Last year, I was diagnosed with ADHD, fifteen years after being diagnosed with a serious mental health condition. I'd spent fifteen years on the medication for this, which had pretty strong mental and physical effects, but during the course of the appointment the psychiatrist felt that it was a misdiagnosis - not as much was known about neurodiversity back then, especially in women, and I was diagnosed quite quickly after a breakdown following a stressful few months - and it was also likely that I had autism. (I'm still waiting for the assessment for that, so I feel like I'm in limbo.) I'm in my 40s and I felt like I was told I was a completely different person, and on top of that, I had to withdraw from this heavy medication to start on the titration process for ADHD treatment.
As I was coming to the end of the withdrawal process, I got some bad news about a friend of mine - I can't be very specific about this but it was something that was very shocking and unexpected and I still can't get my head around it. I got some further information about the news recently that was connected with me directly, and it's really brought back all the feelings from that period last year. I feel like things were going OK for a while with the new medication - I was feeling brighter and doing better at work - and now I feel completely destabilised again.
In the meantime, we've been privately renting and I seem to spend six months of every lease panicking about what happens if we have to move/the rent goes up, and the stories about renting in London are adding to the anxiety. We are saving up to buy a place of our own, and it seems it might finally become an option - I'm at the last stage of dealing with the debt ran up when I was ill, rather than self-flagellating at being a total fucking idiot to run it up in the first place, meaning we may be able to start properly looking in a year or so, and remote working means that we could potentially move out of London and commute in occasionally which gives us a lot more options...but the more I think about buying somewhere the more I get incredibly anxious over things that haven't happened yet. What if we move to a new city and things go wrong? What if we still can't get a mortgage? What if there's damp, we had damp and even now it's sorted going through stored stuff affected by it makes me feel ill, what if that's in the whole house? What if we get broken into and/or the boiler explodes? What if the house collapses around us? I don't understand if leasehold is bad?? And as daft as it is, the more this happens the more I feel like there's no solution to the anxiety I feel about housing. I don't want to be someone who feels bitter/resentful towards people I know who are sorted in this respect, or get constantly annoyed by local estate agents bragging about how they can get above market rate for rentals, but I think this ties into a general feeling of 'this country is fucked, we will never be able to afford to retire, and we're too old to emigrate' and it all feels bleak.
On top of this, DMiL is showing signs of memory loss, and we found out this weekend that it's not just forgetfulness but delusions - phoning people in the middle of the night as she's convinced their relationship is breaking up/DFiL is having an affair - and we're 400 miles away and I don't know what to say to make it easier or better; we are going up to visit DBiL who lives nearby soon, but I don't know how to help, and my mum (250 miles away) is a similar age and has health issues and I'm acutely feeling that this is something we're going to have to deal with and prepare for, and I feel like such a wet blanket at the moment that I don't know how other than to be vaguely reassuring to DH.
What do I do about all this so I can actually be a rational, functional person and not spend all my time worrying about things or at least ranting discursively on the internet?