That this leaves me cold??

[Hotfuninthesummertime]

Hello. In a very happy relationship after shit marriage and probably will get engaged in near future. However alot of mutual friends are planning the hen and stag do and wedding. It's all in good fun but I've done it once. My 1st marriage was awful and not worth the stress and money of hen party and eventual wedding. The thought of doing all that again makes me want to elope and tell people once we're back. Dp feels the same. He's been married so done the big stag etc. Neither of us can be arsed and feel like we'd be doing it for others not ourselves.

YANBU, why spend all that money and effort when you're not fussed?

I imagine many of your would be guests would be relieved

Yeah and we don't expect presents and money when it's the 2nd time. I think I went through with it the 1st time partly due to the pressure.

We were going to do it that way but due to a change in circumstances we had a small wedding with just my kids, his DD, his brother, his sister, my best friend (and all the associated partners). A quiet wedding then we decanted to the pub for a meal and a chat. No stag or hen dos (covid made that bit easy for us). We had a bloody lovely day. Do it the way that makes you and him feel comfortable OP and have a lovely day

What do you want to do? Do that. What about register office and nice meal afterwards with a few friends?

Sounds great! Do whatever feels right for you as a couple.

If I ever got married again I would elope

Honestly I'd rather just go away and do it one day. I know if I told people I'd get pestered until I gave in.

Just do it. If you want to have a celebration part afterwards.

You could tell everyone that matters you have got engaged and invite them for a nice lunch or BBQ or whatever to celebrate with you...... then surprise them on the day by telling them you have actually got married. You could have a wedding cake and book an Elvis impersonator to do a wedding vow exchange ceremony - or whatever takes your fancy.

Your friends need to get a life!
Just do it on your own, with family if you like (sworn to secrecy). Then have a big party and announce to everyone it's to celebrate your marriage! Or skip the party and just let people know as and when. There may be a bit of resentment but you did it your way...

I know a few people who basically had secret registry office weddings, just them and a few witnesses.

Could something like that be an option?

I honestly find it mind boggling that other people think they should have a say in a couples’ wedding. Be it children not being invited, not serving a certain menu, being too far away - it’s absolutely nobody’s business! Do these people want a say regarding your marriage and how you spend the rest of your lives together?!!

It’s your marriage, do it how you want. We eloped, everyone was so happy for us. That’s why they’re our friends.

I know. People pester me about having another baby and that also leaves me cold 😂my 1st marriage I was basically bullied into having allsorts of things I just didn't want !

Just don't have them then? They're not mandatory 🙃

I'd either just do it one day and make the announcement afterwards, or reply to any and all attempts at 'planning' with a laughing, 'Oh no, already been there and done that. We've already discussed it and decided we're going a different route this time.'

I wonder how many people who pile the pressure on are willing to spend 20 grand on a wedding 😂

It's the same with 'landmark' birthdays(whatever that means).It doesn't matter what the birthday boy/girl wants.

'Oh we're going to make a big fuss,really mark the occasion! Banners,balloons,
the works'!
I tell them to knock themselves out,it won't affect me because I'll be out of the country.

@WickedSerious 😂