Messed up DP's birthday - AIBU to cancel plans?

[bedlady]

DP has a significant birthday coming up. I asked him outright what he’d liked to do, and we are doing that for his actual birthday. So far so good.

BUT as it is a significant birthday the following day I have invited his family up for a surprise lunch (mum, dad, siblings). It’s a 3 hour drive for them all to come up to us.

Thought DP would like that, as it’s small special meal i.e. not all his/our friends too.

The problem is DP (who doesn’t know anything about this surprise dinner plan) has separately said he would HATE something like that, and has specified “please no surprises, even with my family etc. etc.”

Why oh why did I not think to run the hypothetical past him before setting this all up I do not know 🤦🏼‍♀️

AIBU to cancel the surprise lunch (how can I do this without offending his whole family)?

Or will it actually all be ok?

I absolutely hate surprises so I would tell him and then see if he wants you to cancel or not.

I mean, adult birthdays are most definitely a "thing" for a lot of people 😂

Tell him what you’ve done and then think of a plan together in how to cancel his family if he doesn’t fancy it.

I think you could say

' you know how you didn't want a surprise. I was thinking of organizing one and had started to put feelers out, it's seemed that most people were free and keen. I totally hear what you said the other day about not wanting this, so now would you prefer me to go ahead with (restaurant and day and people to be invited) or just abandon the plan?

Then he can choose

Cancel. He's pre warned you that he doesn't want any surprises you you need to cancel. Tell his family and friends the truth, I wouldn't make anything up - little lies tend to bite you back.

I'd cancel and tell them the truth. They might even be relieved. Tell him before you do just in case it comes out later or in case he's OK with it if it was just the surprise element he didn't like.

Cancel it. What were you thinking? Why did you think he like your plans? I wouldn't like this. My friends n family would know this. I don't have a spouse but Iif l did, l'd be put out if they did this.

Just run it past him as an idea, if he hates it, cancel. (which is pretty much what everyone said I think)

Tell him what's planned. If he is upset then cancel. He might be pleased if he knows about it if it's just he doesn't like surprises. If you tell him and it actually turns out he doesn't like his family then you can cancel.