This is a really long story so I'll keep it as short as possible, I've also changed username.
DH and I suffered years of infertility, we did IVF etc to no avail. I have endometriosis and I fell into a deep depression. I refused help to the point where DH didn't know what to do to help me anymore, I wouldn't get out of bed, see a dr, go to counselling. I just wanted to die.
He left me, for his own sanity, I understand how difficult it was now for him to walk away but at the time I felt abandoned and heartbroken.
I moved in with my parents for a year, I stayed as an inpatient for my depression after 2 suicide attempts in a psychiatric hospital where I finally got the help I needed.
DH kept in touch to see how I was doing etc.
When I came out, I think I just lost my head a little bit and I met a man on Tinder. He was lovely to begin with then I realised he had massive anger issues (I didn't know he was using steroids and cocaine on nights out with friends and I've never touched drugs, massive no no for me) and it got to the point where one night he was in such a bad mood that I had to sit in his bath pretending I had bad period pain until I heard him snoring. I text my aunt to let her know his address and said if I hadn't text her by 10am to say that I was back at my parents then please come to his house or call me to make out there was a family emergency and I had to go home. I went to bed and when he left for work that morning I packed my stuff and never went back. Over the next couple of months I received quite nasty texts from him and I thanked my lucky stars I saw sense and left when I did.
When I was with him, he'd do little things and I'd think "DH would never have spoke to me like that/did that" and found myself missing him more than ever.
After it ended, DH asked if I'd like to try marriage counselling. We did and worked at it for months and came back stronger than ever. We moved back in together and I've recently given birth to our beautiful miracle DD. We are happier than ever, counselling helped him understand my depression and anxiety from my childhood, and it helped me understand that it wasn't easy for him to live with.
He's never found out about the guy I was seeing, I thought I could put it to the back of my mind but since having our daughter, it plays on my mind so much. The guilt is horrible. I didn't cheat, we weren't together but I've heard from his friends that he was in a really bad place when he left me and they knew we'd end up back together because he wasn't interested in anyone or anything but me and how I was doing.
I'm not sure what I do, my Dad and Stepmum obviously know about other guy as I was staying at his whilst living with them. They warned me off but ultimately they could see that I had a "new lease of life" as such as and my Dad loves my DH and always hoped we'd be back together one day so he was relieved when I never saw other guy again.
Like k said, we are better than ever. I feel supported, we have date nights now, I enjoy going on days out with him which I never did as I didn't want to leave the house, he's a fantastic dad and Husband and I realise now what I would have lost permanently if he'd of found out.
Do I tell him? And deal with the repercussions? Do I forget it and forgive myself and move on with my family? It's eating my alive and I don't know what to do for the best.