Parenting Debates

[CaptainCrunchies]

Wanted to post anon to get a few views as my partner and I often dont see eye to eye...AIBU that I'm not keen on teaching my child it is OK to pull down a woman's top and bra and say booby yet my partner thinks tapping their foot in a friendly way could promote the child to hit them if they copy the behavior?

I feel like it is clear which one is wrong and which is not an issue but my partner sees it the other way around so trying to work out how to be open to their view.

I don’t understand your post. Are you ‘friendly tapping’ your child as a way to get them to stop pulling your clothes down? What happens when you say ‘don’t do that.’ and remove the child?

I don’t understand the foot tapping part.

but the pulling tops down I wouldn’t allow

Your post makes no sense. How old is the child?

The child is 2.5 years old and I'm not tapping their foot, I was tapping my partner's foot in an affectionate way. The foot tapping was hours after the top pulling situation.

Eh? Yes, don't allow your child to pull your clothes. No idea what the foot tapping has to do with anything.

You know you aren’t being unreasonable about your issue and you know you have found a forum that will back you up.

I have no idea what you mean about the foot tapping but given another adult thinks it could suggest violent behaviour, maybe you should look at it again impartially to see if he is right as your child could copy it at nursery.

Your post is confusing but with regards to your top -

Does your partner have the top and bra being pulled down?

Assuming they don’t then the owner / wearer gets to decide if that behaviour is not ok, surely? I can’t see how there would be anything to debate about it?

You don't want your top pulled down, your partner didn't want his foot tapped, but you did it anyway. If someone tells/asks us not to touch them we don't, so if you kept tapping his foot YABU

Is this just Mum’s top? Then I would say Mum’s body and Mum’s choice.

I still understand the foot tapping issue.

I suspect you have a communication issue within your relationship too.

Was it your top or your partner's top? I'm reading it as her top and you were objecting. But if she's the one breastfeeding then it's really for her to say (?)

I do not understand the connection between these two events.

i still don’t get the “affectionately tapping” of someone’s foot. Was it done in a tell them off kind of way?

The foot tapping seems to have thrown people off here. I tap my partner's foot with my foot as a known sign of affection between us. It is not a kick however my partner thinks even gently it might be promoting hitting.

I didn't post to get validation, it was because my partner was so adamant the top pulling was fine and foot tapping was bad that I'm wondering now whether I'm reading situations wrong. Sometimes I just seem to have the opposite view than everyone else, I'm wrong more often than I'm right!

Your partner is an idiot. Playing footsie between adults in a relationship isn't going to teach your child that hitting is OK. Allowing your child to pull down tops on the other hand could bring a world of trouble as they get older.

To be fair playfully kicking someone is going to confuse a toddler too. I think both are things that should be avoided.

and the fact he is mentioning the foot tapping suggests maybe he doesn’t like it either which is fine too

The top pulling is definitely not ok, ask your partner if he likes his pants pulled down whilst shouting “Willy”?
exposing someone against their will is never ok.
the foot tapping - are you doing it in front of the child and the child has started copying it? Then don’t do it in front of the child?

A very confusing post but I think that both are probably not ok for a child.