To ask my friend not to chase me up

[Chaseonthecasee]

Such a strange one…

I have a male (completely platonic) friend and he has some anxiety issues.

Whenever we spend time together he is completely normal. Great company, engaging, interesting.

However, he has this weird habit where, when he texts me (we text daily), and I don’t reply straight away, he’ll chase me up with “hello???” or something similar.

I’ve already told him that if I don’t reply, it’s because I’m working or with my kids etc. And he’s always lovely and apologetic.

He still does it though! Pretty much every day.

He did once say it was a symptom of his anxiety (I’ve had anxiety myself so I understand).

It’s pretty harmless but can be super annoying. Is it awful to be a bit firmer and ask him not to do it? I don’t want to make him feel crappy but it drives me a bit mad (although only very mildly).

What happens if you just ignore his message ... does he keep texting 'hello' over and over again?

Is there any need to be texting daily, he does sound as though he is over invested in your friendship?

I can't imagine texting someone every single day ... I would just ignore him if he hasn't respected your nicely worded suggestion to stop hassling you. There's a difference between being a good friend and a doormat.

When you reply just tell him you have a busy life and will get back to him when you can, but you can't and won't respond instantly regardless of how many messages he sends.

I don’t there’s ever been more than one chaser. I’m a pretty good texter-backer though.

I do agree he is very invested in the friendship. He’s admitted he gets like this with people.

He’s completely ‘normal’ (sorry, can’t think of a better word) in real life though!

In response to your question - no it's not awful to stand up for your own boundaries and be assertive!

He's essentially demanding your time like a toddler - I can't imagine a quicker way to kill a friendship (which I'm sure he doesn't want to do) so yes tell him to stop.

Then if he does anyway and you still really want to be friends, I guess the only thing you can do is mute him, and only engage when you're ready.

Don't apologise when you do reply or acknowledge that it's been a while, just reply to the original question.