To expect a thank you from my husband

[letty26]

My husband and I own a business, over the past year it has grown a lot. We have a joint account and if I spend I inform him beforehand what I’m going to spend it on (I’m not talking about household bills or food shopping etc) I’m talking about larger purchases. Not because he asks but just out of respect really I guess I’ve always done it. Anyway long story short, my husband has family overseas and we send them funds every now and again for birthdays, occasions, if they need anything etc. I’ve always done the sending and transfers through western union because we both decided I’m better with computers and online banking etc. He will ask me if I did it and I say yes. Very rarely do I get a ‘thank you’ or ‘thanks for doing that’. Usually I look over it but occasionally I do get annoyed and say ‘you can say thanks you know’ his response is always the same ‘you already know I appreciate you I don’t need to say all that’.

More recently, I had an issue with a transfer and I had to spend several hours - almost a full day rectifying the issue and ensuring they got the funds. He didn’t even say thanks. Just asked ‘is it done’ and I said yes and he said ‘ok’. So I snapped and said ‘not even so much as a thank you’ and he snapped back and said the usual ‘I don’t need to say all that’ followed by ‘you always need to be thanked or acknowledged and you get an attitude when you don’t’

So is it me who is just being dramatic to want a thank you or??

FYI I thank him all the time when he does something for me

Stop doing it.

Tell him to do it himself. He's taking you for granted.

Of course one expresses thanks. I thank my DH for my cup of tea every morning. He doesn’t have to, but he does.

What does he do for you?

So, what would it cost him to say thank you? A few seconds, a bit of oxygen, a bit of mental energy?

What's it going to cost him when you no longer do it, because he's not prepared to bear that cost?

‘you always need to be thanked or acknowledged and you get an attitude when you don’t’

What did you say back to him when he said this? Because you could say

’Yes, I do need to be thanked and acknowledged and you never do it. It upsets me that you don’t bother, and that’s why I “get an attitude”, because I think it’s rude of you. So why can’t you just thank me? It’s not much to ask, really.’

Don't do it. He needs to learn that thanks for your work is free to give but your hard work making it happen has taken time and effort. Also this is partly your money he's sending....
Do you send equal " joint fiunds" to your family? If not why not?

@NoSquirrels I told him that yes I do need to be thanked and feel appreciated. He said ‘why, I wouldn’t bother if you never said thanks to me your my wife we both know we appreciate each other’ so I informed him that that’s his prerogative if he doesn’t need to be thanked. But I have spent a lot of my life being unappreciated and before I met him I set personal boundaries and things I want. One of them is to be appreciated and thanked. And he said ‘oh you’re always talking about your past f* your past’. Btw I don’t talk about my past only what I learnt from it

@Caroparo52 i think he forgets it’s also partly my money. Yes my family do get the same but even more recently he hasn’t even been thanking them for anything they do for us or he’ll tell me ‘tell them thanks’ like it would take you 2 minutes to thank them yourself?

It's become "a thing"

Of course he should thankyou for doing it.

But he didn't the first few times, and now you want him to, and he's doesn't think it's a big deal, but it is to you, and he should see that and just say thankyou, but it's now a pride thing, and an expectation and he's being a dick.

Rewind. Sit down and say, look, I am happy to do this, but it does take time and effort, and a little bit of recognition and appreciation would go a really long way, and this doesn't have to be an argument...is that ok with you? It would mean a lot to me.

Stop doing it.

Right, then tell him that as far as you’re concerned, you aren’t interested in helping him with foreign money transfers any more, as he doesn’t think it’s worth any appreciation so he can sort it out for his family from now on.