To feel sad I had children so young that I can’t do it again now?

[Indoorvoicesbluey]

I think I’m having abit of a midlife crisis. Im 32

I have 3 children, my first two are from mt first marriage and are 15&13. I had them when I was 16&18.

my second girl is 7 and from this marriage.

dh absolutely does not want anymore children with me which is understandable.

but I’m so broody. I thought I was done. I feel so so so sad that I won’t be able to do it again as an adult who now has money and a happy life, friends and love. I even thought if god forbid we ever break up I won’t have time to meet someone and have another baby. Time is flying by and I will be too old :(

i don’t regret my older two at all, they are my best friends and are amazing. I just feel robbed of being able to enjoy the pregnant and babyhood.

my mum died when my second was 7 weeks old and I ended up with extremely bad PnD. With my youngest I didn’t get it at all and it was absolute bliss.

Teen parent with teens of my own now too. I hear you.
However, looks at your blessings, and your youngest is only 7 that's still really little. Parentings forever, the baby stage doesn't last and that's OK! I get you feel kind of robbed with the PND aswell but whose to say that wouldnt happen again and then you'd have a new born a 7 Yr old and 2 teens..... You now get your whole life to enjoy your children growing into adults and be a young grandma if they have kids of their own. Having kids is all you've known for 15 years and it's time to take back a bit more of your life for yourself

The joy of having your children younger is that your younger once they are independent or more independent.

Im 31 my oldest is 14, then 11 and youngest 7, so close enough and honestly I cannot see the appeal of going back to sleepless nights, nappies, potty training etc.

Also a fourth child wouldn’t promise a happy and fun postpartum or that it would fill that broody void you have.

I was 20 and 22 when had my older 2. Relationship with their dad failed and had my youngest with my new partner at 37yrs. Love them all and so happy have them but dealing with teenagers and a toddler is beyond exhausting and sometimes feel I’ve had to compromise on spending time with the older ones or holidays are toddler centred rather than moving to more adult things if just had older 2 to think about.

It's fine to feel sad, but don't let being broody create a hole in your life when you have so much. Sounds like you have achieved a lot despite the difficulties of having DC so young, losing your mum, and your first marriage breaking up. Don't focus on thinking about your second marriage ending and being too old for more DC. You've still got three DC - two teens who sound great and one who is still little. Enjoy them and your DH and your good job and all those great things and who know, you could be a grandparent by your 40s!

I had two at 19 and 20, then no more. Times were tough when they were young, so I get the whole idea of wanting to do it again with everything in place. I got a decent career later on and could potentially have had more to offer a child at an older age. I decided instead to just focus on the 2 I already had. There is a lot I was able to do for them as they got older that I just wouldn't have been able to, had I had more children. Financially, time wise, emotionally etc.

I went through a broody phase too but I waited it out and it passed. I was still relatively young when mine became adults and I had a lot of freedom to do my own thing. I'm in my 50's now and don't regret it at all. I feel glad I didn't go ahead and have any more.

I'm exactly the same. I'm 33, had my daughter at 16, she's now 17. I'm now married to DH (not DDs Dad) who has 2 DDs (11&8). My DH & I would love to have a child together. I would also like to experience having a planned child whilst in a happy relationship and financially stable. Obviously having a child was neither of those things, and whilst I wouldn't change having my DD for the world (she's amazing and we are very close), a lot of early years are a blur of panic and struggle.

That's what my heart says anyway. But my head knows that I sacrificed part of my teenage years and all of my young adult years to bring up my daughter as a single parent. And now at 33, I've got a great life and career and I will be able to enjoy that. Having a baby now, would put a unnecessary financial strain on us, we'd probably need to move to a bigger house, I'd have to put my career on hold, we'd be back to nappies, night feeds and childcare bills. I would be 50 before the next was 17 and getting ready to fly the nest off to uni etc.

Make some plans (me and DH are planning a backpacking trip in a couple of years time), embrace the freedom (we go out and do something just the two of us at least once a week).

It's my time to take my life back and that's what I intend to do :)

Just wanted to express some sympathy.

I feel like this, but for a very different reason.

I will never have a happy pregnancy. Miscarriages robbed me of my ability to enjoy DD growing in me, and I was addled with mental health problems and obsessive thoughts relayed to stillbirth and miscarriage. I hated the baby showers forced on me. I hated feeling her kick in case it was taken away.

we have her now, and she is magic and thankfully I am not anxious any more. But I am a one and done mum for a variety reasons- namely for financial, time and career reasons.

I have no fertility problems, I was just very unlucky. If I have a contraceptive failure and fall pregnant again, I would be deeply unhappy with either choice I would need to make. I really don’t want more than one child, but the alternative would be also be awful for me given my history.

I feel very sad that pregnancy wasn’t a rosy time for me, and will never be. I’m passionate about people enjoying theirs because it is so special. I wish I could rewind time and do-over my only shot with the knowledge I have now.

Really sorry about your mum.

Do you have much going on outside of family? I had mine fairly young too (early 20s) am mid 30s now and kids similar age, and I feel really positive and excited about it all. There is so much I want to do with my kids as teens, I'm excited for their futures, im excited for my 40s with my DH, I've got a huge list of holidays I want to go on, im excited about where my career will take me, hobbies I am considering I've got 2 years of school runs and then for the first time in my adult life I won't be a slave to school times!

In some ways I think I feel now how I was supposed to feel at 21, like I have the whole world at my feet. Perhaps you need to think about what you want from life outside of family?

My mum is actually really glad I had my children in my early 20’s because it meant she got be be a grandparent in her 40’s. She was still young enough to have them, take them away on holiday, basically do all the fun parts of parenting that she missed with me. I will also be in my 40’s probably when mine have kids of their own and I can’t wait to do the fun stuff with them! My I laws had their kids quite late so they are much older now and just don’t have the energy which I think the regret as they didn’t become grandparents until they were mid 70’s.

And just to say I do relate with doing it "properly" I had PND with mine and whilst I couldn't guarantee not getting again it would be so different having a baby now, with a career, house etc, but I'm proud of what we've achieved and the childhood we've given them, it's time for us next.

Im the opposite in terms of the age thing, we keep debating another baby after being firmly one and done but I’m 38 and DH 43. We are too old to have another, I can’t imagine being 50 and having one only just starting high school. So for me it’s that we started too old (I was almost 32 when we had DD)

I could easily have wrote this. 32 and have a 16, 13, and 11 year old. I've been broody since I was 30 but I think I'm just emotional about my children growing up. I can't even look at pictures of mine when they were young without getting misty eyed.

I wonder if the intensity of the broodines is because I know I'll never have another, eventhough at my age I probably could easily. A lot of women once thier kids reach this age are peri or already menopausal so that takes the decision from you anyway.

I'm enjoying the ages my kids are now, and they need just as much if not more support then they ever did but I'd love to go back and do it all over again.

I think you might have more time than you think if this is the route you decide to take. I had my 4th (a surprise) at 42, I know 2 people who had babies at 43.

I would say that our situation with our 4th was much better than our first children, more money, patience, experience etc. But it was still monumentally hard at times. I had PND with my first, but not the middle two. It came again with no. 4. She has been an utter delight, but just to say because the situation was better, it didn't actually make it easier really as also our own parents are older and associated problems with them have very much also come into play. (We need to support them more).

Anyway, there's no right or wrong, I'd just say trust your gut feeling on it probably! Not sure how helpful that is.

@Maztek being an old grandparent is something I think about. Which is silly because I may never be one! I was 34 having DS so if he follows suit I will be late 60s if not 70s. But both sides have pros/cons. I was NOT ready to be a mammy in my 20s. That said my mum is 56 my ILs are in their 70s FIL is 76 and he is very hands on with DS and they adore him.

Is there anything you'd like to do with your life when you've no longer got dependent children?

I didnt have my 2 very early, I was 24 and 30, I wanted more but had a few miscarriages between the 2, and it was likely to happen again, so we decided to quit while we were winning. I had that longing for a baby until I was 40, then it just went, as if I had outgrown it. It is hormones I suppose, your body just wants to procreate, but you need to do what is best for your present children, and your bank account.

Same here @Phos but in my case for years was madly hoping a 3rd baby would happen despite knowing rationally that it was a bad move for many reasons.

the doing it right thing - nobody does it all right or properly, every child is different and every situation has challenges.

I wonder too if you need to think bigger about what to do instead of having more kids, with your existing kids and your DH

I've decided that I'll hopefully have grandkids soon enough to enjoy them. And my career is flourishing. I wish I'd had them younger in a way.

I totally get where your coming from and I think I’m the most broody I have ever been I’m 43 and my kids are 21 19 and 13 it seems a lifetime ago and the world has changed so much in the last 10 years or so
my husband would love another he’s a little older but the dad to all three we lost a DD before our youngest and like a PP it robbed me of the enjoyment of pregnancy with our 13 year old I just couldn’t do it despite being super broody
you will be a young grandma but it’s nature to get broody and an idealised idea that in reality would be really different imagine a toddler with teens no thank you

Have to say I agree my youngest is 12 yrs younger than my eldest and the e difference between my 1st pregnancy (21 ) and my second is crazy. I'm so much more stable and comfortable in life and myself this time around , it was an absolute pleasure to be pregnant even the birth was amazing . I even feel sad at thoughts of not having anymore and I'm not 40 yet

Well I mean that last bit is another reason why we can’t. Except for being too old, we can do loads with a 6 year old that would be unable to do or become hugely more complex with a baby and we know that.

There is a lot I was able to do for them as they got older that I just wouldn't have been able to, had I had more children. Financially, time wise, emotionally etc.

@EmpressSoleil has a good point, you can use your time and additional resources to do more for your existing children. I don’t think it’s uncommon to feel broody when your children are getting older, I did as well, but DH had had a vasectomy. 😂 I’m relieved in the longterm, tbh.