To decline being exH's social secretary?

[BlowDryRat]

ExH and I have been divorced for nearly 10 years. We have two teen/tween DC at different schools.

ExH has emailed DH complaining that he missed a special assembly for DD. He's admitted that he gets the same school newsletters we do but he's "very busy" and "hopes we can get to a place where you and BlowDryRat inform me of these things."

We are also "very busy", what with full-time jobs and bringing up the children, who he sees two days a month. Why TF should I give him a potted run-down of the newsletters he gets but can't be bothered to read?

I’m torn between saying ignore or writing back instructions on how to read a newsletter and add the item to a calendar.

Fuck that. Dont teach girls that their responsibility in life is to micro manage the men in their life by starting with their own dad

'Complain to the school that you never received such an important announcement. Maybe they can send extra reminders especially for you.' Job done.

YANBU. We have a 50/50 split and I still used to do all the 'wife work' of booking DC onto activities, reminding my ExH that it's sports day, parents evening etc. Because, whilst I have a very busy and important job, it obviously is in no way as busy and important as ExH's 🙄 and so it was assumed I'd pick up all of that, and he never quite got around to making sure the school has his contact details for the constant stream of emails and texts they send out.

That was until I got it in the neck for daring to sign DC up to an after school event that fell in 'his time' without consulting ExH first. Plus other petty stuff, like ensuring he and his girlfriend got the '2 per child' tickets for a school event, when he'd had sight of the letter about it and 'forgot' to pass it on to me. So clearly he was capable of reading and signing up to things when it suited him ...

So now I insist on a 50\50 split. If an event falls on my time I'm responsible for organising, paying for and remembering it and if it's on his time, he is. I've made sure the school and other clubs and activities have his contact details and send all emails, texts and letters to us both. I'd say he remembers about 70% of the time. Sometimes it's hard not to remind him for DC's sake, but instead I remind DC to 'remind daddy' about x on Saturday.

Another thread, another nutter pushing blame to the female victim.

What the actual fuck?

What a disgusting comment

Not that it's any of your business, but the DC live with me full-time and social services monitor exH's contact.

I love this. Sadly, DH is more sensible than me and ignores his silly messages.

Your DH should applaud him for being willing to admit to struggling with reading at his age, but not to worry as adult education centres will undoubtedly run courses to help him with his comprehension. Given that he gets the same school mailings as you do that must be the problem, right? 😉

How are some of these men so pathetically lacking in self-awareness? Jesus Christ on a fucking tandem.

I would be very tempted to either ignore or email the school, copying him in, saying that X appears to have missed this communication, please can you liaise to ensure he receives future correspondence.

Fuck him.

So this prince of a man is far too busy to read a school newsletter, but has enough time to read emails, @BlowDryRat? Someone needs to tell him to grow up, read the effing newsletter, and stop being such a waste of oxygen. I’ll do it.

Usually schools have a app that they inform parents of important events. He can download that. I hope his rapist dick falls off.

Why are some people, mainly men, so unacceptably awful when it comes to this sort of thing?

I’d only remind him if it would mean something to his children, not that you should have to at all.

I wouldn't dignify this with a response, and I'd tell your DH to do the same. Grey rock everything; he receives the same information you do.

Without the oxygen of engagement, this man will soon get bored.

But he is very busy and important and you are obviously not!

If I were your DH, I would reply you get the newsletter as we do, therefore if you want to attend certain functions make a note yourself of when you want to attend assemblies etc

What a cheek your ex has, I would not be entertaining his self importance

Emails specifically written for him, obviously. Not general emails that might contain information not relevant to him.

Pompous and pathetic is exactly right!
I hope he 'can get to a place' where he behaves like a grown man.

I'm waiting for this as sports day is coming up... If he chooses not to read them, that's on him and not your problem or responsibility to spoonfeed him.

As your DH is in a relatively neutral relationship with him, get him to say 'it's up to you to remember these sort of things', and then leave it there. The other alternative is to tell him to grow up and act like a parent.