To move our wedding date

[thelastapple]

We are having a short engagement, will be just under a year. Original plan was to take along parents and in laws but they both have clashing holidays/weekends aways booked which leaves us only with the last week in October where everyone is available. This will reduce our honeymoon options and DP has already booked leave for a fortnight in autumn and in his line of work it’s not easily altered. If we move to the date where all our loved ones can make it we will only have one week remaining of annual leave for the honeymoon, which isn’t the end of the world but makes things quite hectic and reduces our destinations due to it being end of season for a lot of resorts.

I am a bit sad family can’t shuffle round their commitments but totally understand why and we are only going for a low-key day anyway. The plan would be that they would attend the registry office ceremony, photos and then we’d go for a drink with them and they would go off and do their own thing, as would we. Would it be unreasonable to move our dates and just elope the two of us, meaning we have time for a lovely hopefully sunny honeymoon?

A relative suggested we hire a teepee or hall and have a big party for all loved ones once we return, and wear our outfits again. I love this idea but I don’t want to deeply regret not having our parents there to watch the special moment and be there for photos.

WIBU to move the date and just go the two of us, or am I prioritising the wrong thing?

you need to decide if having parents there is more important than a holiday - which is all a honey moon is.

We had our proper 'honeymoon' the year after the wedding for various reasons - straight after wedding we took a week in the UK - mostly because family had come a v long way for the wedding and we wanted to spend some time with them.

I think eloping in this situation is fine.
If they knew the date but have booked holidays and weekends away without taking this into account then this is on them.

Why not go for the October date to have your parents etc there and have a few days away. Then book a winter long haul honeymoon in Feb ish time

I think yabu bring it forward or backwards bit you can't expect parents to cancel their holidays etc because you want a longer holiday!

Don't elope that's hurtful

Have a week away and have the proper honeymoon next year.

Elope and live with not having them there (you sound like you're regretting that before it's happened).

Get married earlier than planned but keep the honeymoon dates as is.

If you were planning on having everyone together did you speak to them about this before you booked dates? Or did you just book dates and assume they'd be free?

Keep your original plan, have a few days in Uk or Europe and then go on a long haul trip next year like February

Do you need to go on honeymoon immediately after the wedding? Just go away for a few nights then book whatever holiday you want further down the line. Depending on where you want to go, there are lots of locations that at hot all year round.

I think honestly, if it’s important to you to have family there, then you should plan something better for them than attending the ceremony (which takes no time at all) and going for a drink with them, and then wanting them to get lost and do their own thing so you can too.

I’m totally unsurprised that people would not want to change their plans for this kind of wedding. The wedding and drink could be over within an hour, so I wouldn’t change my holiday plans to attend it!

• Elopement with legal ceremony
• Nice honeymoon
• Big Shiny Almost Wedding (eg humanist celebrant, blessing of marriage) which you treat, in front of all family and guests, at all times, as "the real main event"
• Short holiday after

Anyone who wants a humanist, Hindu, Muslim wedding has to have separate legal and (non or..) religious ceremonies in England and Wales anyway so it's not all that unusual to do.

Have a fabulous holiday on the dates already booked off work, then the wedding when everyone can make it, followed by a really luxurious weekend near by.

I think parents changing holidays is far preferable to op having a shorter honeymoon. Unless they’re a squillion pound non refundable…

Are we talking this autumn? How much notice did you give everyone? It's unreasonable to expect all your family to re-arrange their already booked holidays because your DP has unilaterally chosen when to take his holidays, obviously without bothering to see if that was suitable. Has he even tried to change his AL?
BTW, eloping is not selfish. If that's what you'd like to do, it's perfectly OK. Your wedding, your decision

As a pp said, which is more important to you, a holiday, or having your parents at your wedding ?

If you are in a normal, loving relationship with your parents, the answer seems obvious to me

Personally, I’d want my family there. Probably go for a short break afterwards and maybe more of a major honeymoon (Asia? Africa?) in the new year.

I’d keep the original date and have a lovely few days away in the UK then go with the teepee wedding party and have your big honeymoon after that.

I've put YABU because the sensible the thing to do would be to move the honeymoon. I don't know of anyone who went straight after their wedding, I didn't even have one!

You’ve moved your date to accommodate them, that’s suggests you do both care if you want them there or not. A couple of months before our wedding I wanted to fuck it and elope but I’m glad we didn’t and went through with the wedding. Have a week honeymoon when you get married and then go on another one next year. Most people have a mini-moon and then bigger honeymoon later, although I would say mini moon needs to be a few days in Europe. My cousin had a “mini-moon” to NY for 5 days then 3 weeks in Thailand was her “honeymoon” 6 months later, I’d argue they had a great honeymoon and then a great trip the year after but whatever.

Last week of October you could still get some good destinations. NYC would work for end of October, especially if you’re a fan of Halloween.

I find eloping a bit sad tbh. Fine if your family is complicated and a wedding would just cause more grief. But if you have a good relationship with them, you will want them there to share your special moment.