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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset that grown up SC don't involve us in anything.

8 replies

Kittycat37uk · 10/06/2023 17:36

So long story but I have 3 grown up SC with my partner of 3 years all of which have in the past when they were little stayed over at our house and 1 actually lived with us for a while when his mum kicked him out for being "unruly". Anyway just wanted to give you all a bit of background to show we have always had a great relationship and they would always when little come to me more than their dad whenever they wanted to tell something or share something.
Now all 3 are grown there is 3 SS and a SD, now the SD has a partner they have a child our GC and another baby on the way own their house both work full time very successful I'm life at the mo however I have noticed whenever the SD ever does anything round her house or any special occasions barring her gender reveal me and her dad never so much as get an invite yet her mum and her mums boyfriend and everyone else gets invited and we get left out all of the time to say it hurts is an understatement. We all live on the same estate so we all live within walking distance of each other 5/10 mins.
Today for example my partner was talking to 1 of his sons who just happened to casually mention that the SD was having a bbq round hers and as usual everyone else was round there we didn't even get an invite.

I feel so upset about this and I think I now know why, I spent my whole childhood being left out of things or not invited to things or bullied and wondering why I am not enough now it is coming from someone who is supposed to be close. However what also makes me mad is come Xmas or birthdays they will remember they have a dad and step mum then and expect money and presents off us everytime even Easter etc.

Am I BU to be upset by this? Just to add the 3 SS ages are 16,19 & 21 and SD is 23.

YABU - you're a grown adult now just suck it up and accept this is how kids can be

YANBU -your feelings are valid and no one deserves to ever feel like they're not enough.

OP posts:
Kittycat37uk · 10/06/2023 17:36

Sorry meant to say partner of 10 years

OP posts:
Ginandpanic · 10/06/2023 17:41

Is it tricky between you and your dh, and his ex?
it is hurtful, even if they don’t want you all together they could do something with just you both.
mare you aware of any reason why they wouldn’t want to spend time with you?

Teenangels · 10/06/2023 17:42

I am saying this as a step mum.

How often did you see your step daughter was she the one that moved in with you?

I know that I am much closer to my kids than my SS, and his mum brought him up. He saw my husband every weekend and 1 night through the week.

I would not expect an invite as he is closer to his mum, why don't you invite them round for a BBQ if you feel so hurt.

AfricanGrey · 10/06/2023 17:44

Do you and DH get on with his ex?

ShandaLear · 10/06/2023 17:47

This is to do with their relationship with their father and he needs to suggest that you both would like to be invited too.

Kittycat37uk · 10/06/2023 18:00

I will add me and her mum get on fine I have been round to her house on a few occasions such as Xmas and and when one of the gc was born as the ss and his gf stayed there when she came out of hospital none of us have never had arguments or anything like that and it wasn't SD who lived with us when they were younger it was the SS that now has a baby of his own.

OP posts:
Kittycat37uk · 10/06/2023 18:02

Also it was extended family there too and friends so I think that's what hurt the most that all these people were thought about before me and their dad.

OP posts:
AfricanGrey · 10/06/2023 18:10

Maybe the SD feels uncomfortable with the dynamics of mixing some groups of people?

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