Passed by for promotion - again

[VinoVeritas1]

I’m so hacked off. I have noticed, since having children I’ve consistently been overlooked for promotion in my company, and the candidates who have secured the positions over me are younger, without kids. I’m 40, with two kids aged 9 &. 5. I’m always told the same thing in feedback - I’m more than capable & very skilled but, for whatever reason I don’t get through the interview stage. I’ve just been told from one interviewer that on paper I look great, my presentation w as fantastic and contained most of the answers anyway. But I narrowly missed getting the job. Surprise surprise - it’s gone to someone 10 yes younger, no kids, no experience in the field.

AIBU here? It’s just that before children I nearly always got the job. And I have noticed a bit of a pattern going on since. I’ve also only gone for internal jobs since having kids - so they know my personal circumstances. I am sick and tired of being told they don’t want to lose me, I’m very skilled, they like my motivation etc etc but repeatedly not getting the job. Frustratingly I always get through to interview stage.

Anyone else found this since being a mum? Is it time to apply outside the organisation perhaps? I hate to sound like a bitter old bag but the people they employ don’t have as much experience in the field as I do - they are also usually internal candidates moving across teams. I’m taking a training course to become qualified this year so I’m wondering whether it is time to cut my losses once I’m qualified and look elsewhere

It might be that, or it might be something else. It might be that each time something has come up the other person has genuinely been the stronger candidate. I had multiple promotions in a previous role and I had 2 kids of a similar age to yours.

sorry to hear this, but can I ask if you have a lot of time off for sick children, appointments, childcare issues in the summer holidays etc?
Depending on the role etc would it be difficult to arrange cover short notice etc. would overtime be required at short notice?
I ask these questions sympathetically as I’m a single mum working full time (no help from child’s father) but I also work in a small very busy company so see both sides of the story.

It goes without saying that you will be contending with ageism and sexism. If they interview you it ticks all the boxes that they have ‘given you a chance’ as an ‘older’ woman

I get the frustration. I work in a highly male dominated industry. I know I just get interviews so they can tick the diversity box. It sucks

Frankly it is part of the reason indeed that your age and impression that you have family with kids(potentially young). Do you work in the city, for a big and medium firm. For big and medium firm, interviewer who has never met you might not knowing your circumstances(that you have young kids). I was passed a promotion by a younger colleague when I was more qualified and experienced and OIC for the role for 6 months and I knew main reason was because I just came back from my mat leave and the boss thought I might not be able to handle it on permanent basis. I left the role for another promotion 6 months later(different department). Later on I learnt that the other colleague went for maternity leave 1.5 years later and never came back. So hiring 30s vs 40s might not be because of the kids because you might be more flexible than someone who havent had kids but soon is going to. Bosses who have children should know that.

sorry to hear this, but can I ask if you have a lot of time off for sick children, appointments, childcare issues in the summer holidays etc?

Oh do fuck off. Do you ask this of dads? Anyone who has children- about 70% of population - has these things happen occasionally. It does NOT mean you don’t deserve a promotion. I despair if single mums don’t get this one.

op - yes. Since having my child/ hitting 40 I have been passed over in favour of younger candidates repeatedly, despite being told (in writing) I am more than ready for promotion. At the same time the company bangs on about ‘motherhood penalty’ and equal rights for mothers.

The same has happened to me. I was there 16 years. No senior leaders have two young children. Two of them have one young child, with stay at home partners. I have two children and a husband who works anti-social hours, meaning I quite often have to leave work by a certain time, rather than staying for late meetings. They obviously know all this. The reasons they gave me for not getting the job were not a big deal. I know fine we’ll it’s because they don’t think I would have the time or energy to commit to it

I think they were relevant questions I asked to be fair. For anyone being reviewed for promotion their attendance/reliability would be looked into. I’m not suggesting at all that it’s the reason OP wasn’t given the promotion, hence asking other questions on size of company/role etc. like I said, I’m a single working mum in fully male dominated business. I’m clearly not being sexist, I was asking if she had history of time off on regular occasions.

@Boomer84 you are absolutely being sexist and if you don’t think you are….educate yourself. Being a woman and a single mother doesn't mean you ‘obviously’ are not so. The world wouldn’t be governed by patriarchal rules like you’re spouting, unless it were for compliant women like you

It could be that. Or it could he something else. Who knows.

Theres a guy at my job with no children but gets overlooked for every single job. They give him good feedback just like yours but someone else always gets the job..🤷‍♀️

Plenary of jobs out there companies are crying out for staff. Move this year and make more money then jump again in 18 months 2 years.

Now is the time!

Definitely time to cut your losses and leave OP