already are.

In this case, mention how sorry you are to hear the news, say a couple of nice, unique things about the deceased, and (if you are able to) offer any help or support you can give, moving forwards.
Depending on the person, I always set a reminder for a week, month and year later to check in with them again. Especially if they are not a person you physically see regularly. I had the wife of a cousin I see about twice a decade, and a work colleague from a previous job who both reached out around a year later to see how I was after I had a difficult bereavement. Neither were people I expected, but it really meant a lot, and is now something I make an effort to do.

Ok, thanks everyone, that's reassuring to know. We live very close to each other so I'll just pop a card through the door today.

Yes, on Thursday. But the news only started to be given on Saturday to people other than immediate family.