To think a relationship with a man who has been emotionally abused for some years

[twnkle]

... but ended the relationship for good after several attempts ?

There is a possibility that I may go on a date with a man that I get in very well with. We click brilliantly, the attraction is there .
However his self esteem is in his boots.

Before anyone asks, I know this information to be factually correct so to set it out , there is no ambiguity in the truth of the situation .
Do we need to be healed fully before we can properly date again do you think?

Depends on how he is but have seen people come out of toxic relationships and unfortunately due to the dynamic within the previous relationship the 'innocent' party has developed some very toxic traits themselves.

So for me it would be a no until they have had counselling, and some distance and time to heal from their previous relationship and establish their own self of sense.

How soon after are you talking? I’m not sure fully healed is necessarily something that happens for everyone but if we’re talking only a few weeks or small amount of months then it’s likely to be too soon. I tried to jump into a relationship too soon and it just didn’t work and would have been better off waiting.

Thanks. Just a few weeks.
It's been over a good few times but this time it a definitely finished. The level of abuse was escalating and changing in nature .
And his children told him that they felt that the woman didn't want them around so that was that.

A few weeks?! No! Are you mad? He needs to sort himself out and discover himself, who is he outside of the abusive relationship? He doesn't know because he hasn't had chance to find out. Maybe when he's been single for a few months if he's properly rebuilt his self-esteem but I reckon it will take much longer if he's been abused. He'll probably need to go through counselling for a while first.

I tend to agree. Would it be an idea to meet now and again for lunch, coffee etc or just leave it be. I actually really like him as a person regardless of anything else .
He has been getting counselling through this relationship so I expect that he will continue that.

I wouldn't date any man with such serious baggage from a relationship with another woman that he needed to 'heal'. All I'd see would be the possibility of a future with all sorts of issues that could range from the challenging to potentially intimidating. I wouldn't know how the damage may manifest itself and whether there would be a possibility of emotional distancing, or even anger being directed at me. I don't want or need to take a risk like that. So while I'd be sympathetic to him, I'd not start a relationship with him.

Would you have a friendship?

Depends whether you are looking for a relationship or a project really

If there was a definite attraction on one or both sides, no I'd not have a friendship either. Largely because it can't be a proper one if either wants more. I think I'd be friendly but keeping my guard up.

A few weeks is no time at all. It took me 4 years to recover and feel ready to date again after leaving my abusive ex. I know everyone heals in their own time but no one can heal in a few weeks. He needs to focus on himself for a long while.

I'd leave it completely. Pursuing a friendship may be too difficult if there's attraction there.

A few weeks is not long enough if you are serious about wanting to give it a proper shot then I would leave it at least 6 months but offer friendship in a way which means things don't have the opportunity to escalate so park walks or a coffee etc not cinema, candle lit dinners etc

I’m suspicious of anyone who can’t be single more than few weeks.
Forget past trauma or healing, why can’t he on his own for a bit, take a breather?

I think I'd like that and I think he would too.
Both of us have teenagers so we are still
Busy as well as full time jobs and a distance of an hour . Neither of us wants to blend or move in with anyone ever again but both in the future, looking for a LAT type situation.
Friendship and casual meet ups

He doesn't want a full on relationship either . In time, he wants what I want, before this I'm wondering should we meet every now and again and develop a closeness but not necessarily a relationship?
I do like his personality that much and he may make a lovely friend. I know he feels the same but would I be mad to do this. Life can be lonely .