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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to go home…

2 replies

Blossomflo · 14/06/2023 06:18

Dh, dd and I moved to his home country (an EU country 2 hours from the UK) almost a year ago when my daughter was a baby. We had previously lived here but had moved to the UK for a better quality of life. We had no choice to return so my husband could complete some unavoidable training for his job. My husband still has 14 months of training to do which requires he stays here, he works sporadic long shifts, nights and weekends.

The thing is, I am desperate to leave and go home, but of course don’t want to leave dh. I’m so lonely here, his family live 10 hours drive away from where we are so we don’t have family support. My daughter is now 20 months, but all babies go to nursery all day from 12 months here so the parks are always empty until 4.30, there are absolutely no baby/toddler groups and no things like soft play or sports classes. I tried to set up a group with some international friends but they live all over the city so we only manage to see each other weekly max. There is also a language barrier which makes it more isolating. I also have an anxiety disorder which can make being alone here harder.

We just returned from a holiday in the UK and I feel like I physically can’t go back to spending all day in parks alone with my daughter. She absolutely thrived there with the toddler groups, company from cousins and other children and has such a close bond with my parents etc. Coming back to this country and facing another 14 months of this life feels awful and a waste of what should be such an amazing time with my daughter. I know she’s missing out on so much. All I want to do is move back home, but that would mean us living apart from my husband and her dad for a year, and that also isn’t in her best interests or his. Help!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 14/06/2023 06:21

Would it be feasible for your husband and you to regularly travel back and forward say once a month if you move back here?

sounds like you need to sit and have a good chat wihh him about the best way forward

SeeingSpots · 14/06/2023 06:26

I'm not surprised you want to go back to the UK it sounds incredibly lonely and monotonous.

You need to sit down with your DH and have a serious discussion about how practical it is being in his country for the next year and see if there's any way you and your daughter can move back with him visiting sporadically. Yes it won't be ideal for him but equally the current set up is massively disadvantaging your child and leaving you isolated so something has to change asap.

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