To tell her who her fiance really is

[Totellherornot]

I was bullied horrendously at school. Mainly by a group of boys, with the clear ringleader S. I attempted suicide over it and had to move schools.

I must have friends in common with S‘s new fiancée, because some stuff has come up on Facebook.

S looks like a smug twat. His fiancee is very beautiful and looks like a nice person (from what FB can tell me. She does charity work and loves animals).

What S did to me affects me to this day. WIBU to send his fiancée an anonymous message to let her know who she is planning to marry? Or do I need to let it go?

Please be gentle. This really hurts

This. I agree.

Block all the connections on FB so you don't see any more reminders.

There are two possibilities with the fiancé. Either the bully has genuinely changed and she has no evidence that he is such a person, so they are happy and all is well. Or, he has shown this kind of behaviour and she chooses to ignore it or put up with it. That’s her choice. Either way, you are better off leaving them to it and I’m glad you have come to that conclusion too. I was bullied at school so can imagine how this must feel.

I suppose there's always the risk he isn't really who you think he is anymore and that she won't recognise the person in him that you knew.

The thing is - if he's still a nasty person she'll either know already or will soon find out. It's not your job to tell her. Secondly, he might have changed. I read something about teenagers being cruel because they haven't fully developed their sense of empathy yet. It's to do with brain development. I was bullied at school and remember noticing how much nicer people were when they got in to their 20s. It's like they suddenly became much kinder.

Apparently she’d been bullied by her mother hence her bullying others.

It isn't bullying when it's a parent, it's abuse.

I agree with PPs that IME a bully acts that way for a reason, such as abuse from a parent or from peers - shit rolls downhill so many children and adolescents deal with those feelings of weakness/helplessness by passing it onto someone they perceive as weaker or more helpless than them.

You're both entitled to move on from being the people you were in school. Block the fiance so you don't see any more linked posts.

So many kind replies, thank you so much. I have blocked her on FB so hopefully I won’t see anything else. Seeing his gurning face just set me off and brought it all back.

To those who shared your stories, thank you and I‘m sorry ❤️

Kindly, you won't gain anything from this. Are you having therapy to move on from this part of your childhood?

I was bullied at school over. 40 years ago and I will never ever forgive the Fuckers.
However, there is no point at all in what you suggest, it will achieve nothing

I would.

I'm sorry you suffered like that. Leave it now. She won't thank you and he will tell her you're a dangerous stalker type person. Dont give him the opportunity to cause you further pain.