Trigger warning - talk of mental abuse.

[Dustydolly]

I need to do a something which is going to end the relationship with my sister. We've never been able to have a relationship based on our childhood, we didn't grow up together, we got back in contact two years ago and 6 months ago she moved closer to me so have been able to see each other a lot more.

She mentally abuses her elder child who is 13, she is treated like a slave, has to take care of younger siblings like a parent would, name calling, belittling, punished for making simple mistakes. I've tried to step in numerous times, had fall outs with my sister when I've spoken up about what I've seen and I'll get blocked for a week till she needs me again, I've tried staying close so I can keep an eye on my niece and try and have her at mine quite a bit so I can try and protect her somewhat.

Now I feel like what I'm trying to do is just not enough as the treatment is getting worse. Her father has already been in contact with social services as he also has concerns and I know they've been out and spoken to my sister and niece but my niece won't tell them what's really going on. The father has got an on going court case for contact and is trying to get access but has been alienated for the past 18 months. I need to speak to social services myself and tell them what's really going on but that will mean an end to my relationship with my sister but also my other niece and nephews, she has 4 children. My children and I have grown so close to them, my children adore their cousins and visa versa and those relationships will completely end and I'm devastated but I can't watch my eldest niece be abused like this anymore. The other three children are much younger and at the moment they are not treated the way my eldest niece is but the risk is there as they get older.

I haven't slept all night, my anxiety is through the roof. Thanks for reading this far if you have

Hopeful bump

Hi OP. Sounds really difficult for you 😕
You definitely need to help the kids though. I was abused by my mum as a child and I am very resentful of my aunts and uncles who turned a blind eye

Of course you need to tell SS. It's OK to say dad has already done it but if he's in the middle of a court case fighting for contact, then it might just be seen as just a nasty tactic on his part to spite your sister
If you report her too and back him up, then this will give more validity to the accusations and give SS the kick up the arse they obviously need. I'd sit down and write out all the incidents you can think of in the past. If you're still seeing your sister now, can you not try secretly record/video some of her behaviour towards your niece?
I understand this might mean temporarily losing contact with your nieces and nephews, but hopefully dad will get custody or at least 50/50 and you will be able to continue your relationship with them then
Take that step towards protecting the kids. We read too many reports of kids being left in households with abusive parents and when the ultimate tragedy happens, finding out that people knew what was going on but did nothing about it

I will lose the contact with the other three children as she is a single parent to the youngest three. I feel sick at the thought of it.

So you're saying having a relationship with three of them is more important than protecting one?

No that is not what I'm saying but obviously the thought of not seeing my youngest three niece and nephews again and my children never seeing their cousins again is so upsetting. I love those children. I also love my eldest niece which is why I'm trying to do the best for her

These aren't neighbours, acquaintances or even friends, this is my actual family so of course I'm gonna feel awful.

And I understand that. It must be heartwrenching and I can see how upset you'd be.

You've stated that the abuse is getting worse.
You've stated that you must report it.
You've stated that the younger three are not bring abused yet
Are you asking us whether we think you should or should not report to SS? Are you asking us for our opinions as to whether you think there is an alternative to reporting to SS? Or are you just asking for a hand hold while you go through the process of reporting?
just to let you know, I'm reporting this to MNHQ as I'm concerned about the level of abuse you're talking about.

Is all this happening in front of you. I would record this vile creature and report her. Please protect those children.