Genuinely, I am looking for real experiences here. I experienced extreme rage at my partner the whole first year after the birth. I have been told by my partner and his family that I am being vicious, that I have a rage problem, and that I am being nasty and short-tempered with everyone around me. Honestly, those things may be true.
But my feeling is this: I am angry because my partner does not DO enough. I am so disappointed that he does not do enough - I really thought my generation would be more equal, that it would be different for me than for my mum. I am furious because I have to nag constantly to get him to do some of the basics (he does cook every night, and he does load and unload the dishwasher, so I am not saying he does nothing) - hoovering, cleaning, folding clothes, changing clothes, tidying away, even just basic things like watering the plants etc. And the mental load - he just drifts through, not having to worry or think about anything, meanwhile I do all planning and organising, and it is EXHAUSTING. He does not work as he has a chronic condition, but he is also lazy, and I am so furious that I have to constantly be on his back all the time to get the basics done.
So my question is this: am I being unreasonable to think that most women with postpartum rage are angry because they are sleep deprived and unsupported, or have other women experienced postpartum rage when they have partners who completely share the load by doing a full 50% (or some other equal sharing of the load).?
YABU - yes, postpartum rage happens to everyone, even people with support. It is a real condition.
YANBU - no, they are gaslighting you. Postpartum rage usually happens when women are exhausted and unsupported and is caused by that, not by hormones (or at least, not JUST by hormones).