Fuming at this

[Peopledrivemenuts]

A while back I posted about my DH's (more estranged than not) father and step mum. The unanimous conclusion was they have red flags all over them and under no circumstances should we ever leave our child alone with them.

Since then numerous other incidents have happened which has made it even worse. The "step mum" once told me she has arranged with my DH that our child will be going round every Wednesday from now on. This was not true. It was a bizarre and and outrageous lie 😳. I don't know what she thought she was doing! Of course my DH would never agree to this. It is this kind of manipulative behaviour and boundary crossing that has really entrenched my concerns about them.

Our child as far I as knew was being looked after by her paternal Grandma when I recieve a group whatsapp with a photo of my child at the red flag house with the red flag people. She had been taken by SIL.

We have told SIL about the problems we have had with them and she isn't to take our child there as a buffer so she feels more comfortable with them. She has asked to do that before and we said NO. We think SIL could easily be manipulated into leaving our child with them. I don't like my child being passed from one person to another without my knowledge and agreement. Call me controlling, but that's how I feel.

Am i being unreasonable for being really annoyed about this?

What would you have done? How would you handle it.

I'd be mad as hell, I would want my dc with me at all times tbh and only visiting if me or dh were going. Red flag house no way and make it very clear to all concernned why we are nc and have blocked on everything.

Don't leave your DC with anyone you don't 100% trust. It is that simple.

I'd be round there asap and dragging my kid out.

How dare they?!

I wouldn't allow my child to be left with any of them again.

What would you do re paternal grandma for allowing this situation to happen. I only found out because partneral grandfather posted the photo.

The number 1 answer is, and will always be...do not leave your child with anyone you can't trust. Ever.

Spending time alone with DC is a privilege you earn and paternal grandma and SIL both lost that privilege.

Assuming she knew your DC were not to go there, I would explain that she’s broken your trust and will no longer be able to have the DC unsupervised.

As PP have said, don’t leave your DC with people you can’t trust 100%

I'd tell paternal grandma that she would no longer be able to look after my child as she can't be trusted to stick to what was agreed. The child sees her and her only at your home. If Grandma doesn't like it, then tough she can take it or leave ot.

Make it very clear to both of them that you and DH are the child’s parents, they follow your rules from now on regarding your child’s welfare and if they can’t or won’t do this then they don’t get unsupervised access to the child.

We don't talk about either paternal parent to the other so paternal grandma wasn't aware of our concerns with her ex husband and step mum.

We don't bad mouth or gossip in real life because we want to set a good example to our child. I'm here doing this anonymously because I want to get a consensus on my outrage and work out the reasonable way forward.

So SIL knew, so that's easy to deal with. She has definitely breached our trust.

paternal grandma has an attitude where she overules and knows better than both DH and I so that's where my trust issue is now. Would she just make a decision and hide it from us. I think there is a chance of that.

You know the answer. Don’t let any of that side of the family have the child by themselves.

Of course my DH would never agree to this

Really?

It appears to me, that he's from a family where everybody just lies and denies their way out of a corner

Yes very good point well made 😏

DH is NC with BIL due to extreme abuse in childhood that his parents refuse to address or discuss. We left DS with them for 2 hours when he was 3 and I had to hospital appointment. They invited BIL over. They were never left alone with DC again. You only get one chance to give your children a good childhood. Never let FOG fuck it up for you.

Yes that's annoying.

The wall of silence and then the quietly inviting him over.

It feels exactly whats happened here. Grandparents undermining their own children. 🙄

Very simple.

You politely but firmly say to his mum and sister that they aren't to take your DC anywhere without your permission, and definitely not to red flag house.

Explain that if they do, they won't have DC over again.