To feel like I'm on the edge of life and not really in it

[Torven]

I feel like a weirdo.

Can't handle groups (you know when you go out for a meal with work or for a friend's birthday etc and people on either side of you turn to the other person and you're left sitting in the middle in silence? Feel that sums up my entire life).

Can't do a lot of the basic things other adults take in their stride. Feel real stress at walking down a busy pavement or being on a train and not being able to get to the door easily.

Absolutely can't be on my own either. Well obviously I can, I'm not going to explode, but solitude causes me real discomfort and I dread it.

My mum and husband have separately said to me during arguments "why can't you just be normal!"

I don't bloody know. I hate feeling like I am outside of everything. I never just do things, nothing is an intuitive move.

I can imagine this might sound like I have autistic traits but I really don't think I do overall. I'm just a bloody oddball.

Sorry to be depressing on this sunny Saturday.

Have you always felt this way?

I'm sorry they are saying, "Why can't you just be normal?" That's so wrong. You are you and that is your normal. My answer would be, "I tried being normal but it was so boring!"

If you think you have autistic traits maybe talking to someone who is educated in this area would help. Then you can ask your parents which one of them you inherited it from, if confirmed.

There's no particular way you have to be. You sound good to me. You've obviously got close relationships in your family.

What’s your happy place - one or two good friends/family in a familiar place you know?

On the group meal thing - this happens to almost everyone at one point or another. Big groups can be tricky. Polite etiquette though is not to leave someone out of a group, so it’s as much the people you’re dining with’s fault as anything specifically to do with you. Do you take things quite personally?

When you say other adults just ‘take things in their stride’ you’d be surprised- it’s a spectrum and everyone has something ‘normal’ that they find difficult or terrifying.

Nosquirrels - exactly that re my happy place. I love the company of people I click with and who get me but it's so hard wading through life to find them.

I only discovered recently that I have a developmental problem that affects my balance, which explains why I was so crap at sports etc at school (and why things like hillwalking and riding a bike are impossible for me). It's caused so many issues since I was a kid, not because I wish I could be different just because people think I'm being odd or difficult when I can't go on a bike ride on a whim.

I know it's probably daft to think everyone doesn't feel this way sometimes but i really do think I'm probably weird!

Thanks for being kind, everyone, I appreciate it x

I feel like this too. I can't function like supposed "adults" function in 2023 UK.
It's really only other people's judgement that hurts me rather than the actual difficulties, even though clearly it would be easier without them.
I can't multi task.
I can't plan ahead.
I have almost no executive function.
I am "exam intelligent"
I am treading water every day just doing what others consider nothing.
I am trying my very best to not give a shit.

I always get left out in groups but I do not like groups either, i do not like social calendars types of life, especially when others try to fit me in theirs, but all the while my happy place is the car, long drives, old churches, calm beaches, cool sea water, lots of good food....

LOL and when husband is not my driver, I take the kids on buses and we go to the whole of England !!!!

@Torven how old are you and have you always been like this?

Who wants to be normal? I'd rather just be me. Groups aren't for everyone, I'm great with 1-1s but put me in a group and I can't make conversation and just stand there awkwardly. That's okay, I'm introverted and always will be, can't change it so I've just stopped trying and only meet a friend one to one. You sound absolutely fine op and a nice person, your parents shouldn't be saying that, and I would no longer be taking any notice of that sort of comment because it's not helpful at all.

I feel like this - parallel to 'normal' life sometimes.

I have plenty of friends and am very social and people are shocked when I tell them I am autistic. Until they see me function in a group 😂