AIBU to enjoy the attention?

[LampHat]

In a bit of a moral minefield. I’m married - happily - but having young kids means things can get a bit stale and sex isn’t the top of my agenda. I just feel like a mum not at attractive woman. My husband still wants me, he would have it every day if he could, but we’ve balanced out at about one a week.

Here’s the thing. No one has flirted with me in years and I thought I was ok with that. However, a colleague has recently started hinting that he’s attracted to me and it’s really messed with my head. I have no plan to let it go anywhere, but it’s made me feel like me again. I don’t just feel like a dowdy mum. The upshot is I decided to focus this new found confidence on my husband, and we’ve been having a much more passionate relationship.

It’s still all very vague atm from the colleague, but there’s a definite vibe. I’m worried if I shut him down harshly I’ll feel like a dowdy old mum again, back to once a week. But if I don’t, I stray into being dishonest to my husband. I am not attracted to the colleague, but I feel like I’ve sparked back to life. WWYD?

(I think I know the answer )

If you don't shut it down, here's what I think will happen...
Your colleague will not be satisfied for ever with paying you attention without any reciprocation from you. You can only bask in their attention for so long before they will require encouragement or will take their interest elsewhere.
When you sense this happening, you will start to give a little more to keep their interest. Then a little more and more...till before you know it you're crossing your own boundaries and being disloyal to your H over a guy you don't even want.
There are far safer ways to feel you've still got it if that matters to you. Get dressed up, see for yourself how great you look. Go out on the town with your mates and enjoy the looks and approaches you get.

Slap yourself around the face, cold showers on in full force otherwise you are just about to embark on the biggest mistake of your life and ruin your dcs and dh's too once you find out your colleague is a sleazebag.

Good luck

You are playing with fire.
You need to shut this down before it develops.
How would you feel if your husband was doing this?
Confidence shouldn't come from a man finding you attractive.
Work on yourself, your boundaries, and cop the fcuk on.

Could be a slippery slope, or it could be just what you need to feel better about yourself. I don't think harmless flirting is an issue, however this is incredibly dicey ground in the workplace. It could end spectacularly badly.

You also need to be really honest with yourself. The path to hell is paved with good intentions, as they say. I don't know that you'll be able to keep this person at arms length as well as you insist you're going to be able to. If you could, I doubt you'd post about it here.

Oh my goodness you are spot on. Thank you. It is such a slippery slope.

Booking a haircut, girls night and a date night as we speak.

Knew MN would help me lose the vanity goggles! Thank you.

Ouch. I know you are right though. Thank you.

Well you and your dh are having fun,concentrate on building on that and keep away from the other guy.😀

What a LOT of wisdom

Where do you get it from?!

Yes 5128gap, well said

Just to update (not that anyone needs it!) I told my DH all about creepy colleague last night and showed him the messages. We laughed about it which felt good.

You’re all right - it would have been such a slippery slope otherwise! Thanks again for the reality check.

That makes you sound so mean.

He wasn’t ‘creepy’ when you were basking in his attention and now you’re laughing at him.

You’re not coming across at all well from any of this.

I wouldn't worry too much about him. He wouldn't be the first less than attractive men who used a woman's flagging self esteem to gain her interest when she wouldn't have looked at him twice otherwise.
Its a fairly common technique. Flatter and admire a woman at a time in her life when's she's a bit bogged down with her domestics and feeling overlooked.
He knew she was married and he knew what he was doing. Won't do him any harm to learn to focus his attentions on single women in future. Plus I doubt she'll call him a creep to his face.

I agree @MissTrip82 that's a horrible thing to say about him when initially you were flattered

He was always creepy. I was being too vain to see it. I have no doubt he’ll now move on and start creeping on someone else.

And I think it’s pretty obvious that I’ve not come across well here, which I why I’m asking on an anonymous forum and not telling me real life friends! Not proud of any of this 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't think you sound vain but you do need to work on your self worth

I'm considered very attractive and get a lot of attention. I usually just leave these situations to play out. I don't encourage but I also don't shut down.
About a third of the time the vibe changes slightly and I become almost 'safe to flirt with' as they know I'm married and not going to cheat on my husband, so it becomes more like an open joke. I actually dont mind this. The other times its either the man getting all butt hurt by my lack of reciprocation and after realising his fragile ego can't understand why my panties havent flown off, they start behaving differently, a bit mean at first rhen generally being snotty/shitty with me, times infinitum. The third outcome is they just quietly lose interest and move on to somebody else, which as a previous poster suggested you probably won't like much if you're enjoying the attention.

Imo as long as it stays at office banter level and nothing you wouldn't say in front of your colleges or husband is said, then it's fine.