To ask my 12 year old to help around the house?

[Blueuggboots]

Both parents ill with covid.
Have asked him to:

Sweep up the cat litter on the floor (about 20 pieces!)
Put some clean washing away (his)
Hoover the sitting room and hall
Do his homework (half an hour max)

Despite being ill, 1 parent cooked dinner for everyone last night and cooked a cooked breakfast this morning...

We've had Kevin and Perry style attitude......

Does he usually do chores, or is this all new?

Of course, a 12yo should be able to do all that. But if he’s never done them before he will feel like it’s a huge imposition and also won’t know things like where the hoover is or what clearing up cat litter involves. My 12yo is much better when she’s done a job a few times before.

How have you brought him up? Is he used to do some chores or is this the first time you have ever asked him to do anything?

Sounds completely reasonable. Mine (11 & 13) have to put their own washing away as standard, wouldn't object to cleaning up after a pet (dog in our case). Might grumble about hoovering but generally are pretty sweet when we're ill so I think would do it if asked.

It's not unreasonable, but I know I'd struggle to get my (previously very helpful) 12yo dd to do this in this situation. I think it's an age thing!

Homework on a Saturday, don't they deserve a break from school

Of course it's reasonable. Him responding as if you'd asked him to clean the house from top to bottom is very normal though!

It's half an hour!

Its unreasonable of him to act like that. Given that he normally does nothing he should be understanding of the fact that he needs to help a little while you're sick.

A 12 year old should already have a set of household chores they are accustomed to doing.

Yes, have always asked him to help with chores. It's nothing new, but neither is the shitty attitude! Every single time we ask him to help (a couple of times a week), we get a grumpy face and attitude.

We don't expect him to do homework in the week as he has long days at school so he does it at the weekend instead.

Always expected to help.....have always encouraged him to do stuff.....

In our house you have to do chores "with a good will" ie no moaning and in a timely manner or you are punished w extra chores.

Yanbu. He should easily be doing this.

There needs to be consequences for his shit attitude and disrespectful behaviour.

Not unreasonable at all but I'm ashamed to say my 12 year old DD does nothing either! The only thing I ask her to do is tidy her room and that's a huge battle. It causes lots of tension between us.
The reason I haven't assigned her tasks is because I'd find it much less stressful (and much quicker and easier!) to just do it myself! I can't face the battle and the fact things wouldn't get done when I want them to be done.

Grumping -> no allowance/no wifi

TBH I'm not sure why you're "asking". He's twelve. Tell him to do it.

What’s the consequence if he says no? My kids understand that behaviours equal consequences, good and bad. If I asked them to do chores (which incidentally I don’t) but if I did and they said no then they’d lose screen time for a day at the very least. This could then stretch out to include hobbies depending on how bad the situation was.

My youngest is regularly very defiant and I’ve been working on his behaviour since he was three. At 7 he is starting to figure it out. By 12 I’ll have to update the thread. You really need to get in early otherwise it’s a huge fuck you as a teen.

We have and he has done it, grumpily and whilst moaning......

Yes, he gets extra chores for moaning....it's just the lack of learning that does my head in!!

My 12 year old washes and dries the dishes 3 times a week, tidied and hoovers the living room 3 times a week and she gets loads of pocket money 😂

I have a rule that the more grumbling I hear, the more chores I ask her to do. It works best when they are chores her sibling would otherwise have done.

I think it’s starting to work, after a solid 5 years…

I don't understand why in the U.K. children don't seem to do chores as a matter of course.

They should do age appropriate tasks to help from the age of 3! As simple as putting their toys away in a box or carrying their plate from the dining table towards bin.

Then they won't hit 12 and be upset when suddenly asked to help

@ladykale, it's not sudden!! We've always expected him to help.