To feel sick every time someone bitches about their colleague?

[stayathomer]

Two years ago I started working for a large bookstore (that also has a huge card and gift section). It was /is still my dream job, I have the loveliest colleagues ever, the work is brilliant and I still pinch myself that I work with books and get to work around people, and we have lovely customers as well as staff plus I’m an author too (but make money so sporadically that it doesn’t really help the house- 4 kids, me and dh, who works in a very good job but not enough that we wouldn’t have to go back to a previous existence where pretty much everything was a luxury). Over the past five months two people have left, one who I helped out on gifts and we have been told they can’t be replaced so we’ve all shifted roles. I’m now solely over gifts and have come to realise how generally shit I am at ordering/merchandising/all of it really. Manager is supportive as is assistant manager so both jump in to help out a lot more than they had to when the other girl would sometimes do five times more on her own. I flounder daily and now everyone has started digging me out adding to their work. They’re all still positive, lovely etc, but with me being the weakest of a very good group of people I can tell they’re getting a bit tired. Now every time any of my friends talks about a shit day at work as a result of x person not being capable or dh says ‘oh for gods sake’ about a person in work that messed up I feel sick. I can’t leave my job as I’d never find another. I suppose I’m just looking for any form of … I don’t even know. Sorry.

also I’m guessing but do you struggle with maths? Dyscalculia even? You seem to be not seeing the patterns and unable to conceptualise space and time and for stock taking that’s important. You can put things in place to assist. Get some training which WILL help

This is definitely true in terms of stock taking. I am like this with maths and struggle* *with things like stock taking, my DH is the opposite he's naturally good at mental arithmetic and can look at a part pallet and tell you how many items are on it instantly. I think it's more common not to be good at this, by the way, he was always telling me people can't count and that he had been asked to re-check things when he worked in a warehouse. I agree with putting things in place to help you. Maybe there's a way of doing things more suited to you? Maybe there's some technology that can help?

Devonshiregal I am horrendous at maths!! Awful! And yes, those things are a problem to me but yes, I'll get working on finding ways and look up the resources that we probably have (we changed systems last year so I kind of know that we have them but haven't seen the new way of doing it but it's something I have to look up) And thank you x

Enidspyton (love the name by the way!) Okay, yes, I need to get onto that. It's funny with the 'yes, but' and dodging thing, I always see people doing that on mn, but I had no idea I was deciding against the suggestions. I do need to just head down and start figuring this stuff out. And thank you too, you've all kind of given me what I think I hoped but didn't think I could get from this thread (last night I was crying and really upset because a friend of mind was talking on whatsapp about how her job is about to get easier as a girl who's made a lot of mistakes in work that she's picked up the slack on was leaving and she's involved in hiring the new person. I didn't realise how much this all was getting to me)

Favouritedogmug thank you for saying most people are like that, I think I work in a place of exceptional people who have an eye and a maths brain for this sort of stuff x I am going to figure this out this week (or at least get started figuring it out) x

And I can't say this enough but thanks again everyone-every single person, you've all helped so so much, like I said above I was in ribbons last night, my friend whatsapped whooping that the person she has said before she has to 'pick up after' and is the 'bain of her working life is leaving'. She said she's a lovely person but not suited to the job and my friend gets to hire the new person so she'll be hiring on skillset and not fully on personality. It was just like a gut punch and I literally sat in the bathroom bawling because I would have guessed that's what everyone thinks of me-the most understanding collegue I have yesterday finished a job for me because I was getting to the stage where I was going to cut into lunches. She reorganised and finished in minutes and when I said 'you're so good' she just looked wrecked .

I don't talk to anyone about this stuff anymore because dh is excellent at his job and I regularly hear he had to do x because someone wasn't able do it. When we did talk about me finding work difficult he told me if I ever ever wanted to go back to being a sahm and try to make the writing a full time gig he would totally support it but we can't afford it, we crawled last time and the kids missed out on so many extras they have now that people would see as normal-swimming lessons, the odd day out, clothes just because they like them as opposed to 'he has one pair of x left' and a food shop with breathing space. Thanks again everyone and happy Sunday x

My partner works in a similar area and all ordering is based on the sales of the past years. If you are new to it I would suggest trying to get the data of sales figures for the previous few years to study and help you with ordering.

Sorry but there really is nothing worse than a colleague who is shit at her job but will do nothing about it .
why are you shit at it ? You can’t just say I can’t do it and I can’t go anywhere else course you can. There are always options and you saying I can’t do anything is annoying for your colleagues.
you don’t want to be that colleague that is bitched about then speak to your line manager about your options or start looking for another job .

No you don't. They're just ahead of you in the learning curve. This is not a personal failing.

THEY HAVE ALL HAD TO LEARN HOW.

The sooner you realise that the better.

As nice as you say everyone is, they clearly don't have a culture of growth and development.

I am always telling my team about mistakes I've made and struggles I've had. I didn't get good at what i do by magic.

This is a really unhelpful post. The OP is lacking in confidence and needs support, not a kick when she's down.

@stayathomer you sound like you've got a lot from this thread already. You clearly love your job and want to be good at it, but you've lost your confidence and feel overwhelmed by some aspects of it, that were never in your original job description. You need some support and additional training to help you gain the skills for these new duties - that's all it is. And to be honest, a good manager should have picked up on this when you were first deployed to these new activities, and they should have been able to spot that you were overwhelmed and intervened already. This isn't all on you.

You're not useless. You sound lovely and I'm sure your colleagues really value you and enjoy having you around. I've worked with many people over the years who have needed a bit of extra help to do jobs that I find easy - but I've always been happy to help because I like them and want to support them, and also - there are things I do less well that I often need help with, too. It goes both ways- none of us are perfect and all of us need help sometimes. Workplaces should be collaborative environments where everyone is there to do their own job, sure, but they're also there to support, help and advise colleagues. None of us can or should work in silos. You don't need to feel bad for needing help. We all do sometimes. Once you've asked for help and had more support/training, I can guarantee you'll feel much more positive about yourself.

You can do this! x

I mean this kindly as I have a friend who sounds just the same as you but you need to manage this anxiety and self-esteem issue because it sounds like you’re both making your friend and husbands situations about you & also just accepting defeat at work that you can’t do things.

Instead of saying ‘wow you’re so good’ when your exhausted colleague does something, why not say ‘I’m really keen to understand how you do that. When we have some down time could you please take me through it?’

then make notes, take pictures, draw, whatever you need to do to take it in. Then practice at home, get an array of things and display then. Practice hampers etc.

it’s really not fair to act as though it’s a blow to the gut when your friend talks about a colleague, she’s just letting off steam and yeah, truth is maybe your colleagues DO say that but maybe they DONT. One thing in life we can’t control is what others say/think/do and it gets a little easier when you accept that.

just put a plan into motion with how to improve and all of these feelings of doubt and inferiority will start to dissipate.

In my last job I was the one who knew what I was doing. I could strip down the machined, clean them and put them back together in 15 minutes flat and had an encyclopedic knowledge of what was in the overstocks, where and how many to the point that my manager exclaimed I was 'like the bloody oracle.'

Then I changed jobs due to money, hours etc, hated the new place as it was a toxic environment and left mid shift. Was unemployed for a few months then applied for my current job which is mostly math based. I'm shit at maths. I got E on my gcse. Suddenly I was the shit one whose work had to be checked before anything was ordered and had panic attacks because I just didn't GET it.

4 years on, I'm good at the job. Really good and I'm the one reassuring the new people that they're doing fine and it will eventually click for them. I'm still shit at general math but can do the kind that is required for the job. You just have to throw yourself into it and correct any mistakes yourself. Don't let others change stuff for you otherwise it won't stick in your head.

I had an amazing mentor in our deputy manager who at one point ended up on the floor with me building a 3D model out of paper to explain a concept that I wasn't grasping.

Don't be afraid to question as they would much rather spend extra time with you now and you learn it properly than still be checking stuff in 6 months time.

It always takes a long time to get the hang of a new role. You will get it eventually.

Thanks so much everyone and I honestly am grabbing hold everything you're saying-I do already make notes, I listen, I ask questions, my manager puts aside training time for me and is amazing in how good when she is saying look ex colleague is a hard act to follow, you're doing great, we're just going to work on x, y and z. I look up products at home and when I'm in work and have a second free I familiarise myself with different sets and glasses, ornaments, frames. I run all the time in there, I hurry but my brain tells me to do something x way and it normally turns out the other was was the right way. No two days are the same so I try to take into account what I did wrong but then it works against me.

You're right that I am wrong in assuming it's come easy to people before me, my colleague started her working time with the company and worked there for eight years but only went full time in the last two years and was an absolute force. She did say she loved everything to do with being creative so the hampers etc came easy to her and when she left there as a general consensus that everyone else found hampers extremely difficult and we might have to phase them out as they looked too homemade for a company with our reputation(and this was before I'd even tried one!). She was also very mathematical and logical and a great problem solver. When we thought we were getting a new person I said to my manager (oh the irony lol!!) that we needed to get someone with her skillset and my manager looked me in the eye and said 'it is incredibly difficult to find someone creative, logical, with a flair for everything she does (she did epic windows), who is so natural at ordering too. I think it's like a lotto win.'

But I will continue to strive and I will also cop the hell on too and look at figuring out what people here have told me to do (thanks again x) and stop being so 'I can't' ... I didn't realise I was so set against being able to do it!

Hopefully you'll get the hang of it and improve. You sound intelligent and it's not rocket science, you'll get it.

However, f from your colleagues point of views, it's infinitely better to work with someone who is lovely but struggles a bit, than an arsehole who doesn't need any help.

Kindly:

""I'll get working on finding ways and look up the resources that we probably have (we changed systems last year so I kind of know that we have them but haven't seen the new way of doing it but it's something I have to look up)""

You changed systems in 2022 and you still haven't investigated the new resource material? And yet you cry because you're not good enough at your job

Can you see how weird this sounds?

I would go the old fashioned route and get yourself a big diary planner that you hand write in to help yourself be more organised in your job.

Technology is great but you can't beat actual writing down to do lists, reminders and goals.

I’m sorry you are going through this. I know how tough it can be. I hope it will pass with time and experience.

You are already doing the best thing, working hard, practicing and being cheerful. Hopefully as time passes you will stop needing help. Also remember that you may not be as efficient as the others but you are improving all the time and are nice to have around.

Ladybug14
You changed systems in 2022 and you still haven't investigated the new resource material? And yet you cry because you're not good enough at your job

We've learned the basics but there’s a lot that’s not available to use now, we used to be able to delve in and look through lists /whittle down sales but we were bought out and now, as employees don’t have access to what we had. So eg I can see sales of a line/range, but don’t have what marketing have where I assume they can look at regular lists of sales of products. (We don’t order for all ranges anymore, we just get products in sometimes so we’re in line with other stores)

Thanks for clarifying. It appears, from what you say , that you no longer have all the information to do your job, since the system change.

We had a system change last July which means I can't do my job in the same way any more (work has been centralised for all of us)

What works for me is highlighting , by email, each time I am 'blocked' from doing what I used to be able to do

I send the email to my manager and the person who can now do the things I used to be able to do and ask them to sort it out

Gradually I am being given back the privileges that i used to have! Funny that 🤣

I'm not sure if that's a strategy which might work for you?

Give yourself a break and apply for some other jobs that you might be more suited to

I’d suggest this too, or some extra training. What do they know that you don’t? Seriously I never judge people on ability, laziness etc yes, taking the P yes, but someone who struggles to do something I’ve got a lot of patience and understanding for

I really feel for you. I have a feeling I would find your role hard too because having a flair for merchandising is an innate thing. I used to own a shop that sold gifts as well as clothes, jewellery, bags, lingerie and shoes. And I found the gifts the hardest section to get right. It is quite subjective as to what people are going to like. But, saying that, it gets easier the longer you do it because experience makes so much difference. It isn’t just sales figures, it is talking to customers about what they want, what’s missing, why they aren’t buying the products as well. I can tell you are going to make this work somehow and that you will end up being good at it though. Keep reminding yourself that you are still learning, don’t compare yourself to your ex colleague and take pride in the bits you are doing well. Best of luck.

I worked in retail and I took over a management job from someone very arts and crafty with real creative flare. That is not me and it was my first experience of doing it. For 99% of people merchandising is a skill to be learnt and practiced and following someone like your ex colleague and my ex colleague is doubly hard. You will find your niche and something that you do better than ex colleague!

First of all, please don't pressure yourself too much on the VM front. It sounds like everyone knows you're learning and they're being supportive. Everyone has to learn. It also sounds like you are improving if your latest window feedback is anything to go by. Ask if anyone in your area is strong on merch and if you can spend a day shadowing them and helping them to build a hamper and get some pointers. If you also get guides for the window, does it have any tips for putting the hampers together?

Wrt to the ordering- who orders the sundries for your store? Is it a manager using the same system? Again, ask for some guidance on the procedure and quantities. If you don't have a notebook, get one and write a how to for all of your processes. This might be something else you could shadow for a day or have a colleague visit and show you best practice. Having a "mentor" for a few weeks would probably get you going.

Finally, it sounds like you've had a new system implemented in general. You really do need to get to grips with this- the best thing for it is to practice. Have you completed all the required training on it? Seek opportunities to put your new knowledge to use until it becomes second nature. If you discussed this with your boss, they'd probably know where you need to put the work in.

MrsToothyBitch
Thanks a million for that. WRT ordering, it’s act done by head office, so we get no say for certain things, but can do top ups or have freedom in ordering certain ranges . For the systems I’ve started asking that they let me accept and receive orders (the assistant manager was doing them) and am getting more familiar

mummadeze thank you so (so!) much x

ladybug14 this happened to us too, lost so many privileges with the changeover- some as simple as doing returns for customers. Our manager told us to start emailing head office every time she was off even though other people had the option and within days, voila, we all had our original clearance back 😉

OP, you sound a little overwhelmed. Ordering is as much science as it is magic. Ask to see the previous years orders, you will see when orders were placed for seasonal items and start to get a feel for what was ordered. Yes putting the stock away yourself is important because you’ll have a better feel for what you need, what you have too much of, and what does or doesn’t sell. The magic part is trying to figure out what people are going to want to buy some time in the future.

It sounds like you are improving on the displays so that’s good.

The hampers could be a challenge. Maybe spend some time looking at pictures or tutorials if you aren’t already doing so. (This would not be my strong suit either!). One thing I’ve noticed on the really nice looking ones are the products are layered. Much like the nicer looking displays.

But the last thing to remember is we can’t all be good at everything, and as your manager mentioned the former employee seemed to be a bit of a unicorn. It’s ok that you’re not that person!