Cheating, cheated or innocent?

[Hrcg87]

DC was playing on DH's ipad and opened his messages when he handed it back to me to put youtube back on.

There was a message of a girl (OW) he used to work with that read:

OW "Hiya, it XXX. I know you have blocked me on everything and forgot i had your number saved but i just want to know why you have blocked me again? If its something i have done please let me know"

OW Another msg "block my number by all means just trying to understand"

DH reply "you know why i cant handle you my head falls off"

OW "ive been having a really hard time and needed someone to talk too. At least tell me whats going on instead of blocking me. That really hurts"

DH: "i know but if i tell u what i think i al worried you will disappear, i know it doesnt make sense. Im still here if u want to chat"

OW "i wont, id rather you tell me whats going on, it upsets me when u block me"

DH " fair enough, i messed up and am sorry. Promise it wont happen again. U still my friend?"

OW "of course"

All other messages of her have been deleted.

Just seems a rather odd convo, considering she was just a temp at his work and left a few months ago.

From what you have said about him so far, he seems quite good at hiding things, I suspect it would be unlikely for him to involve children who could let it slip to you?

My advice would be, if you do confront him. Don't go in with the messages straight away as he will try and explain them away. Go in with an open question

• tell me what is going on with X?

He will say 'nothing' and you say -I know that's not true and I have evidence, this is your chance to tell me the truth. He won't know what the evidence is, so is more likely to be honest. If he isn't, then you can show him the screenshots

Sending you a big old hug.

I’m sorry OP, what a horrible situation. From the messages, if it’s not a physical affair then at the very least it’s an emotional affair - otherwise why hide the messages?

I personally wouldn’t be able to go on holiday with this not resolved, I would spend the whole time worrying about what he’s doing.

It’s a bit dramatic, but have you thought about messaging OW to ask her to meet you for a coffee? She may be more honest with you than he would be. She might tell him about your message, in which case I would tell him that you are a bit lonely and remembered him talking about this kind work colleague a few months ago so thought it would be nice to make a new friend. Let him stew on whether you are telling the truth!

She hasn't read or replied to his message last night, keep checking his account, but wondering of its gone in the message request folder so she wont have automatically saw it as they aren't friends on facebook.

Checked the Ipad, no texts other than those previously mentioned but now the number is no longer saved as a contact so looks like he os definitely covering his tracks (or trying to at the very least)

Just want her to respond with something thats definitive/ at least alludes to what exactly has been going on between them!

Sorry driving myself crazy!

Hi OP, how is your trip with your friend going?

Holiday was needed, and great.

So i have discussed the texts with DH, said i had received an anonymous message saying i needed to ask him about this woman.

When i mentioned her name he was like i know 5-6 women with that name, but am nit more than work friends with any of them. He got a bit upset that i thought he was up to something.

I then showed him the messages on the iPad and asked him to explain, his response was: she blows his mind - always blowing hot and cold whether she wants to be friends or not. Shes always in some drama, and he was sick of trying to help her when she never follows advice.

(Background abusive relationship - her partner worked at same company and was sacked for smoking weed in works carpark and was openly verbally abusive to her in office. My partner stepped in and told him where to go, he is like that and cant stand bullies, he also has a very sympathetic ear. His dad took his own life and he always try's to 'save' people).

The worried you will disappear - apparently she is pregnant to said abusive partner and he wanted to tell her he thought she was making a mistake and worried she might be suicidal as she has claimed/been in the past, so he didn't want to upset her further.

He has shown me a similar message to the original text on instagram and facebook, all trying to contact him for help/to talk as she is having issues.

He was heartbroken and terrified i didn't believe him and that i would leave him, he kept promising he would never do anything to hurt or risk our family.

Im now not 100% convinced he hasn't over stepped a mark being emotionally involved with her, however i do remember all the talk about her dramas, shes only 19, so may be immature/infatuated with older, kind man that is a bit of a softy and does always try his best to make everyone happy.

When i spoke to my best friend, she was adamant he would never do anything, said its clear he worships the ground i walk on etc etc and shes not one to mince her words when needed.

I just don't know?!

Oh dear. Doesn't ring true to me, but, I'm not in your life. I hope it works out for you

It sounds like they've been chummy and perhaps confided in each other about their lives which they both appear to have dissatisfaction with.

Hard to say if it's been a sexual attraction/flirtation or just crossing the line with sharing private details.

It's the deleting and secrecy that is worrying.

Sorry, OP, but his narrative is not true. His messages to her are clearly, clearly about him having feelings for her.

If it is as innocent as he says and no more than a friendship why does he feel the need to delete messages from her?