Please stop asking me if I’m pregnant

Original poster

Superfloop · 16/06/2023 16:25

Honestly next time it’s tempting to tell her to f* off

although it would go against the parental behaviour agreement 😂

OP posts:

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 16/06/2023 16:28

I don’t get how it’s so hard. You don’t say anything until someone announces they are pregnant. You don’t ask if they want kids, have kids, when they’re having kids. You don’t look at them strange if they say they don’t have kids, or don’t want kids, don’t want more kids or can’t have kids. You don’t make a comment if they have more kids than you deem appropriate. And when someone announces they’re pregnant and clearly happy about it, you say “congratulations, that’s so exciting”. You don’t ask if it was planned.

ReaIIyThough · 16/06/2023 16:29

Is she young? I think when I was young I was so naive and oblivious to the issues people faced. As I matured I realised there's so much going on behind the scenes.

Original poster

Superfloop · 16/06/2023 16:29

ReaIIyThough · 16/06/2023 16:29

Is she young? I think when I was young I was so naive and oblivious to the issues people faced. As I matured I realised there's so much going on behind the scenes.

She’s maybe 50?

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dearJayne · 16/06/2023 16:30

Superfloop · 16/06/2023 16:23

Just this really

My DCs nursery key worker has asked me this a couple of times now in casual conversation.

Yesterday we were laughing about how DC2 is a handful and that when they come up to nursery in September it will be very different to the experience of older siblings.

then she said “so another baby not on the cards then?”

I said “I don’t know, maybe”

“you’re not pregnant are you?”

this is maybe the fourth time she’s asked this?

I don’t think anyone should ask this, especially if you don’t know someone very well and/or have a professional relationship with them.

I’ve had multiple miscarriages in the past and when someone has asked me this a few days after losing the baby it was just a horrible question to answer. And you don’t know what’s going on with people’s fertility… and it’s just bloody nosey!!!

I had a similar conversation at nursery with dd last year. It turned out dd was telling people I had a baby in my tummy.

I didn't, I physically unable have anymore children.

Original poster

Superfloop · 16/06/2023 16:31

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 16/06/2023 16:28

I don’t get how it’s so hard. You don’t say anything until someone announces they are pregnant. You don’t ask if they want kids, have kids, when they’re having kids. You don’t look at them strange if they say they don’t have kids, or don’t want kids, don’t want more kids or can’t have kids. You don’t make a comment if they have more kids than you deem appropriate. And when someone announces they’re pregnant and clearly happy about it, you say “congratulations, that’s so exciting”. You don’t ask if it was planned.

Might get this printed on a tea towel!

OP posts:

ReaIIyThough · 16/06/2023 16:31

Oh wow I didn't expect that! Can't even think of a single reason why she would think its OK to mention having babies! Just because we've got them doesn't mean we didn't have issues and are not currently having issues. You'd think people would be more aware.

Original poster

Superfloop · 16/06/2023 16:32

dearJayne · 16/06/2023 16:30

I had a similar conversation at nursery with dd last year. It turned out dd was telling people I had a baby in my tummy.

I didn't, I physically unable have anymore children.

Show quote history

I did ask DD who looked at me like I had three heads and said “you don’t, do you!?” in horror!! Haha

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TokyoSushi · 16/06/2023 16:33

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 16/06/2023 16:28

I don’t get how it’s so hard. You don’t say anything until someone announces they are pregnant. You don’t ask if they want kids, have kids, when they’re having kids. You don’t look at them strange if they say they don’t have kids, or don’t want kids, don’t want more kids or can’t have kids. You don’t make a comment if they have more kids than you deem appropriate. And when someone announces they’re pregnant and clearly happy about it, you say “congratulations, that’s so exciting”. You don’t ask if it was planned.

Exactly this, I don't understand how some people don't get it!

Original poster

Superfloop · 16/06/2023 16:33

To be fair, DC telling people I was pregnant was my first thought but defo not the case as far as I can tell

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Original poster

Superfloop · 16/06/2023 19:34

DH said he was asked the same thing today!!!! (about me not him - obviously)
Honestly just seems a bit weird at this point

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Original poster

Superfloop · 16/06/2023 19:35

I mean, even if I was, would tell people when I was good and ready!

it’s not fair to put people on the spot like that

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Thepeopleversuswork · 16/06/2023 19:49

I find it absolutely astonishing that people persist in asking others questions about their fertility or family planning intentions. It’s so crass and ill mannered.

Rupiduti · 16/06/2023 19:55

I'll bet your child has mentioned several times that mummy has a baby in their tummy. I work in childcare and this has happened to me very recently, only I didn't ask the mum because a) that would be rude and b) it's none of my business.

For what it's worth, I know mum isn't pregnant. But even if I suspected she was, I wouldn't ask.