To just scream at this impossible battle !

[Anothnamechang]

I had a very traumatic birth which brought back triggering memories from my first birth which I didn’t even think impacted me anymore.

Baby was taken straight to nicu without me even getting a peek, this was due to them being a micro preemie and having to be stabilised asap which I understand but it still hurt. Fast forward 3 days from birth I was home without baby, expressing every 2-3 hours, barely sleeping, supporting my other children& living between nicu and home.

DP is now back at work and I’m crippling under the stress. There seems no end to the constant skipping of the heart any time a monitor beeps or my phone rings when I’ve left the hospital. House is no where near the standard it’s usually sat at, other children struggling/ fighting, an absolute fortune in fuel with multiple hospital trips due to school runs inbetween.

I have just parked my car for the night to struggle through tomorrow but I have no idea how I’m going to or the next day for that matter. I feel like I’m spinning loads of plates trying not to drop any but at any minute they’re going to smash right down!

I have no words of wisdom for you I'm afraid but sending you a hug. You are amazing!

Clearly YANBU. I was in a similar situation many years ago with an 18 month old and a sick premature newborn, living in a foreign country so no relatives around and dh went back to work after a couple of days because we were so broke and there seemed to be no alternative. Sometimes I still feel very resentful about this at what was a terrible time and the stress it put me under. I would say your dh needs to take time off work to support you if at all possible. I hope things improve soon.

So so sorry it must be very hard but congratulations on your brand new baby OP. You need loads of support and you need it now so call on family and friends and ask them to help share school runs, give lifts, help with sorting house, meals etc and take a moment each day for yourself to sit calmly and breathe.

So many people would help in this situation but people often need it spelling out and don’t want to ‘interfere’ unless its welcomed. I hope your baby puts on weight and gets home very soon.

Scream away! You must be so tired.
Time to call in favours from friends and family and neighbours. You need support.
I hope your baby is home soon.

I think we can all empathise with your situation.

you are doing your best - but it sounds like you need someone to put you first, even for just a couple of hours. Is there anyone who could “take over” at home so you could maybe have a nice long Bath?

wishing your new baby good health and happiness. And sending you a hug

Scream and then work out who are your top 5 people to say ‘help!’ to. I have happily had a toddler for the day before ‘just’ for a house move, this is far more and I’d like to hope anyone asked would do a little something. Even just drop round food that can be microwaved.

Thank you all ❤️
I agree I think it’s about time I reached out and asked for help inbetween. Ideally I’d love to spend every wakened hour with all my children but I can’t at the moment and leaving my baby in the hospital is getting more and more difficult as well. It’s the most un natural feeling in the world and I don’t think it’s something I’ll ever come to be ok with.
At home when we’re all snuggled on the sofa I feel absolutely awful that my baby is there alone and missing our love and affection. It’s such a catch 22 situation 😭

Gosh how dreadful for you

I am sure you are giving it your best and I'm sure it's more than enough

I feel for you. It's really hard to feel torn in two, with one baby poorly in hospital & others needing you at home.

We had to just try to get into a routine of visiting when others were at school/in childcare or in the evening. I had to literally tell myself as I left the hospital "i'm [older childrens] mum now, so I didn't feel negligent or distracted when I was back with them.

Do you have anyone who can step in with childcare etc to give you a break? We didn't but I was very envious of those who did!

What gestation was your baby and how're they doing now?