To find it incredibly difficult to change my life the way I want? Has anyone else faced this and how did you overcome it?

[Livingtothefull]

I want to do simple things to improve my life: work on some personal and vocational plans that I have wanted to do for a long time, write a book, improve my health etc. But I am finding it impossible to do....a few weeks trying to change my lifestyle and I am somehow back to square one.

I think I am motivated; but evidently not motivated enough just to do what is needed. It is as though there is a force anchoring me to the status quo, determined that those changes won't happen. Just simple things like drinking more water for God's sake. Why do I find it so impossible to do? What is the missing piece?

Has anyone else encountered this and managed to overcome it? Please let me know what worked for you.

You can't change your whole life at once. Read this book and start by drinking a glass of water before you brush your teeth each morning.

https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits

I was literally about to recommend this book!

I could have wrote this post.. ❤️

I try to think of the person I want to be and think ... what do I have to do TODAY to get closer to that person. E.g. I really can't be bothered to get a glass of water but I will make myself do it as otherwise I won't be 'that person' in the future.

It's more about building habits and to build habits you have to consciously make yourself do things until it becomes something you do unconsciously

Picture what you want and works towards it.

Start with the little things that annoy you and that are doable now. Go for a walk, without your phone, concentrating on the steps you take and letting your head wander and think.

Some of your plans such as writing a book or work projects require a lot of time and change in your daily routine, other such as lifestyle, will be a matter of swaps or natural change.

It can be as simple as not buying the snacks once the ones in the house are finished, swap that glass of wine whilst you cook with a glass of water.

You can, you just need to focus.

Motivation only lasts for a short time. You have to develop the habits that will bring about the changes you want and that takes time. Tackle one thing at a time. I would work ok your health first as that will help you towards your other goals. Do you need to improve your diet, lose weight or exercise more? Make small but non negotiable changes. For example, you always hit a certain number of steps a day. Once the changes become habits, move onto the next thing.

It’s concentration and longevity of motivation needed for me 😩

Thanks for the book 📖 recommendation.

Thank you all. That is really helpful & I have ordered the book.

I just find it mystifying why it is so so difficult to make simple changes (like just drinking more water - how much motivation are we talking about to just pour a glass of water and gulp it down??); it feels as if a part of my subconscious is actively working against me to keep me where I am. So something unfathomable is going on.

I have plenty of willpower when it comes to doing my job, or caring for my DC; I regularly do things I don't want to do in the moment, in relation to those responsibilities. So why do I find it so difficult when doing what I set out to do, in relation to myself?

I know exactly how you feel OP. I have found Mel Robbins helpful but not great at listening to podcasts for too long.

ironically, I think spending too much time online is an issue....yes, I just typed that here.

I think it all sounds way too overwhelming.

I reckon it's about breaking it down into tiny parts. Just start with the water, nothing else, just have 3 times a day when you drink a glass. Do that for 4 weeks. Then when it's a habit you'll not need to even think about it and you can add the next goal.

Stuff like writing a book sounds massive, I think it's the same strategy. Work on a chapter outline each day for 30 mins (or whatever) and that's it. No stress. When it's eventually done, make another goal, e.g., same 30 mins, but working on chapter 1. Same for chapter 2. Etc.

After 4 weeks of that being a habit, add a health goal, something tiny. Like 10 mins of stretching before bed. It all makes a difference.

Reading your second post makes me wonder if you were brought up to put other peoples needs before your own.

Reading atomic habits is a great start! My number one habit is to set me alarm on my phone and put it on the other side of the room. That way I read in bed, and have to get up early. That one thing sets me up for the day.
You CAN change, I've completely turned my life around in the last ten years, it is completely possible.

Read the op and was about to suggest this!!! Awesome book.

I also heard someone say 'I need to get my human a drink of water' - referring to their body as 'their human', kind of like a pet. Maybe this mindset will help if you find it easier caring for others?

I agree with those who have posted saying to start small, a little at a time. It sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself and I think you need to give yourself a break. I know with myself if something is feeling like a chore and I don't enjoy it I'm just going to give up - I'm also someone who lacks motivation! Even a 10 minute walk around the block, then in 2 weeks time make it a 15 minute walk, then 20 minutes etc. It sounds like it isn't much but can really help clear the mind aswell as getting some steps in 🙂

Someone just private messaged me to correct my english in my first response to this. I wrote 'wrote' instead of 'written' and they've suggested I start taking control of my life by polishing my english. Well, I'd rather not have control of my life than be an a* like you @*FelicityFlops :)

You need to find working methods for you personally. Some people thrive off a deadline, some people need a block of time or lack of distractions. only you know what will work best for you.

Im similar OP and while i still fail on some things, jogging being the main one. I have had a perspective shift in some areas that have been really important. One thing was having children which massively reduced my free time. Suddenly this time was incredibly precious and it suddenly felt like a big waste to use it watching rug cleaning on you tube (highly recommend if stressed). So that as driven be to be more productive and creative.

You almost need to trick yourself into doing things. Things that have worked for me for long term project-

Telling myself 'i'm only going to do 10 minutes a day'. Often once you have started it is harder to stop.

A deadline/time frame. 'Im going to do an hour everyday for a month' make a chart that you cross out or use a calendar.

I hit 30 and realised the competent, skilled adult i imagined i was supposed to become, wasn't materialising and if it hadn't by 30 then.... that was motivating. Im now writing a novel about 40,000 words so far. Learned a new piece of software that i now use in my new limited company to make a decent part time income. This only happened in the last 3 years or so.

Thank you for this, this has really struck a chord with me.

I've heard this helps as well

Treat yourself like you do your child OP. So if you knew it was a hot day, and you thought your child needed a drink of water, especially if they were a young child, you would get them a drink of water wouldn't you? You wouldn't even need motivation because you love them and don't want them to be dehydrated.

Love yourself like you love your child and treat yourself like a child that you want nothing but the best for.

Fuck her. I'd rather someone was a nice person with terrible grammar than a snobby pedant who is nasty to people

Especially snobby pedants who don't even have the balls to do it in front of other people

I agree with PP - it sounds as though part of the reason for losing motivation is that you don't see yourself as important enough to make the effort for.

That's why the "my human" idea is such a good one - you have Taken Responsibility, like we're continually banging on about re kids and pets, and you have to see it through.

Unfortunately OP, I'd expect 95% of people are like you (and me). Purposely changing life habits is tough!

OP, I have never liked drinking water. Would put up with a dry throat and chapped lips because of my dislike of the stuff.
Caught sight of my saggy, crepey neck a few weeks ago and my vanity kicked in!
Even a day or two after chugging several glasses, the improvement was startling. My morning crusty eyes are gone too.

Yes, my first thought was to recommend either Atomic Habits or Tiny Habits. If that's too much, find one of the authors on a podcast or YouTube video talking about their books.

This is sooooo me