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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I? Another good old-fashioned mn MIL rant

43 replies

Cappuccino · 22/02/2008 08:21

my mil is generally very lovely

but a while ago while we were having lots of work done on the house to adapt it for disabled dd and the ££s were stacking up, we went to stay at pils for a weekend. My parents had given us a lot of money towards the alterations, and eventually pils had stumped up a small amount. (They are not short of money, and dh knows that they often help out sil and it makes him a bit )

I took dh to the outlet village down the road to see if we could pick up another pair of the lovely fcuk jeans that made his bum look v nice and were only a tenner, since his old ones had a hole in

when I got back I sat down in an armchair with a coffee and happened to glance (oh, I know, this is where it all STARTS, and I know it was wrong, but am a nosy ex-journalist. Bite me) at a letter that mil was writing to a friend.

It said that I was getting dh into debt over the house and now was taking him down to town to spend even more, and I was addicted to shopping. We ought to be tightening our belts she said rather than going buying all the time.

Now this is ridiculous, you will never have met anyone more anal about money than me. My finance spreadsheets are legendary. I never spend anything if I can help it, and I barely have anything to wear, whereas mil is always at the shops buying stuff. I couldn't see how she had come to this conclusion after knowing me for over a decade, because of one trip to go get a cheap pair of jeans (which we couldn't even buy, they didn't have any)

Anyway ever since I have not wanted to go shopping when we stay at pils, which is sad because they live near lots of shops and a big city centre whereas our city centre is not the best place to shop.

This weekend we are going to pils and I want to go buy quite a few new things because as many of you know I have been ill for about 6 months and I want to get some stuff to wear to start getting out into the world again

but I don't want to cement her idea of me as a spendthrift

dh says if someone is 100% wrong you just ignore them and thinks his mother can go jump and it doesn't matter what she thinks

I don't really know why I do

do you?

OP posts:

LilRedWG · 22/02/2008 09:39

And stop reading other people's letters (I probably would have too )

Fillyjonk · 22/02/2008 09:43

"I would pretend to be terrible spendthrift (while secretly being tight) just to wind her up "

yes this is kind of my approach

it keeps MIL happy and appeals to my darker side at the same time

I realised that we were not destined to be kindred sprits when, about a week after ds was born, I went shopping for the usual faintly embarassing stuff you need post new baby and upon my return, and having sniffed through the bags, she sighed and said "my goodness, MORE new stuff for Fillyjonk.".

Blueskythinker · 22/02/2008 09:44

But if you start saying things like 'Oh aren't these lovely, I've been saving for aaages, she will know you have read her letter.

Megglevache · 22/02/2008 10:16

Message withdrawn

WallOfSilence · 22/02/2008 10:28

Jesus, what a nasty old bitch.

Does the friend she was writing to even know you? Why is she making you out to have some kind of problem?

That is what would piss me off, like it's any of her bloody business.

My MIL knows we are having cash flow probs at the minute.... she also knows we never spend money unless we have to. FIL & DH did some work for the same company & now it looks like the company is going tits up.. they owe dh £10,000! But even when I said I hope the cash is there before our next mortgage installment she said "Oh we're alright, FIL got quite a large payout from shares last week"

And off they flew for a fortnights holiday.... good job my old dad offered to help out with the cash flow probs..... (not that anyone should have to though, just some people are more thoughtful than others)

Hassled · 22/02/2008 10:36

I think the idea to get DH to "confess" to haing seen the letter is a great one. It will at least give the two of you an opportunity to defend yourselves.

And yes, my DH has that "Ignore what people think/say" attitude - far easier said than done (although it does get a lot easier with age).

sb6699 · 22/02/2008 11:31

My MIL think my husband only works to support my spending habits - even though I haven't bought myself anything since goodness knows when!!

We're moving house and I was showing her some furniture in the Next catalogue I liked for DD1's bedroom and she starts wittering on how I could get exact the same from blah blah blah much cheaper.

She goes on about how she bought a top for h baby for 50p and I should go there then telling me she's planning on spending £1000 on a bloody carpet for her tiny living room (even though her current one is less than a year old) and going on about her brand new Rolex.

Ignore her letter - spend what you like - and if she says anything at all tell her there's no harm in indulging ones self once in a while.

Your DH sounds very sensible - after all its really none of her business what your family does with its money.

cheshirekitty · 22/02/2008 11:42

Next time your MIL comes to visit, leave a half written letter to an imaginary friend lying around. Put in letter what a miserable, nosey old cow your mil is. Will make you feel 100% better!!!

Blueskythinker · 22/02/2008 11:46

Love that kitty, wish I'd thought of it!

toddlerama · 02/03/2009 19:23

Definitely wind her up with mock spendthrifting. I LOVE doing this! Get loads of catalogues to leave lying around - you don't have to buy anything but she probably wont be able to resist commenting, in which case you can have it out and clear it up. Then she'll probably write letters about how tight you are, but hey ho. Your fault for being a daughter in law you dreadful son stealer.

ComeWhineWithMe · 02/03/2009 19:28

This thread is from last year .

wotulookinat · 02/03/2009 19:34

wow, toddlerama, where did you dig this one up from? it's over a year old!

toddlerama · 02/03/2009 19:40

Weird, it just came up on my last 15 minutes...I think.....

wotulookinat · 02/03/2009 19:51

how strange

HecatesTwopenceworth · 02/03/2009 20:38

I think the problem is, with some people, when you accept money from them, they think they own you, and have rights over you and to dictate what you spend - or even that you have no right to spend anything. Such people are best avoided, or at least avoid having financial ties to them, because they will never forget that you owe them.

edam · 02/03/2009 20:44

oh, I was enjoying this thread and thinking about a post only to discover it's last year. Bum. And I was going to say something terribly clever and witty and helpful. Really, I was. Only it's gone completely out of my head now...

HecatesTwopenceworth · 02/03/2009 20:57

last year? Didn't notice.

That has been happening loads lately.

I blame that new tech person.

ChippingIn · 02/03/2009 20:59

So Cappucino - how have things with the MIL been in the past year? How are things with the house?? (LOL - good to have an update now we realise it's such an old thread!).

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