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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbourhood mum always trying to change the play date to hers

25 replies

Drunkoffonesomersby · 17/06/2023 21:01

My dc has a lovely friend the same age a few doors down. She often goes there to play on the trampoline and in the pool etc. We’re getting a trampoline in late summer, but don’t have a pool, only a paddling pool..so I can see how it’s more entertaining at his house. However, I always invite him to ours and he’s been to play a few times, each time though his mum sort of tries to cut the time short so Dd can go to theirs.
For example, she’ll normally be at theirs for 2-3 hours, we always come to pick Dd up, but she says to let them play and it’s no problem to come back later.
This weekend I organised a treasure hunt on a forest walk next to us, then activities..baking, art etc, then to play at ours, we have a garden, swings, slide, sandpit, large paddling pool, all the toys. I’d asked her in advance and told her the rough plans, she thanked me and said it was great. I said we’d pick her son up at a certain time, when we came, she started to come with us on the hunt, which is fine but unexpected, she then said she was only coming for ten minutes as she had ti pick her eldest Dd up and then when they get back (it’s only ten minutes away) would Dd like to go to theirs to play in the pool 🤷🏻‍♀️I didn’t really mind but had planned all the activities and just for them to have fun at our house…this has happened each time, so he only really stays at ours for a quick play, drink and snack
I just found it a bit annoying, Aibu?
All my other friends are glad to leave them and get a break 😅

OP posts:
Whatisithatido · 17/06/2023 21:03

Shes overprotective and doesn't want to admit it, don't take it personally. She clearly only wants her son to be with her and ideally on her turf. I bet she's riddled with anxiety bless her. Don't take it personally.

Drunkoffonesomersby · 17/06/2023 21:05

@Whatisithatido I’m not sure as she seems quite relaxed and I’ve heard other times when she’s working that he’s at his friends house. We’re three doors down

OP posts:
DontBePassiveAggresive · 17/06/2023 21:07

Just accept it, don't plan activities again. It could be for many reasons, anxiety, preference, partner. Don't take it personally. But if it doesn't suit you you can just say no that doesn't work for us.

Whatisithatido · 17/06/2023 21:07

Drunkoffonesomersby · 17/06/2023 21:05

@Whatisithatido I’m not sure as she seems quite relaxed and I’ve heard other times when she’s working that he’s at his friends house. We’re three doors down

People hide it well. I fell out with a 'friend' for hiding her issue with this sort of thing from me for years and for not trusting me with her kids even though I've known them from birth and I'm their godparent 🤷‍♀️ people can be very 2 faced and hide their anxiety
The other friend might be very very trusted for some reason, but she doesn't trust anyone else.

Drunkoffonesomersby · 17/06/2023 21:11

Should I just not invite them again and Dd just keeps going to their house? Seems odd

OP posts:
Gcsunnyside23 · 17/06/2023 21:12

Whatisithatido · 17/06/2023 21:07

People hide it well. I fell out with a 'friend' for hiding her issue with this sort of thing from me for years and for not trusting me with her kids even though I've known them from birth and I'm their godparent 🤷‍♀️ people can be very 2 faced and hide their anxiety
The other friend might be very very trusted for some reason, but she doesn't trust anyone else.

So your friend has issues and clearly having a troubled time so you call them two faced because they couldn't bring themselves to confide in you? No wonder you aren't mates and more

limono · 17/06/2023 21:14

@Whatisithatido I wouldn't say it's exactly two faced. I'm a bit like this and I really hope people don't think I'm being an arse or two faced.

Whatisithatido · 17/06/2023 21:15

Gcsunnyside23 · 17/06/2023 21:12

So your friend has issues and clearly having a troubled time so you call them two faced because they couldn't bring themselves to confide in you? No wonder you aren't mates and more

It wasn't anything like that but great summary of a situation you know nothing about 👍

SleeplessinScarbourough · 17/06/2023 21:15

Know someone similar, everything at their house and DC9 isn’t allowed to go anywhere with us beyond their house.

GatesOfBabylon · 17/06/2023 21:16

Def sounds like just very protective. What age the children?

NuffSaidSam · 17/06/2023 21:20

She just sounds overprotective.

Do you have a dog or anything that makes your house 'dangerous' in her eyes?

I'd continue to invite the other child, but not worry if she prefers them to play at hers. You get a bit of peace, she's happy, both DC are happy.....it's really not a problem, don't make it one.

Drunkoffonesomersby · 17/06/2023 21:52

@NuffSaidSam We have a dog, they have three, they know our dog really well as we often go out on walks together or we’ll take her Ds on a walk with our dog or vice versa

OP posts:
Drunkoffonesomersby · 17/06/2023 21:52

@GatesOfBabylon Her Ds is 6, mine 5

OP posts:
ThisHeatIsKillingMeOff · 17/06/2023 21:57

Don't take it personally, I am this mum however my son is diabetic so I'm like a helicopter mum right now. 😂
She's the helicopter mum. Give it time, they'll soon all be in your garden too!

Gymmum82 · 17/06/2023 22:03

Relish it. Your kid can mess up their house instead of yours! Absolute winner. I wouldn’t be fighting to host play dates

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 18/06/2023 09:32

I have a friend like this, she actually came out in a stress rash the one time she came to my house! She just prefers to be at her home. Fine with me. I don't have to tidy before she comes, host or tidy up after her and her kids have gone!

JMSA · 18/06/2023 09:38

A mum who's always happy to host? I'd have loved this when mine were little Grin

TheWayTheLightFalls · 18/06/2023 09:45

Maybe her child is a bit unsure / insecure and doesn't feel comfortable being away from mum for longer periods?

Could be anything really. I'd be delighted tbh. Send yours round to hers with a snack or some other "thank you" gesture and have a few hours' peace!

drpet49 · 18/06/2023 09:51

JMSA · 18/06/2023 09:38

A mum who's always happy to host? I'd have loved this when mine were little Grin

Me too.

purpleme12 · 18/06/2023 10:03

I've had parents like this OP.
Yes I do find it very strange to be honest.
I have no idea why it happens to be honest

Wanttoshavemyhairoff · 18/06/2023 10:07

How old is her dd? Is it maybe because her dd can play as well when they are in her own house ?

WunWun · 18/06/2023 10:10

I'd invite them one more time and if it happens again I'd say something like "There's not a problem with him coming to ours is there? I remember you cut it short last time too"

NuffSaidSam · 18/06/2023 10:10

Wanttoshavemyhairoff · 18/06/2023 10:07

How old is her dd? Is it maybe because her dd can play as well when they are in her own house ?

This is a good suggestion.

Maybe her kids entertain each other so when one DC is at your house she ends up with more to do as now she needs to entertain the other DC/put up with 'I'm bored'. Easier to have them all there and they can all play together.

Createausername1970 · 18/06/2023 10:16

What does your child want to do? If your child is happy to go there and you are happy that she is being looked after, then I wouldn't mind too much, I guess. But it is nice to see your own child playing in your own garden.

AlyssumandHelianthus · 18/06/2023 11:04

I used to do this because I was frightened of driving to pick my kids up (I could legally drive but was terrible at it and anxious on routes I didn't know). I've also been like this in the past when my kid had an issue with things like food or toileting - easy to deal with discreetly at home but not at someone else's house. It's never been anything to do with the person/kids friend.

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