Wear sunglasses to FIL cremation?

[toomanyleggings]

Dear FIL died suddenly. The whole family have taken it extremely hard including me. DH is devastated and I’ve been crying numerous times a day since. MIL only died three months ago and we were still reeling from that. At her cremation there were lots of people and I felt really self conscious on the front row blubbing. There will be even more people at FIL’s service. Can I wear sunglasses this time or will I look silly?

It's fine... sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss.

Outdoors, yes. Indoors, it would look a bit odd.

The reality is nobody judges or finds anything strange about a person crying at a funeral. Most people don't even notice.

Outdoors, yes. Not indoors. But nobody will be looking at you crying; and nobody will notice. It'd be more noticeable if you weren't crying, I'd expect. They'll all be focused on their own grief anyway.

I'm sorry for your loss.

It'll bé fine - it's the norm in France

My advice - do whatever makes you the most comfortable at this upsetting time. I'm so sorry for your loss.

it honestly doesn't matter whether you wear them inside or outside, the most important thing is you are there. Don't give it a second thought x

A funeral is a place for tears.

I’m so sorry for your loss, it must have come as such a shock.

No one will think anything of you crying, or wearing sunglasses. Do whatever you feel comfortable with.

I think people will understand why you are wearing them inside. Wear them if it makes you comfortable.

I am so sorry for your double loss. You can always say the glasses are those varifocal lenses that go dark in certain lights.
I lost my beloved grandmother 2 months ago. My mum and I who cared for her in her final 6 months (which the rest of the family did very little), ended up sitting on the front row but opposite side to the church to the rest (purely a space thing, we underestimated how much room we would need and discovered it as we walked in. We were the only two not crying - our grief at that point was so acute it was beyond tears. The lovely reverend who has kept in contact with me since said to me that we were one of the most haunting images of her career - we just looked broken and deleted, but no tears. She wanted to stop procedures and come and hug us.
Don't be ashamed of however your grief takes you. There is no rule book.

Take the sunglasses if it makes you feel better. It harms no one. You can always take them off if you want to later.

I've seen people wearing them at funerals, but you're likely to get tear splashes inside.

Put them on your head and hide behind them all you want. Everyone will know that you're crying and why you're wearing them.

Personally, I wouldn't wear them indoors, but the minute I got outside and was expected to start talking to others I'd have them on. I did at my MIL's funeral.

So sorry for your loss OP - he was clearly a wonderful and well loved man.

Honestly, sunglasses indoors will attract more attention than tears at a funeral.

Nothing wrong with being upset.

It is fine. Wear exactly what you want to.

I don't understand why anyone would think you would be unreasonable.

I’ve seen sunglasses worn inside at a funeral and it was not even a sunny day, it was Winter.It was a huge funeral, people lining the streets, speaker outside the cathedral sort of thing. I just presumed it provided the bereaved with a barrier and gave them a little bit of security Put them on, it’s not an issue.

I think the rule with funerals is that those more closely bereaved can wear whatever they want. I have seen people wear very formal wear, jeans and top, and sunglasses or veil.
Funerals can be tough enough anyway, they are not the time when anyone should be judging what you wear.

I took sunglasses into my Dad's funeral last month. Didn't need to wear them in the end, but they were there if I did. Do whatever feels right for you.

Sunglasses indoors just looks silly. People won't be caring that you are crying, it is perfectly normal at funerals.

This

It's fine. I borrowed my DH's sunglasses at his Mum's funeral recently and that was in a Church. I didn't want to set DH and his brother off crying whilst they were giving the eulogy and I already had tears in my eyes as the guests were talking to us beforehand. Noone said anything or gave me a funny look. Being seated in the front row means people will be even less likely to notice you're wearing them.

Even if someone were to make a comment, anyone who chooses to be judgmental at a funeral, especially of close relatives, is a dickhead of the highest order. Generally funerals seem to be much more relaxed these days in terms of dress code and music. I was surprised, we were allowed to take MIL's dog into the Church service.

Same happened to us FIL three months after MIL. We were devastated all round. I wore sunglasses and it was March.
Wear them. Sorry for your loss💐

Thank you everyone for your thoughts. I think I’ll take them with me and see how I get on.

So sorry for your loss

So sorry for your loss . Do whatever you need too to get through the day.