Family dilemma

[Sullyssorryeyes]

So looking for some perspective as my mind is frazzled.
I'm recovering from Burnout since September last year. Have teens I'm caring for and work from home.
Recovery has been slow, naturally, due to responsibilities etc but iv made some lifestyle changes and it's still an ongoing process.

My problem is not knowing if or how much to get involved in family issues.

My siblings are going through a major fallout at the moment. It's been going on since end of last year. I have tried mediating, giving them alternative points of views to look at, talking to them individually but nothings resolved so far.

It's impacted the entire family, especially my mum.

I get on with them and they are turning me for help but it's causing problems between me and my partner. He says it's draining me and is the reason I keep having setbacks health-wise.

He is right, I'm absolutely drained.
But how do I watch from the sidelines while they are suffering without feeling guilty?

Not your circus....

Anytime anyone brings up the drama calmly state, "I don't have the head space for this" and change the topic.

I have experienced burnout. You are not strong enough to take on anyone else’s issues right now.

it takes a long time to recover. Your siblings need to sort their own shit out. Even if you were at 100%, could you really
solve this issue? They are adults - they either get on or they don’t.

tell them you just don’t have the strength - they need to resolve this issue themselves.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. If their fall out is upsetting your mum that is in them.

you owe it to your self and your children to rest and recover. If your siblings are normal decent human beings they should understand that.

I hope you take the time and space you need. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. This will get better - but it does take time.

You aren't responsible for your sibling's bullshit. Your misplaced guilt is just wasted emotional energy, and you are allowing it to impact your health and infect other relationships in your life. Let this shit go and tell your siblings you are officially checking out of their drama. Not your issue, you're no longer going to listen. You aren't a therapist, so if they need one, they can go find one. Take your life back, op. Enough is enough.

Thanks all, I needed to hear that.
I'm sat here in tears because iv had a massive row with my partner. That takes all my energy and I can't think straight.
He has a go at me for getting involved, so I then defend myself and he says he can no longer pick up the peices and on the cycle continues.

I desperately need to heal. Every inch of my body is in pain and it's psychosomatic from the emotional distress.

I wish I would just bloody learn! And stop trying to fix everything! Every time I have a tiny amount of energy I go in all guns blazing and hit a brick wall.

This burnout should have been a loud message to myself about setting boundaries but I keep getting roped in.

I'll have a look at things in the morning. Am shattered now.

Are you getting any counselling?

Developing and maintaining healthy boundaries is hard - but my god it’s worth it.

I go back to my counsellor when I feel myself slipping back into bad habits.

it’s amazing how people do respect boundaries when you enforce them clearly and without guilt or emotion.

Text your siblings right now. Tell them you are taking a break from them, effective immediately, and you will not contact them for at least two weeks. Also tell them that you are no longer willing to hear about the drama they have with each other.

Ignore your siblings. There’s a great quote that mumsnetters often use “don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm”.
So who to prioritise -> YOU
You said your partner was right, so don’t row with him, listen and protect your own health.
Don't feel guilty that siblings upset your mum? THEY should feel guilty!
Hope you start feeling stronger soon 💐

@Stripedbag101 yes I have had counselling in the past.

She highlighted my lack of self control when it comes to being there for my family. It's reached a point where, even if they only confide in me and don't actually want any physical help from me , I still take the whole problem on myself and try to 'fix' it.

It's going to take a lot more therapy I think but iv got zero energy for therapy at the moment. Only recently my GP has diagnosed me with ME CFS and burnout has set me back even further.