To use these heads as outdoor ornaments

[ItsCalledAConversation]

Feels wrong to me but MIL is convinced it’s ok and seems a bit affronted that we haven’t put them out yet.

For context DH and I are white British, so is MIL, no African heritage afaik in any part of our family, but MIL and FIL lived in an African country for a decade from late 1970s to 80s.

Last year MIL gave us two massive (18 inch high) solid granite/soapstone African male heads. They’re meant to be ornamental - if you like that sort of thing. Statues I suppose, if you imagine a marble bust, but a rough-hewn African version. She had them indoors either side of her dining room fireplace. She’s now given them (ie dumped them unceremoniously) at our house, having them out doesn’t seem right to me and I wouldn’t want to make money by selling them. I don’t know what to do with them really, so they’ve been in the garage.

Now she’s just been round and asked where they are. Why don’t we put them out in the garden as decorative sculptures, she says. They have a certain sentimental value to her and she doesn’t understand why we’re “being funny” about putting them out on display.

Im right, aren’t I? That as a white family this would be weird and wrong? Or am I being a weird woke snowflake and ungrateful gift recipient?

YABU - put the African heads out in the garden and grow plants around them, no big deal and MIL will be happy.
YANBU - this is batshit of MIL, and total colonialist bullshit.

Dear God they're awful! If she cares so much about them why has she dumped them on you?? Just say no thanks?!

I feel like I've seen similar in TK Maxx recently. So they can't be that problematic.

I think you're over-thinking.

Not to my taste and I would also feel a bit weird having them in my garden.

It’s such a classic MIL move to dump bits and want them on view 🤣

I suppose context is that there is a history of white people using sculptures etc of black bodies in icky ways - I remember seeing ashtrays shaped to look like a black slave was holding them. So caution is reasonable. Also, the less you know about a culture or set of cultures the easier it is to overstep the mark - it didn't occur to me that wearing feather headresses was disrespectful until someone pointed it out. Having said that, those statues don't strike me as a problem.

@ItsCalledAConversation

tgen why not put them in your back garden?

However,if you didn't like them or want to put the out, I'd simply say to MIL if you like them that much I'll get DH to bring them back to you, but next time think before passing things on to people who didn't ask for them, if we'd been more organised we'd have disposed of them by now. One if the joys of being adults & having your own home is to choose what is displayed isn't it!

next time she's off loading, only accept things you actually wantb

How ridiculous! Lots of people have Buddhas, Easter Island statues etc etc, I have stuff in the house we've bought all round the world, shall I get rid of it to protect delicate sensibilities? I bet this wouldn't be considered a problem in any other country, too many people think that only the UK has a colonial past!

If you don't like them and feel uncomfortable about them, fgs stand up for yourself and your tastes and say to MIL something like:

Sorry, MIL, I didn't ask for these and I don't really want them in my garden (or anywhere), they are not to my taste - if they're sentimental to you, or you want them on display, please take them back to your own home. Otherwise, if you don't want them anymore, I will sell them on/donate them.

And stick to your guns.

I think they are beautiful. They represent part of your DH's family's history as his parents spent time in Africa.
If you do not like them, offer them back. I don't see an issue.

I don't think they're necessarily wrong but I wouldn't want them in my house. I just don't like them. I'm not a fan of Buddha statues or Egyptian stuff etc either.

Just tell her you don't like them and to put them in her own garden!

What sort of house and garden do you have op? Would they suit the garden?

I had to Google the mirror! No I wouldn’t with the mirror but I’m not sure about Buddha statues either. I think it’s something to do with statues/ busts. If it was African textiles or crafts I wouldn’t think twice.

Point taken about Buddhas etc but these just seem different somehow. They’re not a god image or a decorative icon for contemplation like that, they look like they could be based on actual men! Points about Greek sculptures…I find those replicas quite tacky problematic too, I’m firmly in the “send the contents of the British Museum back” camp…
No I think if we put them out they’re going to look quite random…we don’t have much by way of arty/travellery clutter. A few quite modern wall art, mirrors etc. the garden is basically a football pitch and a veg bed.
MIL will be mystified we don’t like them and won’t want them back, it’ll give her the hump if we try and she’d be mortally offended if we gave them away.

I don't think non Buddhists should have buddahs