With how I spoke to DD

[TryAgainAnotherDay]

Name change for this as I am so ashamed of myself.

I've had a really stressful couple of months due to circumstances (it's no excuse) and currently trying to potty train DD2. Normally if she has an accident I just tell her never mind and will will try again next time.

Today we had to head into town, I was hot and stressed, the shops didn't seem to have any of the things I had gone for and basically just had enough. Took DD to the toilet and she didn't go, as soon as I took her off and she pulled her pants up she had an accident. I got really frustrated with her and told her off, she became really upset, then wouldnt let her have a balloon because she had an accident. I was also frustrated with myself because I had left the change of clothing in the car, so I had to rush back to the car with her wet.

I felt bad in the car for telling her off, plus feeling so stressed and had a cry. DD saw this and asked me what the matter was. I just told her I had fine and had something in my eye.

Later this afternoon she took herself to the toilet, had a poo and wiped her own bottom, first time she has done this and I told her how proud i was, gave her a missive cuddle and loads of praise. She cuddled me and said I made mummy happy now. It crushed me, I felt awful and still do now, everyone I think about it all I just want to cry.

Ive apologiesed to her and told her she always makes mummy happy even if mummy is feeling sad, or cross, not sure how much she understands as she is only 2 (nearly 3). How do I overcome this and make sure it never happens again?

If you meet the parent who has never had a less than stellar interaction with their kids...

You’re just going to have to give yourself a break and make sure you give her loads of positive reinforcement from now on.

Having a two-year old is hard. Potty training is challenging. Your DD is ok and this would only be an issue if it was happening regularly, which it isn’t.

Absolutely give yourself a break. New day tomorrow.

Rupture and repair. Ruptures happen all the time; the repair is the important thing and by apologising and explaining, you're doing that. The damage is when there's rupture and no repair, so as long asyou recognise when you've been too harsh and apologise then it's fine. We all have days like this! I had to apologise for snapping at DD(4) the other day because she was innocently asking me stuff when I was mid working out something tricky. It was very unreasonable of me, but I told her that and we had a cuddle and all was fine.

Stop beating yourself up.
She’ll not hold it against you and for her age she actually seems very mature.
Work with the positive outcome she achieved and very soon it’ll just be an insignificant memory.

Nobody gives us a book when we have a baby which tells us how to be a parent. You’re doing ok and your little girl sounds adorable.
Well done Mama.

Just try not to make the same mistake twice.
Every parent will have a similar tale. Something they’re not proud of. Your Dd will not remember this. And I doubt you will respond this way again.
She sounds like she made a big leap forward today. Try and celebrate it instead.

Uh…. It worked. She was sitting on the toilet, refused to go and then wet herself as soon as she got off the toilet. She got told off and saw that it really isn’t OK to do that and then she used the toilet properly.

It isn’t perfect. You really don’t want to talk to her like that again or lose your temper when they’re so young, but it really isn’t the end of the world. It won’t damage her. Give yourself a break. Also, it worked.

Awwwww potty training is so stressful! Just start a new day. We’ve all been there.

She won't remember this. It will be ok.

Don’t beat yourself up. The only thing I would change is that I wouldn’t lie about “something in my eye”. I would have said “I feel really bad because I told you off because I was crabby and I’d forgotten your spare clothes. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lost my patience and I know it’s really hard stuff you are learning.”

She knows it was her and she felt bad about it. I always try to be honest about my fuck ups and own them. A bit of honesty is a good thing imo.

anyway well done! Parenting on these hot days is a nightmare.

Thank you. I think it was the mummy I made you happy comment that really got to me. I felt awful. Who would of thought such a little person could cause such overwhelming feelings of guilt.

We've all lost our cool with our kid(s) at some point. Almost certainly more than once.
(Mine is 8 and I have definitely done so more than once, as much as I really try, and mostly succeed, at being patient.)

My only comment would be that when she asked you why you were upset, next time tell her the truth. You're sorry you got angry/cross/annoyed, however you want to word it, with her and that it wasn't her fault.

That's what I've done in the past anyway. I think it demonstrates healthy behaviour apologising and explaining why something happened.

My son was older than that when he would only poo in a nappy whilst standing in the wardrobe! There was definitely an element of parental frustration at times.. 🙄 Give yourself a break, you're doing great!

We've all been there. But when I have lost my cool, I always make sure I apologise. I feel it's important for my child to see mummy has emotions too but I'm sorry for what I said.

I do agree with PPs; it was a tough day & you didn't handle it well, but it's fine!

However this part then wouldnt let her have a balloon because she had an accident. is both mean & unfair. You shouldn't punish a toddler who has had a toilet training accident. I'd be (and have been!) explicit about what I've done wrong, even when they are as little as 2.

1000% give yourself a break. Potty training is HARD. Kids are HARD. We all have off days. Kids don’t try to make you feel guilty but they can sometimes, you’re doing an amazing job xx

Oh God 😂 kids certainly don't come with an instruction manual do they!!

OO with the benefit and distance if many years since.mine were potty training...it worked, so that's great! It's so sensitive and emotional when you're in the moment, but with older kids I look at this and think, she was likely capable of doing this, and when she got told off, she did it, because she was able to. Sometimes being a bit firm does work even if it doesn't feel great at the time.

You're doing really great as well, you should feel good about everything you're doing - potty training is bloody hard!!

I think you've done the right thing by apologizing so I wouldn't worry

To be far it seems to haev had a positive result!

You're obviously aware that you handled the situation badly and there's nothing you can do about it now. It happened. It won't traumatise her, she won't remember it. It was a one off. Please don't beat yourself up.

You did the absolute best thing, which is talking about what happened. Children learn that we all have big feelings, and it's how we deal with them that matters. Wiping herself is a huge thing on its own not even considering what happened earlier that day! She sounds like a really independent child. Good for her and for you! Don't beat yourself up over one mistake, we can't all be perfect every day.

We’ve all had moments like this. Don’t worry. Fresh start tomorrow. Totally get it though mum guilt is the worst!

Was it a wee accident? A lot of adults have wee shyness let alone small children - if she weed directly after taking her off the toilet that may mean she needs more time to sit! Maybe some privacy, maybe a distraction - either way she obviously needed to go. Don't make it a big thing. The bigger it gets the less they want to go. In public as well - it's a huge thing. Potty training is such a challenging time and some children find it much harder than others.