To stay away for a few days each month when hormonal

[whatalemming]

I'm really struggling with peri-menopause (on HRT, under review but symptoms not managed) and for a few days each month I just want to retreat away from the world. I'm angry, irrational and frankly pretty bloody horrible to everyone and however much I tell myself I'll preempt/ manage better, it's always awful at home and so stressful for everyone. I know poor DH is struggling & is concerned our marriage isn't where it was but honestly peri + 3 hormonal teenagers I feel like a shadow of my former self.

My parents live about an hour away and own a large estate with a free cottage about an hour from us that I am free to use & really tempted to suggest I decamp there once a month and save everyone from my moods. I wfh so no issues with work but do wonder if me running away would have a bigger negative impact on my dc/DH than the benefits I can see. Dc are 14, 15 & 17 & we live in a town so all self-sufficient in terms of lifts etc but pretty lazy at home so I do run around after them quite a bit (meals, cleaning, organising sports/social life etc)

AIBU to stay away 2/3 days a month?

Personally I would say that sounds like a good idea but will need talking through with your husband. I’m sure the kids can cope without you for a few days. Maybe it will improve things. Why not suggest it as a trial to see how it goes.

I could have written your post, I read an article years once about a village somewhere that they made women go to a hut when they were on their period. I was disgusted at the time but at this stage in my life I'd give anything for a hut and a few days peace! It's so hard when you feel/know you may acting completely irrational but unable to articulate it without eviscerating everyone around you!

Hi,

As a child of someone who suffered hugely from PMT/menopause symptoms, I wish my mum had done this and I would really have respected her for it.

Rationally I know that it is a medical condition and she couldn’t help her hormones but even as an adult I struggle to forgive her for some of the horrible things she did/said to me. Now I have my own children I can’t understand why she didn’t try to control it (refused HRT etc).

My dad didn’t really do much around the house but I know he would have done if given the chance (or was made to!).

I am not suggesting you are as bad as my mum was but, even though she has calmed down a lot now the menopause is behind her, I can still remember all the horrible things she said to me.

This sounds like a great idea. I’d sometimes love just to take myself away for a couple of days. This month, I could have picked a fight in a black hole and had a little weep over option anxiety in the Tesco fish aisle. I can’t honestly say DH or kids would have missed the grumpy, hormonal me, except for a bit of essential taxiing. At least you’ll only be snarking at the local wildlife.

Aside from a bad month this month ( not helped by work exhaustion), I’ve found a low dose of HRT has really helped with bad PMS in peri menopause. Although, evidently I might be needing a higher dose nowadays!

I think the problem could be that if your cycles are a bit unpredictable your sudden absence could leave your family struggling without you at times. But maybe you could talk to them all about the idea and find a way to make it work some months while also staying home but being given a bit of leeway on usual duties other months.

I have been very lucky to have never suffered with periods or hormones generally - until now.

Do I think I’d murder someone? No but if I or someone else was in danger and it’s week 3 of the month I would charge an attacker and have a good go without hesitation, I’m that angry and my sense of what is ‘right’ is off the scale.

45 and it’s almost come from nowhere. I can feel it rising in me, then out of nowhere it crashes again and I’m normal. I’m aware of it but can’t always control it and take myself off for a lot of walks.

Long way of saying this sounds like a good solution for everyone.

I am younger, so not peri, I but have always had horrendous moods in the lead up to my periods due to PMDD, and my premenstrual anger, moodiness and depression has become even worse since I had my first child a year and a half ago. I am also on HRT, as it can be used to control PMDD, and I find it helps, but not enough.

I have read that other women with PMDD take antidepressants just for the days leading up to and during their period. This makes sense, but I wanted to hold off on this route, so I have started to do something similar with St John's Wort. I have been tracking my cycles and moods with an app, and at the point at which I tend to get awful moods I have been taking St John's Wort just on those days and it has helped massively.

Warning, if you try this at the moment St John's Wort can make you more sensitive to sunburn, so don't forget the SPF and hat while you are taking it.