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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have requested this at work? (Trigger:Domestic V)

41 replies

Hidemeaway · 14/06/2023 11:40

I’ve recently started a new job and I’m really
enjoying it and I’m good at it, everyone seems happy.

Last year I left an emotional and domestically abhsive relationship that left my soul destroyed, luckily there was no children involved and I feel in a safe space but I have had to delete majority of my social media.

The only issue is that my work have requested I create a staff profile that will be visible to the public and searchable on google by name and picture.

I feel uncomfortable and that I think with one google search my ex could find not only where I work but the office location too. I’ve spoken to my boss and he was nice but basically said that it’s a “job requirement” for clients to be able to find who they need to speak to and I’ve been told to submit my photo etc by next week.

I just feel at such a loss. I’ve come this far, moved cities and feel like I’m on edge now. Is this something I could raise with HR? What would you do?

OP posts:
Wildandwonderful · 14/06/2023 11:50

Have you considered using a different name. In your circumstances I would consider changing either first or surname so he will not find you in a basic search.

Rainbowseeker · 14/06/2023 11:51

Could you take on a new nickname for work and use that as your first name at work going forward?

Rainbowseeker · 14/06/2023 11:51

I also think you could definitely raise this with HR and look at strategies together

pebblesandsunshine · 14/06/2023 11:53

I think you need to raise this with HR, they can't use the photo without your consent and need to understand the implications of what they are asking of you

Tinkerbyebye · 14/06/2023 11:53

I would raise with HR, their requirements are putting you in danger

otherwise I would insist on using a completely different name, both first and surname at work as a compromise, and no picture

Original poster
Hidemeaway · 14/06/2023 11:54

They’ve said I can’t change my name as it has to match my work email which is on the profile anyway so it would sort of defy the point 😞

OP posts:
losingmymarblesagain · 14/06/2023 11:56

Can you change your work email too then?

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 14/06/2023 11:58

Hidemeaway · 14/06/2023 11:54

They’ve said I can’t change my name as it has to match my work email which is on the profile anyway so it would sort of defy the point 😞

They can very very easily set an alias on your work email account so that it can have a different name but still internally be linked to you. I have 3 different work email addresses because I work for an organisation with several different entities and they all come back to the same inbox.

jannier · 14/06/2023 11:59

Talk to HR they have a duty to protect their staff from harm. Explain your at risk of harm should he find you and as such need to change your email address to say your middle initial and surname and make a corresponding profile.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 14/06/2023 12:00

Push back on this. Is it in your contract? I would ask to speak to hr. They could make your a new email and nickname, your manager is just being a lazy bloke.

CoQ10 · 14/06/2023 12:04

Was this 'job requirement' discussed at the interview, or is it part of your employment contract?

If no, then you are within your rights to refuse. I would definitely speak to HR and also Citizens Advice and / or Women's Aid for advice.

Please don't do anything in the meantime. I had a psycho ex who stalked me for years and I had to pretend I'd left the company I worked for in order to escape his attention.

Companies should be clued up on this and support you, not make you do something that could put your life in danger.

BubziOwl · 14/06/2023 12:08

Hidemeaway · 14/06/2023 11:54

They’ve said I can’t change my name as it has to match my work email which is on the profile anyway so it would sort of defy the point 😞

So they will need to set up a new email address with your new alias. Literally the easiest thing in the world to do, they are being very unreasonable towards you if they refuse.

RosettaTheGardenFairy · 14/06/2023 12:09

Do you have an IT department? I would chat to them if so; in a lot of places when someone changes name (e.g. through marriage) it's done by adding an alias to the account, and the alias is used as the primary na.e meaning it goes on email addresses, internal profile etc. Only IT people in the background see the original name.

If they do this, they don't lose track of your legal name (for salary etc.) but nobody internally or externally us any the wiser.

It may mean changing name mid career from Emily Jones to Emma Johnson, but if that doesn't bother you then I'd go that route. It'll be easier with IT inside because they'll know how easy and regular it is vs HR and your manager just saying 'no' for no reason.

FictionalCharacter · 14/06/2023 12:16

I don’t believe they can insist on you making your photo public. I think your manager is overstepping- a client can find the right person to speak to without needing to see a photo. Definitely push back, because they’re trying to make you endanger yourself. Where I work they “encourage” things like this but they can’t force people to do it.

FictionalCharacter · 14/06/2023 12:18

RosettaTheGardenFairy · 14/06/2023 12:09

Do you have an IT department? I would chat to them if so; in a lot of places when someone changes name (e.g. through marriage) it's done by adding an alias to the account, and the alias is used as the primary na.e meaning it goes on email addresses, internal profile etc. Only IT people in the background see the original name.

If they do this, they don't lose track of your legal name (for salary etc.) but nobody internally or externally us any the wiser.

It may mean changing name mid career from Emily Jones to Emma Johnson, but if that doesn't bother you then I'd go that route. It'll be easier with IT inside because they'll know how easy and regular it is vs HR and your manager just saying 'no' for no reason.

Exactly. And at my workplace you can choose which alias to use as your primary.

OhComeOnFFS · 14/06/2023 12:20

I would change my name by deed poll, OP. I wouldn't want to risk him finding me.

CurlyQueues · 14/06/2023 12:28

CoQ10 · 14/06/2023 12:04

Was this 'job requirement' discussed at the interview, or is it part of your employment contract?

If no, then you are within your rights to refuse. I would definitely speak to HR and also Citizens Advice and / or Women's Aid for advice.

Please don't do anything in the meantime. I had a psycho ex who stalked me for years and I had to pretend I'd left the company I worked for in order to escape his attention.

Companies should be clued up on this and support you, not make you do something that could put your life in danger.

This.

A 'job requirement' to potentially put your life at risk. No. Just no.

Nordicrain · 14/06/2023 12:31

Work should be able to accomodate a "known as" name for you - bothon the website and in your email address. Obviously you will then need to use this name professionally, but I would do that.

lovemelongtime · 14/06/2023 12:34

HR manager here. Definitely speak to your HR team. Under data protection rules we cannot use someone's photo without consent and unless there is something in your contract referencing this ( which I highly doubt), then you cannot be forced to do this
Any decent org would not compromise safety of an employee. And if this really is "essential" then they need to support the request to alter email address so as not to be identifiable.
Good luck and stick to your guns.

YukoandHiro · 14/06/2023 12:44

Go to HR and explain.

Would you be happy with initials plus surname and no photo? I bet they'd be willing to find a compromise

YukoandHiro · 14/06/2023 12:45

They could change your public email to a generic that reverts to you too

Justalittlebitduckling · 14/06/2023 12:52

Was it on the job description/ is it in your contract?

jannier · 14/06/2023 12:54

OhComeOnFFS · 14/06/2023 12:20

I would change my name by deed poll, OP. I wouldn't want to risk him finding me.

Good idea

Phineyj · 14/06/2023 12:57

I am dealing with the local authority over an EHCP assessment for my child. All correspondence goes to a group email address to which I assume the team all has access and replies come back from named people.

The managers' emails are listed on the website (no photos) and I recognised one of them from a social group I belong to.

You are right to be cautious!

There are many services where workers could be at risk from their clients, never mind personal threats too.

I'd ring the local police non emergency number for advice and also try the Suzy Lamplugh Trust. External advice may help your none too bright management to understand the risk they're asking you to run.

Chowtime · 14/06/2023 13:00

I'd just say no. There's a massive shortage of staff at the moment so in the very unlikely event that you'd be sacked on the basis of not doing it then at least you'll be able to walk into another job.

Just before you say no send him an email telling him that you are in transition from female to male - i'd like to see him try to sack you after that lol.

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