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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to send my daughter back to until bullying is dealt with?

22 replies

JoanneH12 · 12/06/2023 22:09

My daughter (12) has been off school since the beginning of April as she had major orthopaedic surgery (both femus were broken and reset with metal rods). She is due to go back to school very soon, we are just waiting for her official return date.

Earlier today she went to meet friends at the end of the school day. She was waiting in the leisure centre which is attached to the school for her friends to finish and went to the toilet. She was cornered by a group of 4 girls in the bathrooms, they threatened to beat her up and refused to let her leave by blocking the door. They then made her repeat after them before they would let her leave. It was all recorded and they have posted it all over social media - I have the videos.

My daughter came home crying her eyes out and extremely anxious. I rang school and spoke to the pastoral leader for her year group who said she would investigate, however from previous dealings with the school (regarding my eldest child) I really don't feel like anything will be done. DD is now extremely anxious about returning to school and I don't know what to do for the best.

Any advice would be welcome.

OP posts:
GodSaveTheClean · 12/06/2023 22:13

Just curious but have you posted about this on a local FB site today?

Original poster
JoanneH12 · 12/06/2023 22:16

No, this is the first time I've posted about it.

OP posts:
pinkginfizz9 · 12/06/2023 22:17

i dont really understand. What did she repeat?

Original poster
JoanneH12 · 12/06/2023 22:19

They had her repeat things along the lines of 'yes Queen Kadie', 'sorry Queen Kadie', 'please let me leave Queen Kadie' whilst they all laughed and recorded her.

OP posts:
Newuser82 · 12/06/2023 22:19

Your poor daughter. Did she know these girls?

I'd certainly keep her off until it's been dealt with!

BHRK · 12/06/2023 22:20

I would follow up with the pastoral lead and ensure it is fully investigated. Keep the videos. I wouldn’t keep your daughter off though. Reassure her that you and the schooL will Deal with it. Keep on at the school

Houseplantmad · 12/06/2023 22:21

Your poor DD - what horrible girls.
Call the police and make a complaint. This, alongside school, may send the message she won’t be messed with.

Emeraldrings · 12/06/2023 22:23

I can totally understand why you're worried. Wait and see what the pastoral lead says after she investigates. Don't send her back until you are happy with her response.
It's difficult to know if they actually will bully your DD unless she returns to school but make sure the school have strong policies in place first.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 12/06/2023 22:25

Awful.

So sorry for your DD

When they consult with you say you expect suspension at the very least in your most taking no shit voice

AP5Diva · 12/06/2023 22:28

I’d be looking for a new school. That is serious bullying.

You need to report the video and posting to SM to the police as that is a criminal offence. They won’t arrest the girls, but they will log a report and speak with the girls parents.

Original poster
JoanneH12 · 12/06/2023 22:30

Thank you for the replies.

I'm concerned for both her mental and physical health on returning to school. She has emotional difficulties and anxiety already and this hasn't helped at all. On top of that her femurs are 50% healed based on her most recent xray - she is not allowed to run, jump, do sports of any kind and was told repeatedly 'do NOT fall over'. She will be leaving lessons early to avoid the hallway rush. What if they corner her again and this time they do physically assault her? I may be overreacting but I'm very concerned.

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 12/06/2023 22:35

If she is actually physically assaulted it is without doubt a police matter. Don't even sweat about what you do

entangledconker · 12/06/2023 22:35

My kids school would be all over this. Such nasty bullying behaviour. Is there anything set in place for when she goes in at the beginning of the day? Do you have meetings lined up with HOY and/or HT.
I do think this may also be a police matter. But perhaps speak to the school first thing tomorrow with your daughter and if they don't act fast with severe consequences for those girls then speak to the police.
Your poor daughter x

Jwhb · 12/06/2023 22:36

I would definitely allow her to have tomorrow off, unless she actively wants to go to school. That's a horrible thing to experience.

Take screenshots/copies of the videos now, in case they are deleted later.

Ask for an urgent meeting and mention peer-on-peer abuse and use the meeting to ask how your daughter will be safeguarded going forward, given she was not on this occasion.

Unless there have been other instances with these girls, it doesn't sound like bullying, but a single nasty incidence of abuse. I hope that it stays that way.

Sending positive thoughts your way.

AP5Diva · 12/06/2023 22:46

JoanneH12 · 12/06/2023 22:30

Thank you for the replies.

I'm concerned for both her mental and physical health on returning to school. She has emotional difficulties and anxiety already and this hasn't helped at all. On top of that her femurs are 50% healed based on her most recent xray - she is not allowed to run, jump, do sports of any kind and was told repeatedly 'do NOT fall over'. She will be leaving lessons early to avoid the hallway rush. What if they corner her again and this time they do physically assault her? I may be overreacting but I'm very concerned.

YANBU and the school need to make alternate provision for her education. Make sure you get a word in with the SENCO. Work can be sent home for her to do. Some schools still allow students to join classes by zoom from home.

BeeStrudel · 13/06/2023 09:29

Put your concerns in writing to the head, copying in the school governors. Refer to their own bullying guidelines and use them back at the school. Cite that she is not psych-safe at school (if that is the case - which it sounds like). Agree a potential return timetable with them but get alternative schooling on place (remote learning etc and a full copy of the curriculum for each subject). Do not allow a pupil to pupil mediation - they make the bully have more power and make it too obvious who's complaining about them. Most importantly, you are not on the school's side, you are your daughter's protector so make sure she knows that you will protect her no matter what. The schools do not know everything, they have to try to keep a massive cohort under control and are generally out of their depth with other issues.

5inabed · 13/06/2023 10:16

You are not over reacting. You have proof of online bullying. If the school refuse to act or do not act appropriately go to the local authority.

Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 13/06/2023 13:49

Please don’t send her back x

Concernedparent0101 · 13/09/2024 10:20

Change schools ! Teachers never ever do anything and the bullying will get worse! Please change schools!

CreateUserNames · 13/09/2024 10:24

JoanneH12 · 12/06/2023 22:30

Thank you for the replies.

I'm concerned for both her mental and physical health on returning to school. She has emotional difficulties and anxiety already and this hasn't helped at all. On top of that her femurs are 50% healed based on her most recent xray - she is not allowed to run, jump, do sports of any kind and was told repeatedly 'do NOT fall over'. She will be leaving lessons early to avoid the hallway rush. What if they corner her again and this time they do physically assault her? I may be overreacting but I'm very concerned.

I wouldn’t send her either. I would also change school immediately.

ChunkyPanda · 13/09/2024 10:25

Tbf to the school, this only happened at the end of the school day yesterday, so those girls had probably left school by the time it was reported. So the question is , what actions have the school taken today?

Then you can judge whether their response has been sufficient.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 13/09/2024 10:47

This is a thread from over a year ago, it has not just happened

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