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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else's partner do everything incredibly slowly?

22 replies

gonewithtthewind · 11/06/2023 08:54

I'm just curious if it's just my partner?!

I'm not trying to moan, it's actually a bit of a running joke. Maybe a tad annoying but I can't complain!

Tidying the kitchen takes him about an hour, all he does is wash the pots, sometimes only the bottles so I don't get how it takes so bloody long. And he often doesn't even finish the whole kitchen, (I have a small kitchen!) Sometimes I'll just do it because I can't cope with how long it takes - especially when there are other things to do 😂

Is it just my partner, or is this just a man thing!

OP posts:
Awrite · 11/06/2023 08:57

It's just a trick so that you do take over. So don't.

If he is genuinely slow paced, I don't see the big deal. Leave him to it. Whatever you do though, don't take over.

NuffSaidSam · 11/06/2023 08:59

It's strategic incompetence.

Be bad at a task and the other person will step in and do it for you giving you a free pass to do nothing.

wannadisc0 · 11/06/2023 09:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

turnthetoiletpaperroundproperly · 11/06/2023 09:02

Yep I have one of those! Honestly he drives me insane. He does everything to precision,He will do anything but if he is washing up he polishes the taps,he wipes under the kettle base and microwave,he cleans the bin ugh! Then he expects a standing ovation from us and squeals of gratitude, He doesnt get it!!!! Takes me 10 mins max. I feel for you OP!

Ponoka7 · 11/06/2023 09:04

As said leave him to it and start reading a book, go for a walk etc. When putting together camping stuff etc, I was never fast enough to suit my then DP, he'd take over and then moan. We used to arrive and I'd say to him, why not have a walk around and grab a coffee from the camp cafe. Likewise in the garden, I like to take my time. Under other circumstances I've had to learn to leave people who work slower than me, to it.

Fedupwife28 · 11/06/2023 09:25

Yes and I do find it frustrating as we can never get anywhere on time or do anything “quickly”.

Does he also do it with other things like going to the loo (45 minutes minimum in this house), showering (40-60minutes, decided what to wear (15 minutes)? I could go on but it’ll bore you beyond words.

Createausername1970 · 11/06/2023 09:25

Mushrooms. I cannot believe how long it takes one man to prepare a punnet of mushrooms. In the time it takes me to get them washed if needed, peeled if needed, sliced and in the pan, he is still inspecting each one individually.

I have to leave the kitchen. I can't cope.

planthelpadvice · 11/06/2023 09:31

Oh god yes - drives me crazy. I once asked him what his plans were for the day and he genuinely listed unloading the dishwasher as if it was equivalent to decorating a whole room or something! It's a 5 minute job! Most hilarious is he works in the emergency services where time is of the essence. I can only assume he adopts a different approach at work.

The other day I marveled at how it took him an hour and a half to get ready to go to work! An hour and a half to have breakfast, shower and get dressed! Insane.

Fannieannie63 · 11/06/2023 09:33

I say to my dh he has two speeds …slow and stop. When I want something done quickly I say not in your normal speed please! I’m expected to be quick why is it different for him? I’m over 60 and he’s never changed I don’t hold much hope for you.

off · 11/06/2023 09:37

I'm one of life's slow people when it comes to household tasks. It's not "strategic incompetence", it's how I have to do things to get them done. It's annoying enough for me that I can't get tasks out of the way as fast as some other people do, without having people accuse me of manipulation to get out of stuff. I could accuse people of swinging the lead when they can't read as fast as I can, or do mental arithmetic as fast as I can, but I don't because I'm not an arsehole.

itsgettingweird · 11/06/2023 10:01

Split all chores equally dependent on the usual time it's takes to do them.

Leave him to do his. If it takes him much longer than it should leave him to it - DO NOT take over. He'll just get worse at other chores to try and get out of them all!!!!

CateringPanic · 11/06/2023 10:33

My partner is like this too.

Partly he is just a slow person in general (putting in his shoes takes forever) and partly we just have different approaches eg. If we are building a piece of flat pack I like to crack on whereas I feel he wastes time by getting everything out, laying it out methodically and pre-reading this instructions.

He makes fewer mistakes than me but the lack of pace is infuriating. Sometimes you just want to put a rocket up their bums

turnthetoiletpaperroundproperly · 11/06/2023 12:15

Tell you all what is much worse than this though...slow eaters.😄

CateringPanic · 11/06/2023 13:44

@turnthetoiletpaperroundproperly DP is one of those too!! 😩

caringcarer · 11/06/2023 15:04

My dh said he'd pressure wash the front drive because he stopped me paying someone to do it this year. It's taken 3 weekends and he just does a bit each weekend he's just finishing it now. He is slow to get started on a job hunting about for tools. He has every type of tool known to man. Then he stops for a coffee break before starting. Once he gets going it's not too bad.

NeverThatSerious · 11/06/2023 15:07

Ha! I’d say yes absolutely, he’s a fucking slowpoke, poor DH would say no, it’s me that’s the problem, rushing all the time! We’re each like our respective mothers, I fear. Thing with DH is tho that he likes everything to be done properly and so of course takes his sweet time doing so. He also works a lot in a high stress job so prefers to take it steadier at home. Neither of us right nor wrong… but his way is wrong.

BusyCaz · 11/06/2023 15:29

Oh god yeah, my hubby takes aaaaages to do anything, drives me nuts!

ScientificallyProcessed · 11/06/2023 15:33

No, that would drive me crazy. Not all men are like that, thank god.

ColdHandsHotHead · 11/06/2023 15:36

I think I would naturally be a slow person but I've had to learn how to do things quickly so I do. I'll say to myself 'ten minutes to clean the kitchen and empty the dishwasher, now GO!' and get on with it. Otherwise I'll wander into the kitchen and start fiddling with the muck on the stove then lining up the washing up sponge and plug and so on.

AlexaShutUpFam · 11/06/2023 15:41

I’m another one who takes quite a long time to accomplish household chores. I tend to rotate between a few tasks doing a little of each at a time until gradually they are all completed. Luckily I live alone so there is nobody to mock me for not being neurotypical.

bornintheuk2 · 11/06/2023 16:48

An hour to floss and clean teeth, an hour for other ablutions. An hour and a half for a 2 course breakfast, If we're going for a morning appointment somewhere he has to get up at silly o'clock to be ready. We did go on some touring holidays and cruises but it meant getting up at ridiculous times for being ready on time

Gerrataere · 11/06/2023 17:09

My ex used to take his phone into the kitchen to wash the dishes. Stood there with the same plate for 20 mins straight, staring at some video. The used to moan that he ‘always did the dishes’ - well it was one of few jobs that he could take his time with. If he’d started cleaning the bathroom he might as well have set up camp in there for a month. The false incompetence became beyond tiresome, hence ‘ex’.

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