Asked my mother if she shouted at my son and caused warfair!

[playhousemusic]

I feel dreadful - my son expressed that my mother shouted at him and scared him the other night when they were staying over babysitting. On the phone she explained that he kept getting out of bed (he is only 3) and she couldn't let him run around all night (granted but we usually place him back in bed, say very little other than - it is your bedtime, back to bed etc.) - I wanted to check that they were ok, and didn't find babysitting too much - they assured me all was ok, and we chatted about something else.
However, 10 mins later I get a call from her, she is extrememly upset and asking me why I even needed to tell her this - this then turns into a whole night of calls and messages about how awful I am and ungrateful etc... Things really escallated!

TLDR - AIBU asking my mom if she shouted at my son after he expressed this to me and said he was scared.

I guess it depends how you put it? It might have sounded like an accusation. I don’t think I would have mentioned “shouting” I would probably have just asked if there were any problems.
Just explain you were trying to help and didn’t mean to accuse her of anything. Then explain how you normally deal with bedtime issues. Say sorry even if you shouldn’t need to, sometimes an apology can go a long way.

It can't be the first time she has done this - the flurry of calls and messages, the DARVO, the emotional blackmail and refusal to countenance criticism?

I would be very surprised if your son's version of events wasn't accurate, tbh.

Anyone who shouts at a 3 year old should be extremely upset - at their own behaviour.

It depends somewhat on the manner in which this was all said and done. She may have felt you were accusatory etc., though it still sounds as though she has overreacted a fair bit.

I'd have asked her about it for sure, in a "how did it go" kind of way, but I'd also have told three year old that they should have gone to bed nicely for Grandma and not kept getting up.

If your son was upset enough about it to tell you and say he was frightened by her shouting there is no way he would ever be going there overnight again.