Uninvited holiday guests

[Whenwilliberich]

Going on a holiday with BIL and their family and PIL for two weeks in Spain this summer holidays.

getting the ferry down over a couple of days so it’ll be a fairly straightforward journey.

have just been told that two of BILs girlfriends friends are going to be joining us on the first night there in a camper van over night. However I’ve booked the Airbnb and it doesn’t say anything about this being allowed. Apparently they are very nice. They will apparently do us a bbq.

AIBU to not want to spend the first night of my holiday with two strangers all the while, only getting in at 6:00 and having to feed kids and put them to bed pretty much within the hour as they are grumpy kids without bed.

i don’t know how to say that won’t work for us without being rude or pissing people off even before we’ve started a two week holiday!

it’s also going to be out only holiday for about 4 years. We have two small kids.

Well she shouldn't have invited anyone to a group holiday without checking with the others soon. If she wanted to go on a girls holiday she should have arranged that another time

First not soon

Nobody has suggested for a moment it's going to turn into a 'girls holiday'. Two girls, whom presumably are travelling in a camper and will be at the same place on the first night, are going to join for one evening.

OP comes across as a proper fun-sponge.

One night and they’re going to cook, I also think this is fine.

It's only one night. It's a group holiday, it doesn't centre all around what you want.

You’re arriving in the evening at 6pm and they’re only staying one night? You’ll hardly see them. Let it go.

They’re not uninvited guests.

They’re not crashing your whole holiday, just one night of socialising. They’re not even asking to bunk up in your accommodation.

It’s not all about you, it’s a holiday with other people too. If you don’t want to join them at the BBQ make your excuses, put your kids to bed and then go to bed yourself.

Who booked the Airbnb? I would check carefully in T&C that there was no an issue with this. It’s my main concern.
Otherwise they might be ok, just joining effort rather then planning a wild night.
However it seems that your BIL and his girlfriend tend to do things in their own way without asking others so I would dig out my assertiveness for this trip.

One night of two weeks, and they're going to cook for you all? Complete non-issue and you sound like a fun sponge. If you don't want to join in just put the kids to bed and then go to bed yourself.

As for their camper van, if there is some rule that they can't park up in the Airbnb parking, or there isn't space, then they can literally park in the nearest parking spot and sleep in it there, so long as they don't set up a 'pitch' around it.

They don't need to go off to a campsite.

Why does this bother you so much?
That's not inflammatory - have a think.

It would discombobulate me a lot - but I'm autistic. So I'd take a deep breath and say
It's OK that plans are changing and due to something outside of my control. You can deal with this.
My kids are my priority. I will focus on them, their sleep needs etc.
I won't beat myself up if I can't conform to how I perceive a normal holiday evening should go.
I might feel uncomfortable being around new people. It's 1 night. My dh has my back and I can be a bit withdrawn if I need to
These changes haven't been made because bil is thoughtless, spiteful, trying to take control and make me feel uncomfortable - this is something NT people do. It's a nice thing.
I have to be open to enjoying something new.