H and I have been living apart since January. We're not legally separated. I thought that having our own space might actually help us reconnect after a few shitty years. H told me in lockdown that he didn't have feelings for me anymore. I thought maybe it was just a reaction to the stressful situation of the pandemic (we've been married 30 years). It seems it was genuine as he's made no effort to spend time with me since we got our own flats. At this point, I'm just waiting for him to file for divorce. I'm not doing it myself only because I think he should take the initiative and I don't want to be pushed into being the bad guy.
So, that's the background. We have a DS (20) and a DD (17). H has made an effort to see and spend time with them, which has been a benefit of us living apart. At least at first. H has no mates and he's been putting a lot of pressure on the DCs to spend time with him. DS has a job and a relationship, so DD has received the most pressure. We've talked about setting boundaries, but it's definitely a strain on her. H texts and rings her often.
I asked H if there was anything he wanted to do for Father's Day. He sent me a list of gift ideas and said he'd like for all of us to go SUP boarding on the coast and then lunch. Sounds nice in theory but DD and I have no interest in watersports at all. DS agreed to it. I decided that I would sit on the beach with a book while they swam. DD started feeling stressed and anxious about the day. She said it was too much to ask and it was just pretending everything was OK when it wasn't. (I do agree with that.) It is a very out of character thing for our family to do. We're generally pretty low key. On beach holidays, H might kayak or something but the kids and I usually wouldn't.
So this morning I rang H and said that DD wouldn't come to the beach but we could all do breakfast together or something like that. He was immediately pissy saying that it shouldn't be too much to ask, especially on Father's Day and said to just cancel the whole day out.
My questions is, should I be making DD go along with it? Should I be putting H's feelings first on Father's Day? Or is he in the wrong for expecting us to pretend like everything is OK?