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AIBU?

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Original poster

Left the home. What do I do now?

55 replies

Wheredowegonoww · 17/06/2023 13:29

Hi.

NC. this is outing

I have 3 children. 4 year old and 1 year old twins.

I spent the night away from home for a break. First time in years.

Got home. 'D'P (now ex partner) lost it. Called one of my babies a c*nt. said if she was his age he would've beaten her up! Pretended to punch me but stopped last minute. Smashed something up in the kitchen.

We've left. We've got a place to stay until Monday but what do we do after that? I have £80 to my name until next month as I only paid £900 rent yesterday.

I just need some advice really. Where do we go from here? He sent a grovelling apology but I'm done. I've taken verbal abuse for years but I will NOT have my children go through that.

OP posts:
Donotshushme · 18/06/2023 05:40

Id be checking all of your children very very carefully for injuries in case he's shaken any of them.

Id also call the police.

ChittyBangabang · 18/06/2023 06:03

This reply has been deleted

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AceofPentacles · 18/06/2023 06:17

Yeah I was going to say how do you know what happened to your DC when you weren't there if he was so angry? Terrifying. Please never leave him with the children again (and hopefully don't go back).

Flakjacketon · 18/06/2023 06:37

He might be their father but he should not have unsupervised access to them. Get some guidance from Women's Aid and legal advice, if you can afford it.

Original poster
Wheredowegonoww · 18/06/2023 07:47

Thank you everyone.
I have blocked him on everything and also deleted his number.

My children are so much more important than a man with anger issues.
This is a fresh start for all of us. It's a scary one but I'm actually looking forward to it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wheredowegonoww · 18/06/2023 08:01

Just want to clarify too...my children will always come first. I just had a brief panic as I didn't want to get into trouble for taking them.

Hoping to hear back from Women's Aid today.

He was ringing and texting constantly last night. Messages ranged from aggressive to sickly sweet.
He has made his bed.
I slept really bloody well in mine last night.

OP posts:
fuckip · 18/06/2023 08:02

Oh what a relief, I read your earlier posts and wondered if he'd pulled you back. Well done OP! Your new life starts here Flowers

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 18/06/2023 08:04

He will turn all sorts of charm on now, don't forget what he's really like

Doggydarling · 18/06/2023 08:09

Well done, you've made the move and that's fantastic. If you were a friend of mine I'd be giving you the biggest hug right now. He's going to try get you to go back so stay strong and accept help from everyone who offers it (but be wary of contact with his family/friends for a good while, at least until you've got yourself more sorted). Again, well done, you are wonderful.

bookworm44 · 18/06/2023 08:10

I just want to say i thìnk you're really brave. Well done. You got this.

Newestname002 · 18/06/2023 08:15

@Wheredowegonoww

He was ringing and texting constantly last night. Messages ranged from aggressive to sickly sweet.
^He has made his bed.
I slept really bloody well in mine last night.^

Excellent OP. Do record any calls - especially the aggressive ones - and save them in case you later need to remind yourself of how he was in this period. Take screenshots of WhatsApp or other messages (WhatsApp messages can be deleted by the sender...) to provide evidence if needed at a later date. 🌹

sureigot20 · 18/06/2023 10:14

Glad you slept well, OP

Imagine how scared your children felt with him during the time you were away. Would you feel ok leaving them with him again?

Original poster
Wheredowegonoww · 19/06/2023 14:59

Just to update.

We have a room in a refuge. We go on Wednesday. Staying on couch at parents house until then.
Feel relieved, nervous but excited for a fresh start.

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 19/06/2023 14:59

Glad you've managed to get out and someone safe. Take care.

Newestname002 · 19/06/2023 15:07

I'm so pleased you have a refuge place plus a brief respite at your parents. This is the first step in getting a more peaceful life for you and your children. There may well be bumps along the way, but you sound a strong woman and you also have people to give you practical help and support. Stay strong. 🌹

Tilllly · 19/06/2023 22:35

I'm so glad you're finding a way forward

💪🏻 hang in there, every month, things will be a bit better

octoberfarm · 20/06/2023 12:32

That's fantastic news, OP. Wishing you all the luck in the world for your fresh start Flowers

Bromptotoo · 20/06/2023 12:38

Unless you have significant savings/capital I'd expect you to be eligible for Universal Credit. You can make a new claim online on the .gov website. The Help to Claim service on 0800 144 8 444, provided by Citizens Advice, will help you if you need it.

Original poster
Wheredowegonoww · 21/06/2023 20:51

Happy update!

We came to the refuge this morning. Has a cry on the way but oh my goodness, I feel amazing.
I feel stressed but I'm happy. I feel peace and I know my eldest feels the same.

I'm sure there are bad days to come but I feel the most relaxed I've felt in a long long time.

OP posts:
sureigot20 · 21/06/2023 20:52

Wheredowegonoww · 21/06/2023 20:51

Happy update!

We came to the refuge this morning. Has a cry on the way but oh my goodness, I feel amazing.
I feel stressed but I'm happy. I feel peace and I know my eldest feels the same.

I'm sure there are bad days to come but I feel the most relaxed I've felt in a long long time.

Fabulous update. Well done! Remember this feeling when you start second-guessing yourself x

babbscrabbs · 21/06/2023 20:56

Well done, that's no mean feat.

Make sure you keep the nasty messages and other evidence eg photos of smashed up wall etc if you have it, document what you can of abuse you've gone through.

Could you speak to your landlord and explain what's going on, that you're in a refuge and ask for your name to be taken off the tenancy? I'm not sure if that's possible?

Original poster
Wheredowegonoww · 21/06/2023 20:58

@babbscrabbs I'm going to send a message tonight. Hopefully I can be taken off

OP posts:
GxE · 21/06/2023 21:02

Well done! You’re doing an amazing thing for yourself and your children, very brave and your children will notice ❤️ Stay positive ❤️

Newestname002 · 21/06/2023 21:03

Wheredowegonoww · 21/06/2023 20:58

@babbscrabbs I'm going to send a message tonight. Hopefully I can be taken off

Fingers crossed for you. 🌹

Original poster
Wheredowegonoww · 21/06/2023 21:06

@PaigeMatthews I'd just like to say I initially thought your message was really harsh.

When I've had moments where I've needed to reassure myself that I'm doing the right thing, I look at your response.
It's made me feel empowered and like I'm doing the right thing because you were absolutely correct.

I just want to thank you for that.

OP posts: