Do I need to move out? Or is this normal?

[Urgsleepmoresleep]

I moved in with DP a few weeks ago it’s only for 9 months. We have been dating for a year, saw each other few times a week were we seemed to have quality time.

I am only with him for 9 months as I sold my house for a can’t refuse deal and bought a new build off plan. I was going to rent, but he suggested I move to his. I am paying little rent and deal was for me to buy food, cook and do more with chores. seemed fine as he is a rubbish cook and I do like to clean a live a clean house. this allows me to save too.

it’s week 3 and I am not too sure reality and expectations match. I don’t mind the cooking and he is doing chores 50%. I finish later than him, so when he comes in he plays his computer until I finish. But now he plays his computer all night, doesn’t talk much. I have said to him and he says we agreed nothing changes, and this is what I do.

I am so bored as I am far away from my friends. It’s just not great. Before I moved in we would chat, watch tv and just chill out. Now it’s me watching him play computer and him getting huffy if I say anything. He is sticking to one night a week out with the guys which is fine. But if something I want to do together falls on this night, he reminds me he wants one night out, even though it can change.

i am not too sure if he or I are selfish. Or I was expecting things to be as they where when we didn’t live together. It seems now I am here no effort is made. I am so bored and lonely miles away from my friends.

It can take some adjustment and I wouldn’t jump to conclusions just yet. I am in a similar boat. Moved to a different city and was offered to stay with my partner. We’ve been dating for 6 month -riot to that and he’s always been very caring and loving. We agreed a similar arrangement to yours. And we also agreed that us moving in together will not change the lifestyle we are used to (we both have difficult co-habiting situations with previous partners). So he does go out once a fortnight and this is a priority over our shared plans. It bothered me at first but that’s what we agreed to so we adapted and planned things to do together outside of his protected weekend.
I can honestly say that the first 8 months were rubbish and many times I questioned myself whether this is for me and if the relationship is worth it. Like you, I was missing my friends and felt really isolated in the house. I work from home also.
His attitude also changed, he seemed more distant, less attentive, less likely to talk after work etc. I was extremely careful not to let my emotions take over and tried to open a conversation in a non-judgemental way. The thing is, moving in together was a massive step for him. He wasn’t ready to do it and he found it very stressful. His way of dealing with it was to withdraw. We spoke and I told him how much I value his priorities but that I feel isolated and I feel like we are not making shred memories and using this time to learn about each other. And I would love for us to s-end more time talking and sharing and doing things together. I also started getting out of the house more, going to the theatre and museums, movies. Even if just by myself. This gave me a sense that he is not my sole source of joy. I also started paying some of the bills. He tried to decline it but I did it anyway. It’s a small amount of money but it did shift the balance somewhat.
And then all of the sudden it’s like a switch flipped in his head and I got my loving partner back. All it was is the initial shock of letting someone into his home and fear of being open with another person and fear that his life is going to change. Perseverance, reassurance, love and open conversations helped us both to get over the hump and we are stronger than ever now.
I’m not saying that this is your situation but I just wanted to give a different and more compassionate perspective because I know that 90% of replies will be along the lines of “leave him”

So until you moved in with him, you'd spend a few evenings a week together, and spend time apart, doing your own things?
Can't you go back to that?
He has his night with his mates. You two have 2 or 3 nights that you arrange to spend together (date nights). The other evenings you plan to spend doing your own thing.
You could take advantage of the situation (free accommodation/ petcare/ storage) to do more for yourself - go and visit/ sleepover at friends' places, go on trips to places, take up interests and hobbies for yourself...

He might start feeling less overwhelmed/ realising that he actually enjoys your company and that's why you got together in the first place, in which case the date nights will be more quality time that what you get right now.
If that doesn't happen, and he can't even ring-fence a few evenings to prioritise you, then it's pretty clear that in 9 months (or whenever your new home is ready) you will probably stop spending any time with him.

How mature is he if he must have a night out with his mates every week? 🤦🏽‍♀️
It sounds like you're just not compatible. And if you don't see forever with him (you didn't intend to live with him permanently), then what's the point?

Why do people on here talk about having sex as payment/a favour to your other half. They are having sex with each other?. Its not a payment for living there. I assume she enjoys it?

Well you are using him to crash at before you buy a new house.

No actual plan to live together in the future?

So he just does his normal routine. Sounds reasonable to me.

@femfemlicious i do enjoy the sex so I don’t see that as payment. He is not forcing or expecting it.
@burnoutbabe suppose you are right. No plans as yet. We were discussing him renting out his house and moving in with me

That's good. Sex is enjoyed by both parties or it shouldn't happen.

Methinks you should sit and talk to him about it and if no change, move out. Don't use him for somewhere to stay like some are suggesting