Family event, some we are NC

[petuniabouquet]

Name change for obvious reasons.

PIL have a milestone event in 2 weeks time. They are having a big party at their home, going all out on catering, entertainment etc, probably around 100 guests.

DH and I are NC with one of his sister and her husband, on the basis that we eloped and they haven't spoken to us since. We have tried to ask them what their issue is and all we've ever had is messages to DH stating things quite bluntly that 'your wife has changed you' 'you're antisocial now' 'I hope one day you'll see sense, we will support your divorce and we can go back to how we were'. DH has pushed for more specifics to back up their 'reasons' but they never respond.

Obviously, PIL are expecting us all to be there, despite knowing the situation. They have always said to me they are of the opinion that SIL was jealous and they'll get over it in time. I can semi understand their position as they don't want to get involved.

We all live locally but we only see PIL maybe 3 times a year and fortunately haven't bumped into SIL/her DH in over 8 years.

Should DH and I attend the event knowing how awkward it will be?

I am of the opinion I will just say I'm not comfortable but then DH seems to think that will give them further reason to think they are right about us being antisocial.

DH wants to attend because he feels it's as much his parents and SILs so why should he be forced out. However, he does acknowledge he thinks they'll be all nice to him to again back up their logic that they are fine with him and I'm the wicked witch.

AIBU to not attend? Should we both decline as a United front?

if there’s 100 people there then that’s easily enough to avoid them. You’ve done nothing wrong. Go and don’t let their poor behaviour affect your relationship with DH’s family. Don’t give them any ammunition. Go and enjoy x

Is there a reason you only see PIL three times a year even though you live locally?

You are being unreasonable because they are the unreasonable ones if you see what I mean.
Go and enjoy the party.

There's always the grey rock option where you avoid where you can and are cooly polite when necessary.

Yabu to not go.

Go! It sounds like an important event for your PIL. Be the bigger person, go with a smile on your face and act like you don’t give a shit about them. Not going will give them more to talk about. With 100 people, it should be easy enough to avoid them.

Go together, and people will see that you’re not in fact the wicked witch and SIL/BIL are idiots.

YABU.

It's been 8 years and it's a big party. If there will be over 100 guests you'll be able to avoid talking to your SIL. I don't think it will be awkward unless your PIL will sit you next to each other.

Definitely go and celebrate with PIl. Go together and show a united front, I’d be showing sil how happy you both are and she can shove her opinion up her arse.

your dh and you have as much right to be there as sil and her husband.

you don’t have to mingle with them if there are going to be 100 people there.

Why dont you see PIL more if you're local?
Or is his sister right?

Take the moral high ground. Be the better person. Go, if you see them say hello and smile. If they ignore you, then shame on them and good on you for being a grown up.

As others have said

100 odd people there including the two you are NC with.

I would go. Be easy to avoid each other.

You go, you are not NC they are. They either ignore you or they talk.

Strange relationship with in-laws as others have said.

This is probably outing but I agree it might seem strange that we hardly see them. We live very rurally and as such, PiL live in a village where everyone knows everyone. We are a little further away (or rather, this is where I lived anyway when I met DH and he moved in with me in due course). Hence the only logic we can think of for the 'anti social' and 'changing him' comments. He's dared to leave the village!
PIL have a large property and SIL lives in one of their 'annex' so is always around. We do ask PIL over occasionally but they generally say they can't stay long because they have animals/estate/stuff to sort. If we said come over for Sunday lunch, it would have to be a 1pm prompt food on table, they'd leave before 3.