Dating multiple guys at the same time

[AmyJahabee]

dating two or three or more guys in the casual getting-to-know-you sense. But not having sexual and emotional relationship at a time with them. I have recently join online dating and been with one date with a really nice guy after date we constantly texting each other but no second date, so I asked if we can meet yesterday, he says he can’t as kids school activities perfectly understandable but he didn’t offer to make future arrangements to meet. I’m feeling sad that he may not be that into me. So to avoid my emotions getting everywhere in the selection process of my future boyfriend/ partner. Should I date multiple? How did you ladies do it? Any guys here to advice what to do?

I personally do one at a time (but no judgement to those who do it differently). I just don't believe you can give someone your proper attention when you are trying to juggle multiple people's feelings. Because emotions ultimately always end up getting involved as that is part of being human. It is damaging to try to choose someone with no emotions guiding your decision. We just need to engage brain at the same time :)

More than one guy at a time doesn't work for me. It makes me feel stressed and pressured to choose. It completely takes the fun out of it. I would also absolutely hate it the other way round. I would rather step back than compete for someone.

Yes. If I were seeing more than one guy I wouldn't be fairly concentrating on either.

I think this is the issue with online dating in general. It programs you to keep searching for a better deal.

Yes I dated multiple people at once. Not past one or two dates each though, possibly three, as I think it’s pretty clear by then whether you want to continue dating. Emotions and feelings didn’t really come into play that early on, certainly not enough to be stressful, so I didn’t find it difficult to manage.

Purposefully dating makes this a bit weird to me.

I met severall single guys at once at uni in different places - seminars, clubs, halls etc. But I wasn't purposefully meeting them just to find out whether or not we had chemistry. My husband and I had the most chemistry, and got together, but he wasn't the only one I liked.

I think it's very different to have a couple of dates with one guy met online whilst also casually meeting people IRL as opposed to systematically ranking and processing a few guys from online.

Yes, this is true. The problem is, usually there isn't someone great just waiting for you at the next swipe.

To be clear, I find it stressful because I feel pressured to decide. Nothing to do with feelings.

Although if I didn't like them at all I would find the dates a massive chore. But I'm not a people person and don't find dates with strangers fun in the slightest.

I dated a few at once. Not literally all at once, though that might have been more efficient... But dates were just another thing to juggle between work, evening activities, meeting up with friends and family, and I made a rule for myself that existing activities and friends always took priority above dates.

Online dating is a numbers game unfortunately. Unless you are really lucky there will be plenty of promising dates that don't work out beyond a third meeting. Absolutely nothing wrong with cultivating multiple dates and seeing where they lead. I sometimes went on three different dates during the same week. So long as you are not stringing anyone along I can't see the issue.

Do you think men are talking to and having first/second dates with only one woman at a time? They are not!

You're not dating someone when you've only met them in person a few times. You're just meeting someone with a view to seeing if you will date.

If you can't handle meeting up with more than one man at a time, that's fine. But don't stop chatting to other men and don't invest too much in the one man you're meeting (I can bet he isn't limiting himself to just chatting to and meeting you).

@MoreCoffeeAndCake you said it for me exactly. This is what I didn’t understand so naive of me. Been on one date with Mr A he’s lovely and after the date showed so much interest and still texting constantly not much phone calls, so a week later the first date I thought no issue for me to ask him for a second date but he can’t make it and didn’t offer to schedule future date. This is what made me think he really is not that into me/ talking to other females etc. so moving forward I will not talk to just one at a time for my own sanity but will not mislead anyone and try not to invest too much. As with Mr I have already visualise our future together 😂 I feel very daff.

I do this too. Imagining weddings and couples holidays after a single nice conversation 😂

@MoreCoffeeAndCake is spot on. Majority of men are taking all the dates they can get so it’s advisable to not invest too much into one guy until at least a few dates in when you’re actually “dating” as opposed to the introductory dates/early meet ups .