AIBU unreasonable to miss ex?

[MissingEx]

Maybe someone can talk some sense into me.

My partner decided to move out about 10 weeks ago. We have always had a volatile relationship, lots of arguments, drifted apart. We did not really cuddle or do anything. I always wanted to but he was always busy on his phone or doing nothing. The expectance of sex meant I was very reluctant to do it as I did not feel supported or wanted - I felt more like a housekeeper that also had pay more than fair share on top. I felt we managed to find more common ground over the last 2 years however the intimacy wasn't there. Again not because we didn't fancy each other, but I think life, jobs, children meant we were really run down. I could write an essay about his lack of help and the shit he pulled on me when DC were little, I wasn't very happy, however I believed we can get better. Over the last 2 years we slowly got to better financial position meaning less life stress. I thought we will start turning the corner, relax and actually start doing what normal couples do... How wrong was I?

He announced he was moving out and he was done. I was angry, how could I not be? He then kept coming back over few weeks asking if it was right decision, saying he wanted to come back. I said I needed time. I would have probably said yes if he once said he wanted to come back, that he made mistake and realises he loves me. Never said that but kept mentioning to come back. We have set the date to sit down and discuss once we both had time apart to think... only for him to rekindle his relationship with an ex from a decade ago. He actually has rushed and moved in with her.

And I..... I feel broken, cheated, upset, sad and all those feelings. I feel like he dangled the carrot with possibility that we can work out only to ditch me again silently. I am picking up the pieces with DC whom don't know about new relationship yet.

How can I miss him so much? How do I deal with this?

Oh honey, big hugs.

But you aren't missing him, you're missing the possibility of an improved relationship you had no certainty of. He sounds like an arse, he clearly doesn't respect you. Unfortunately it looks like reconciliation probably wouldn't have worked out if can be so fickle.

While it's obviously far too soon, remind yourself that you still have the very real possibility of a better, happier, settled relationship with someone else you just haven't met yet. You can still get what you're hoping for.

@FarmGirl78 thank you, very wise words albeit made me cry again

And don't compare now to how things were 12 weeks ago. You'll be comparing feeling very shit and lonely to "well it wasn't that bad, and we did have happy times". No. Compare how things were 12 weeks ago to hope they'll be in 6 months. In 2 years. In 10 years. You'll have a wonderful, independent, self sufficient, strong life, with freedom and without a half assed "well it'll do, i suppose it could be worse" relationship. You might even have a relationship with someone who thinks you are totally fab and actually makes an effort for you. So don't compare it to miserable now, compare it to where you'll be much further down the line.

@FarmGirl78 thank you so much, this really has helped. This is an advice I could not get from friends as of course they are biased and will always be on my side so I was doubting myself.

I have just gone through a lot of previous threads about break ups and I have read some advise given on them like swearing and calling your partner names is not acceptable and woman was advised to leave. I have lost count how many times I have been called vile names. Yet another reason proving relationship sucked.

He called me today and said he left because he wasn't getting what he wanted i.e. cuddles on the sofa ( he stopped that and when I asked for cuddles there always was an excuse of I need to relax or I am too hot).

This conversation today on top of finding out he moved on so quickly without any consideration for DC etc made me crack today and clouded my judgement.

I can only assume this is normal for long term relationships and need to find a way to deal with those feelings. Just feeling really lost and sad today.

So he's in a relationship for less than 10 weeks, and already looking to be unfaithful (with you?). Jeez, this man is a knob of rhe highest order. He doesn't have any understanding of commitment, so it's not even about which one of you he should be with. Hes not capable of being with ANYONE by the sound of things. Honestly, you're well rid of him.

Change his name in your phone to "DON'T DO IT" and next time he rings to come round, or you start to text him if you're feeling sorry for yourself, then you'll see that name on your screen as a welcome reminder.

Make a list of all the things about him that made you itch (even the ones where you fully know you were being OTT or unreasonable) and keep adding to it each time you remember something knob-ish that he did.

If you feel like crying at least run yourself a big deep bath and do it in luxury bubbles while eating a box of dairy milk.

The man is an asshole.

Ahh I read it slightly wrong. I thought he was trying to get cuddles and etc when he called round. I'm not changing my stance. The man is still an asshole.