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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really pissed off with DP's general incompetence and fuckwittery

25 replies

lucyellensmum · 21/02/2008 17:35

I am really angry with DP. He is setting up his own building business and it is really stressfull and really hard work, i do the admin for him,which involves fielding emails and phone calls.

He received an email today from a pissed off client, who is expecting him to do some work for him. To be fair, the client is being a tad unreasonable as the work would have been ready to go three weeks ago but they couldn't have it done because they had people coming to stay, but now the client is wanting it done NOW. Fair enough, but DP had to take on some work in the mean time and it has over run. The trouble is, DP is avoiding phone calls and he does this all the bloody time.

I personally think he should have got the clients things ready (dont want to give too much away, i think his neighbour mumsnets) to go and then he could have given them an exact date, but against my advice he started this other job.

So now I am getting sarcastic emails from the client because he isnt answering his mobile phone.

This is not the first time this has happened, he is very good at what he does, but the trouble is, he just cannot organise his time. Ive tried to sort this for him but he just pays no attention then if i remind him about things, he says i am nagging.

So now, im pissed off and worried about there being an almighty row tonight because he is pissed off about the client, and i bloody well knew this would happen.

This business is making NO money, in fact we are losing money hand over fist and its putting so much strain on us as a couple.

I've had enough - he needs to sort himself out, i want to help with the business but i dont want to be involved with something that is not being run properly. I mean, if he cannot bloody well answer his phone when he knows he is being chased up, he really needs to consider if this sort of thing is right for him.

I know i should just let this be his stress and butt out and stop nagging, but it becomes my stress when he is moody and irritable and i feel like i have to walk on fucking egg shells in case it all kicks off.

Sorry, i know IABU but i needed to vent

OP posts:
NickiSue · 21/02/2008 17:37

Absolutely no advice but loads of sympathy! How frustrating that must be. I hope he comes to his senses.

RubySlippers · 21/02/2008 17:38

i don't think YABU

if he is trying to set up his own business then he needs good word of mouth and one or two pissed off clients can cause a lot of lost business

if he can't do it/manage his time etc then he should go back to being an employee

Lulumama · 21/02/2008 17:40

if he bites the bullet and calls the angry client and grovels, then he has a chance to turn it around. agree with ruby that word of mouth so important... if he wants you to help, he needs to take the help!

although slightly in his favour is the fact that a lot of builders are notoriously unreliable at turning up /answering the phone etc

redadmiral · 21/02/2008 17:45

He sounds like he'll fit in well in the building trade

It's not uncommon for people to start other jobs, especially if their current one is held up through no fault of their own. He does need to speak to the person and explain and set a new start date - there's nothing more maddening than calling someone that you know is ignoring you.

Can you ask him to at least call the guy without sounding critical, if you want to avoid a row?

redadmiral · 21/02/2008 17:46

Xposts. And I meant without you sounding critical, not him. (I know you told him so, but it won't help )

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 21/02/2008 17:47

that is the point lulu, i don't want him to be a typical unreliable, uncontactable builder. He has had a lot of money from this client, and has done a good job, but once again is fucking up because he put the rest of the job on the back burner as there were other things coming in. He is so scared of losing out on jobs that he just takes them on regardless of if he has the time.

The reason i am so angry is last summer was literally ruined because of a very similar situation that just dragged on and on. The trouble is, it was ME that had the client shouting at me down the phone, me who had to try and appease the guy, when actually i agreed with everything he was saying - i told him, NOT to let this happen again, i told him when he took on this other job that i didnt want this to turn into another XYZ - and guess what...... That particular client was sooo pissed off we had to give him a substantial discount and ended up losing money on the job, he was still pissed off despite DP doing an absolutely fantastic peice of bespoke joinery in his house that he must be very proud of, it was a reasonable price to. But all that was left was a sour taste in the mouth and the loss of a very good contact which would have inevitably lead to more work - all because he "has a phobia" about difficult phone calls.

FFS - i am just INCANDESCANT with rage at this moment in time. Fuming, hopping mad, upset, tearful, worried and fucking bloody angry

OP posts:
Original poster
lucyellensmum · 21/02/2008 17:49

i have been asking him to ring this guy for a week now - i knew that he had rung him once, but the guys email says that he has left several messages

OP posts:
Lulumama · 21/02/2008 17:51

maybe, you should be the point of contact and control the diary and DH has no phone contact with clients?

can totally undersatnd your frustration though

redadmiral · 21/02/2008 17:58

That sounds like a good idea. I don't mean to say you shouldn't be angry, but it seems like there's no point, especially if it didn't help last summer either. Some people are just like that. I also remember when DP's business was struggling I tended to blame him rather than support him because we were under such financial pressure.

clumsymum · 21/02/2008 18:05

lucyellensmum, I think you need to stop avoiding the row over this. It sounds to me like you have GOT TO shout this one out, and get him to ring this guy. But not tonight.

If I were you I would put his van keys to one side in the morning, and not let him go to his job until he has ruing this guy, or at the very least sat with you while you ring the client. In that instance you can act as interpreter, keeping your voice calm over the phone no matter how ratty either of the parties gets.

IMO it is not unreasonable for your dh to have started another job. It is unreasonable of him not to explain it to his client. But he is embarrassed or cross with himself that he has got into this situation, and like loads of blokes, he has no idea how to extracate himself.

I've been there, done that with dh (software developer, the clean indoors version of builder) and I know how frustrating it can be.
Believe me, if you work together, you can't avoid rowing about it now and then.

He needs

WallOfSilence · 21/02/2008 18:24

Hey lady.

Time to back off.

Tell dh it's his business.

let him run the show.

You be the admin lady in the office... let him deal with the mad men

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 21/02/2008 18:32

but WOS, that would be all fine and dandy if he wasnt to bring his stress HOME with him and then i have to deal with it! I have decided to get a job, he wont be able to rely on me, he will have to learn to put a letter together, create spreadsheets, do the accounts etc etc, else pay someone else to do it, cos ive had it

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holsobsessed · 21/02/2008 18:47

Lucyellensmum - you have my complete sympathy, I had an almost identical situation with my husband a self employed solicitor who has no idea of time management and who hates dealing with difficult clients and just avoids them. Also to avoid becoming his assistant (and a very undervalued one in that!) I decided to go back to work arguing at least it gives us one stable wage (and my sanity!). It is so frustrating isn't it, though but the issue is here is that you don't have any control but have all the stress which is an unfair situation. Others have advised to take some control (i.e become main contact person with the clients etc), or the alternative is to follow my example and flee the stress....

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 21/02/2008 19:11

OK so he has saved his bacon - JUST!! He phoned the client as i think he could tell i was fuming (can't imagine how he picked that up!!).

So a pleasant evening and maybe a little reward in store then??

Men are so easy to manage arent they

OP posts:
peacelily · 21/02/2008 19:34

Sorry LEM can't really give you any constructive advice apart from my totla sympathy, I too have to deal with daily stress around inability to organise and the whole f**king treading on eggshells bollox becuae they are stressed.

I really do beleive that some (most) men just aren't genetically programmed to deal with the stress and general wear and tear of life and become callous irritable, sometimes downright nasty types as a result.

I love my dh but his strss tolerance marker is mega low.

WallOfSilence · 21/02/2008 20:55

hey, how's it going?

I have been to MILs and she has been indulging me in muy fave thing. Drinking rose wine.

Divastrop · 21/02/2008 21:02

nothing to add but am loving 'fuckwittery'

WallOfSilence · 21/02/2008 21:05

LEM rocks!!

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 21/02/2008 21:44

I'd like to take the credit for that one Diva, but i plaigerised it off of another thread on here a few days ago

OP posts:
Original poster
lucyellensmum · 21/02/2008 21:46

he phoned him!!

OP posts:
Sarahjct · 21/02/2008 21:56

Also loving fuckwittery!

WallOfSilence · 21/02/2008 21:58

he phoned him...but you rock

Are you going for a hatrick tonight????

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 21/02/2008 22:07

Three times in one night??? I dont have the energy WOS - just one thing - your dissertation!!!!!!

OP posts:
WallOfSilence · 21/02/2008 22:20

Who do you think I am? I think you have me mixed up with a fruit?

I'm a fairy......

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 21/02/2008 22:22

oh!

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