1DC aged 8, Y4. ExH sees them for 1 night a month.
They’re always making compromises because ExH won’t see them outside of their contact, they often have no-one in the crowd at Sports Day or Concerts, because I cannot do it all – I can’t afford to take unpaid leave and have to use my annual leave carefully as I only get around 20 days once bank holidays are taken off. They also spend a lot of their life in childcare. They also have SN and a medical condition, but I can’t afford to not work as we can’t get DLA, I’ve applied several times and been rejected every time, I’ve taken it to mandatory reconsideration and tribunal and been refused.
One night a week they were doing an activity. I’d cleared it with another parent that they did drop offs and I do pick ups of both children. DC loves it, says it’s the one place they feel themselves and they belong. They have adjustments but nothing as major as school and things that can be excused away or given to everyone there – it’s Scouts/Girlguides/St Johns Ambulance/Other Badge/Achievement type club. They started at the youngest age they could and are now in the second section. They literally live and breathe this activity, they have 1-1 TA for 10 hours a week and I'm told it's literally one of the few times their face lights up when they mention this activity.
The other child is moving house far enough to join a new group and school. And there’s no other way I can get DC there. I can’t finish work in time to take them, my parents won’t help with childcare regularly as they don’t want to be tied down (even the offer of a set amount each week to cover their costs and that I didn’t mind them having holidays and DC having to miss it occasionally didn’t change their minds) and my siblings live too far to help.
I’ve asked other parents in the group but no-one wants to commit understandably. I asked round the parents from other groups but they’re either doing lift shares already or they can only commit to taking their own children due to space in the car or feeling they can’t cope with DCs SN. The leaders have tried to think of everything including finding a group on a night I could do but I work full time and there’s no weekend groups, even school have tried to find a solution with after school club changing/feeding/etc. DC but we just can’t make it work. I ask for flexible working just for that 1 night a week and even said in school holidays I’d work the hours I do currently but it was refused.
It’s the only out of school DC does and I’m going to have to tell them tomorrow that they have to stop going. It’s going to break them, and I am seriously worried how it will affect them so much so that the SENCo from school has asked me to tell DC with them present. My DC finds everything so hard at school, they had 2 hours a week to look forward to being "normal" and not defined by their conditions and now it's all going.
I am ranting. But I just hate that because of this DC misses out again and I feel horrendously guilty. I see other single parents with help and I get none, I can’t even ask my parents to babysit for a few hours one night so I can go out because they don’t want to, which is fine DC is my child but I hate it.