To ask how to change my life?

[Strawberryminion]

Where do I even begin?!

Early 40s and feel like my life is over.
I work full time in a stressful but badly paid job. I end up working at least half of the weekend because the workload is so heavy and I don’t manage to get it all finished in the week.
If I don’t do it at the weekend it just rolls over and the following week is unmanageable.

I have some friends but I feel very little motivation to see them or do anything with them. I don’t have time and when I do have any time I just want to sleep because I’m so tired all the time.

I am lonely and bored nearly all of the time.
I feel like I am a pushover and I end up doing a lot of things I don’t want to because I can’t say no.

My parents are ageing and not very well (same for a lot of people my age, I guess)

Im really struggling to see any upside right now. I suppose I am fortunate to not have been hit as badly as I might have during the CoL crisis. My kids are healthy - which I am eternally grateful for. I have a chronic long term condition which I manage but is generally another factor in dragging me down I think.

How do I get out of this rut? Is it just how life is when you’re in your 40s and your kids and parents are both dependent?

I think that’s the thing - I’m so tired that I don’t have the resource to job hunt properly.

It’s a poor ethos, unfortunately. I sometimes feel that I don’t just work for a charity, I AM the charity. I spend a lot of my own money on things too. I mean no one asks me to do that, but it kind of is what all of us do.

If you don't have the energy to job hunt then take your holiday asap and use it for job hunting

Perhaps make a list of your key skills, share them here. Part of the problem is not understanding what role's actually exist in different sectors, perhaps there might be some good suggestions?

PP suggested a meeting with a decent recruiter, might be a good plan too.

I work in the software industry and I rarely work weekends I really don't think I could because I need to decompress after interacting with people all week, I find that exhausting so I totally get why you are feeling frazzled and frustrated, you are not getting down time from a stressful job.

I work full time in a stressful but badly paid job. I end up working at least half of the weekend because the workload is so heavy
and
when you’re only paid £13 an hour and are doing an extra 10 hours a week it quickly puts you down to basically minimum wage

It is obvious you should leave this job. Phone some agencies tomorrow. Employers are desperate for staff. Basic admin jobs at e.g. a university will pay what you currently earn.

Walk away. Stop making excuses, take a few days off sick and find a new job.

Sorry to be harsh but you are being unfair to yourself, your family and it will eventually bite you in the bum. What would happen if you couldn't do your job tomorrow morning? They'd cope, that's what. So if you resign, have to go on long term sick or get hit by a bus they will manage one way or another. And stop spending your own money.

I don’t think you should just accept this as being part of your 40s, you sound burnt out and hard to enjoy much when you’ve got no energy. As others have said, focus on a change of job as a priority and then when your feeling a bit les tired then focus on connecting with others and having a bit of fun

Life’s too short. You need to find a way out of your job before life passes you by and you realise you haven’t lived half of it.

I tend to think most full time jobs are a bit this way, but I feel like it’s not even as though my job pays me enough to outsource anything like the housework or makes it so I can say, yes we can afford to do that!
We have poor retention, largely because people move on as soon as they’ve got experience.

Or your dh leaves you.
Or the kids pack up and leave.
It can unravel really fast.
Take some time off, get signed off, spend a few days in bed or at a spa recharging and then update your CV and take the plunge.
Do this for your kids!

All jobs are not like this. They are taking the pee. I work a hard full time week but no work comes home and extra hours are paid back in flexi time off. You need to reclaim your life as life is not work

You're wrong. Most full time jobs paid at that level are nothing like that.

You are telling yourself really negative messages to justify not moving.

Stay if you want.

No, this is where people are going wrong and I'm guilty of it too. Last week I worked until 12.30 every night, up all through the night breastfeeding and then going back into work with more shit to deal with.

The thing is, work will continue on and actually if you keep doing it at weekends there's no justification to increase headcount.

Stop doing it, let the work build up. Ask for more resources.

The company will not end because you didn't work the weekends.

Nobody at the end of their life says, " I wish I had spent more time at work"

People want more time with their families, friends, pets, hobbies, holidays

Stop doing unpaid work

You are not irreplaceable

Book some time off for a holiday

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