Taking away pocket money for bad behaviour?

[Notesonaconditionalform]

DS is 6 and has a kids rooster card/account for pocket money (£10 a month) it's quite a new thing and the first month he's had it. His brother spent all his money the day he was given it whereas he saved most of his because he wants to save up for a toy.
They're at their dads this weekend and his dad told me he took £3 out of his account today because he "had a tantrum" about going to Tesco.
I think that's not a fair punishment because he's basically getting punished for saving his money? So this month when he gets his pocket money, why would he bother saving any of it when it could just get taken away?

As far at the Tesco tantrums go- He seems to have "tantrums" every time his dad takes him, he hates the supermarket. his dad won't take my advice on that but I used to have similar difficulties with DS and have found pre-warning him if we have to go to the supermarket stopped all of the issues.

I'm on your side.
A compromise would be reducing the next lot of money that goes in (ie next month he only get £9) then he'd still get t a consequence/punishment for behaviour (not that I agreee with that) but not penalized for saving up.
If you can't agree on this then you need separate accounts/pocket money systems each with your own rules.

That’s very unfair to take money he already has. Reducing the next pocket money is fairer. I mean, going to Tesco is horrific - I can understand why he made a fuss. Can’t his dad be organised and shop beforehand.

You’re spot on. He needs to find other ways to address bad behaviour, because this just supports your worry about kids attitudes to saving.

Good luck, I know you have little control over what another parent does, but this really isn’t fair.

Very, very unfair and certainly doesn’t encourage saving/delayed gratification.
I would not take away something that has already been given.
Even stuff like screen time I would give as a reward for good behaviour rather than remove as a punishment.
I’m not keen on the supermarket myself and would plan to avoid taking a child who hates it if I could.

I tend to "punish" my kids in a way that teaches natural consequences, like what will happen when they are adults.

If they break something of someone else's I might take the money from them to replace it, for example. But taking money you've already earned isn't a consequence that would happen in the real world for having a meltdown, is it?

I'd be tempted to say to my son that we're going to the shop and if he's good (lay out what "good" behaviour is beforehand) then he can have £1 back, try and turn it into a teaching moment of how to behave in the shop so he will be better prepared next time he's with his dad. See if you can get him to do extra chores around the house, like wash your car or something and top it back up.

And on a side note, whoever set the Rooster account up can delete the "other guardians" in the settings.

I'm with his dad, providing it is consistently applied. Better would be something given for maintaining good behaviour.

A child should be able to go to a supermarket and behave reasonably.

Hahaha. I'm a grown adult and there's a supermarket near me which has been known to make me cry because it's crazy overstimulating.

I only go in because it has a Cinnabon and I'm in and out in 2 minutes. If someone forced me to actually go shopping there I'd probably have a meltdown too. 🤣 We're not all perfect.

@LlynTegid the child can behave in a supermarket, if he is told in advance that going to a supermarket will happen. The dad fails to do this.

Yeah. Not ok to 'fine' a child for natural child behaviour in that way. Nothing will be learned expect his Dad's crap at parenting.

Ours earn their pocket money by doing jobs, so if jobs aren't done there is a reduction in pocket money. Helps them understand societal expectations around earning a living and consequences.

But I'd never remove their pocket money because they were having a tantrum.

I think you need to separate your ex from the account. If he wants to take money off them, he can be the one who is giving it to them.

He can go to the supermarket and behave, he just really hates it so prior warning helps him and then he's fine.
surely It's a parents job to help them manage emotions rather than just punish them for their emotions